A Desert Diary: Adventures in Coaching

This past weekend (5 days total, actually) I travelled to Kuwait with my JV Girls Volleyball team. Fortunately, I was not by myself! I had my good friend, Liz, by my side (she is the coach of the JV Boys) and the two Varsity volleyball coaches as well. We all looked out for each other and supported one another during a very challenging, but very "educational" tournament. I say educational because I think we all learned a great deal, not only about volleyball but about life, competition and our selves.

The tournament was exhausting. I was responsible for the well-being and care and safety of 8 teenage girls all under the age of 16. We were staying in a hotel in Kuwait city and traveling to the school daily as well as venturing to two shopping malls. I felt like a parent. I was constantly on alert and always moving and looking around to count my babies and ensure that they all looked happy and safe.

At first I was nervous about our tournament. I did not have four of my starting players and I was nervous that the players I did have with me weren't experienced enough to make it through a grueling three day tournament. Yet my girls worked their hearts out and came through to win third place. An incredible feat considering that the competition was at a much higher level than they are used to here in Riyadh. Though we had secured a gold metal for ourselves during our local Riyadh schools tournament, I honestly went to Kuwait hoping for fifth place!

Every single day my players improved. They grew so much as a