A Call to Action

I have just turned over the last page of Jonathan Kozol's book, The Shame of the Nation. A powerful narrative about the inequality and injustices present in American society -- specifically with regards to our public education system.

I feel....inspired.
I want to write, talk, debate, fight, advocate and speak up.

I feel....helpless.
What am I doing about this? What knowledge do I have? What expertise do I possess about a matter this profound and important and significant? What can I possibly contribute to the cause? What difference can I make?

I feel....guilty.
I left my students in Chelsea. I left to pursue a better life and opportunity for myself. There was still so much work left for me to do there...

I feel...confident.
Though I now teach at a private international school in the Middle East, I know that I am a good teacher. I love my job, I love my students. I am successful, I am well liked and I am an effective teacher. My students are able to learn from me and make strides in their learning. I go above and beyond the requirements of me as a a mere "teacher" and I pour my entire heart and soul into my work. 

I feel....powerful.
I will return to the United States some day. I will make a difference and I will not allow my country to continue to bury these underprivileged children into the ground. I will come back some day and fight for them. I just need to build myself up a little bit more: financially, emotionally and intellectually. I will return to the United States stronger than ever.


I have always said that my heart got left in Saudi Arabia years ago as a child. Now that I have moved back to the desert, I feel whole again. I feel complete. I am happier than I have ever been and I feel as though I am doing meaningful and fulfilling work. Teaching is by no means an easy job. I come home every day after school exhausted and stressed, but never have I felt as though I ever "wasted" a day. Regardless of how draining a day I have,  I always feel as though I have accomplished some thing. It may not necessarily be particularly poignant, but small gains are what keep me going as an educator. Small joys + small successes = big overall gains.

Kozol's book left me thinking deeply about myself and my life. I have always believed that I was put here on this planet to make a difference in some way. I often talk about how I feel destined for greatness. While immersed in the pages of Kozol's direct and vivid prose, I could imagine myself as a lawyer, a senator, a congresswoman, a policy maker, an advocate, a principal, a civil rights activist....I saw myself fighting against "the system" and writing articles, expose, proposals, grants, bills and books aimed at making a difference and overturning the American public system of education. I began to think about what I would need to do to make these dreams become realities:

I would need to go to grad school. Get a Masters in Educational and Social Policy and then turn that Masters in a Ed.D. I would then need to go to law school. I would then need to get a job working for a educational or public policy think tank. I would need to get a publisher. I would need to make connections.

The ideas just won't stop bubbling up to the surface.

I realize that this mode of thinking is fueled by pure adrenaline. I am in "summer mode" and my judgement is clouded by the superficial sense of ease and freedom I have now that I am not working. I am a dreamer. As much as the idea of giving up my comfortable teaching life to enter the world of policy making appeals to me right now, I cannot say with complete conviction that this is something I am going to actually do. Its exciting to imagine that alternative life for myself. Its exciting to think that I very easily could give up my teaching career in Saudi and move back to Boston and attend graduate school in the hopes of landing a job as a policy maker. I already have connections in the educational policy world of Massachusetts.

So what is stopping me? Why aren't I compelled by a sense of duty and purpose to give up my comfortable teaching life and work as an educational policy activist?

Why?

Why do I always make the safe choice? Why do I take the easy way out? Why don't I take more risks? It's not that I'm fearful of failure....what is it? I don't consider myself to be particularly timid. On the contrary, I am always among the first of my friends to try new things, put myself out there and take the first step into a new venture. So why am I so resistant to giving up this happy, successful and "safe" life for work that could potentially change the world?

Fear of disappointing others? Myself?

I am trying to be as open and hones with myself as possible, but I genuinely cannot see the answer to this question. I cannot get past my mental defenses and see what is truly motivating me and my decisions. Am I allowing myself to continue driving forward or am I beginning to take my foot off the gas and settle into cruise control? Not yet, I tell myself, not yet. There are still miles to go and rubber to burn before I let myself settle for anything!