This past weekend I had the great fortune of meeting some desert queens. No, not members of the royal family, but rather, some Saudi drag queens!
Several months ago I met a very kind young man who I shall refer to here as Aladdin. Aladdin was a friend of a friend who wanted to take yoga lessons from me. I was hesitant due to the fact that I was already so busy with teaching, coaching two sports, advising student council and volunteering my time to help students with the school play, but I agreed nonetheless to teach a yoga class a week to an eager-to-learn Saudi man.
The second I saw Aladdin I knew we were going to be fast friends. He has the brightest smile I have ever seen and just radiates positivity and enthusiasm. Though our yoga classes were taught at 7pm, a time when I am usually finishing dinner and winding down from my day, I always left class feeling a renewed sense of energy and vitality. He is one of those kinds of people that just lights up a room.
He told me immediately upon meeting me that he was gay. Something he is very proud of and happy about. Of course he is compelled to keep this a secret. Though his father is aware of Aladdin's sexual orientation, he must hide this fact from his mother who he describes as "very religious". He also keeps his identity hidden from his colleagues and most of his friends -- except for, of course, "his queens" -- how he refers to his small circle of close friends who are also gay.
For months he had been inviting me to hang out with them, but their gatherings were always so late at night that I often declined. During the end of the year I become swamped with work, moving and attending work functions that I had to stop our yoga lessons and bid Aladdin goodbye for the summer. To be honest I thought I wouldn't see him again.
When I returned to Riyadh, we started messaging each other back and forth and finally last weekend he invited me over to hang out with him and "his girls" for a casual night of socializing at his house. I happily accepted and made sure to take a ginseng pill at 8 pm to be able to stay up all night. Most Saudi's don't start to socialize until at least 10 pm and they usually stay up talking and eating and drinking and smoking until 4 am.
The moment I arrived at Aladdin's house I knew I had stumbled upon something extraordinary. Here I was, in the private home of a young man who is compelled to conceal his identity. When I entered his lounge I was greeted by a group of 8 very young and good looking men. Too good looking. It was clear that these were Aladdin's so called "queens".
The first thing I noticed was the shoes. They had the greatest shoes! I kept complimenting them on their stylish jeans, tops, rings, necklaces and bracelets. I felt like I had walked into a mens fashion magazine. These were obviously young men that took a great deal of pride in their appearances and were very up to date on current fashion trends and styles. As they got to know me and we engaged in casual smart talk, somehow the show Sex and the City came up and within seconds of uttering the name it was as if Sarah Jessica Parker herself walked into the room.
"Oh my god, oh my god, which one are you!? Who are you! I am totally Miranda, he is totally Samantha, Saad is totally Charlotte"
When I revealed that I would be Carrie, they looked at me with a disbelieving look. Clearly in Saudi gay boy land, Carrie is the less interesting of the Sex and the City girls.
We continued the conversation by talking about our favorite moments from the show, we compared the show to the two films and laughed about our favorite scenes and cringed about the disappointing ones. The boys mentioned their favorite designers and celebrity crushes and I smiled and agreed and offered my own opinions and interests which they absorbed like sponges.
At around 1 am, when the conversation had moved outdoors and we were really getting into our discussion about Sex and the City compared with Girls, I couldn't help but have an out-of-body moment of reflection. Here I was, a single white American woman, a person who is suppressed and told to cover herself and hide her sex, surrounded by Saudi males -- the pride of this traditional country - being oogled over like I was a shiny new toy or Prada handbag. These boys were so happy to have someone to talk to about celebrities and fashion and music and sex and styles. I was so touched by the way that they embraced me, but more than that I was touched by their courage.
Saudi Arabia's justice system is based on Shari'ah laws. Unfortunately shari'ah law is difficult to interpret and enforce. It becomes especially difficult in Saudi Arabia considering how civilization has progressed and people's natures and behaviors and societal patterns change.
Sex in general, whether hetero or homosexual is a taboo subject. Over the years I have often consulted my Saudi friends, both gay and straight, about various laws in Saudi Arabia. I always get different answers. According to the Hanabalite jurist, Marʿī ibn Yūsuf al-Karmī al-Maqdisī sodomy is......
Several months ago I met a very kind young man who I shall refer to here as Aladdin. Aladdin was a friend of a friend who wanted to take yoga lessons from me. I was hesitant due to the fact that I was already so busy with teaching, coaching two sports, advising student council and volunteering my time to help students with the school play, but I agreed nonetheless to teach a yoga class a week to an eager-to-learn Saudi man.
The second I saw Aladdin I knew we were going to be fast friends. He has the brightest smile I have ever seen and just radiates positivity and enthusiasm. Though our yoga classes were taught at 7pm, a time when I am usually finishing dinner and winding down from my day, I always left class feeling a renewed sense of energy and vitality. He is one of those kinds of people that just lights up a room.
He told me immediately upon meeting me that he was gay. Something he is very proud of and happy about. Of course he is compelled to keep this a secret. Though his father is aware of Aladdin's sexual orientation, he must hide this fact from his mother who he describes as "very religious". He also keeps his identity hidden from his colleagues and most of his friends -- except for, of course, "his queens" -- how he refers to his small circle of close friends who are also gay.
For months he had been inviting me to hang out with them, but their gatherings were always so late at night that I often declined. During the end of the year I become swamped with work, moving and attending work functions that I had to stop our yoga lessons and bid Aladdin goodbye for the summer. To be honest I thought I wouldn't see him again.
When I returned to Riyadh, we started messaging each other back and forth and finally last weekend he invited me over to hang out with him and "his girls" for a casual night of socializing at his house. I happily accepted and made sure to take a ginseng pill at 8 pm to be able to stay up all night. Most Saudi's don't start to socialize until at least 10 pm and they usually stay up talking and eating and drinking and smoking until 4 am.
The moment I arrived at Aladdin's house I knew I had stumbled upon something extraordinary. Here I was, in the private home of a young man who is compelled to conceal his identity. When I entered his lounge I was greeted by a group of 8 very young and good looking men. Too good looking. It was clear that these were Aladdin's so called "queens".
The first thing I noticed was the shoes. They had the greatest shoes! I kept complimenting them on their stylish jeans, tops, rings, necklaces and bracelets. I felt like I had walked into a mens fashion magazine. These were obviously young men that took a great deal of pride in their appearances and were very up to date on current fashion trends and styles. As they got to know me and we engaged in casual smart talk, somehow the show Sex and the City came up and within seconds of uttering the name it was as if Sarah Jessica Parker herself walked into the room.
"Oh my god, oh my god, which one are you!? Who are you! I am totally Miranda, he is totally Samantha, Saad is totally Charlotte"
When I revealed that I would be Carrie, they looked at me with a disbelieving look. Clearly in Saudi gay boy land, Carrie is the less interesting of the Sex and the City girls.
We continued the conversation by talking about our favorite moments from the show, we compared the show to the two films and laughed about our favorite scenes and cringed about the disappointing ones. The boys mentioned their favorite designers and celebrity crushes and I smiled and agreed and offered my own opinions and interests which they absorbed like sponges.
At around 1 am, when the conversation had moved outdoors and we were really getting into our discussion about Sex and the City compared with Girls, I couldn't help but have an out-of-body moment of reflection. Here I was, a single white American woman, a person who is suppressed and told to cover herself and hide her sex, surrounded by Saudi males -- the pride of this traditional country - being oogled over like I was a shiny new toy or Prada handbag. These boys were so happy to have someone to talk to about celebrities and fashion and music and sex and styles. I was so touched by the way that they embraced me, but more than that I was touched by their courage.
Saudi Arabia's justice system is based on Shari'ah laws. Unfortunately shari'ah law is difficult to interpret and enforce. It becomes especially difficult in Saudi Arabia considering how civilization has progressed and people's natures and behaviors and societal patterns change.
Sex in general, whether hetero or homosexual is a taboo subject. Over the years I have often consulted my Saudi friends, both gay and straight, about various laws in Saudi Arabia. I always get different answers. According to the Hanabalite jurist, Marʿī ibn Yūsuf al-Karmī al-Maqdisī sodomy is......
"Sodomy is proven either by the perpetrator confessing four times or by the testimony of four trustworthy Muslim men, who have been eyewitnesses to the act. If there are fewer than four witnesses, or if one of them is not upstanding, they are all to be chastised with 80 lashes for slander" (Wikipedia)
As I talked with my new friends, all of whom classified themselves as "happy gay men" - I couldn't help but find myself feeling sympathetic for them. When I asked one of them bluntly "so what is it like being a gay man in Saudi Arabia?" they said very casually, "We live a double life" he said.
On the internet and in the safety of their private villas they can dress as they like, hook up with who they like and dance and play dress up like Beyonce as much as they like. But outside those high walls they must don their thobes (long white tunic) and shmaghs (red and white checkered scarves they wear over their heads) and take out their earrings and put on that stern expression mask of the typical strong Saudi male. They must hide their true nature from the world they call home. But interestingly, they didn't seem to upset about it. I would have thought they would have dreams of leaving Saudi Arabia or changing the laws, but rather I found most of them to be pretty satisfied with their lives as they are. "It is what it is" they said to me. "In another world, I wish I could be a girl" one of them said to me. I arched my eyebrows in disbelief -- a Saudi man wishing he was a woman? Seriously? How many times have I wished I could glue a beard onto my face and get behind the wheel of a car and just ride freely and without fear of judgement or criticism down Tahlia street (main thoroughfare in the capital). How I wish that I could stay out late with my friends and not have to wake up a sleepy driver asking to get taken home at 3 am.
Saudi Arabia is an interesting place and one that will always be near and dear to my heart. Like any love, it can frustrate me and drive me crazy, but it will always be a special place in my life. Like the brave and loving desert queens that I was fortunate enough to socialize with for a night, I too feel hope for the future. While young man may not be able to strut down the streets of Riyadh in fishnet stockings and firetruck red nail polish any time soon, at least there are those who continue to dream of a different future -- glitter filled and all.
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| Photo Credit: Leland Bobbe, Half Drag |
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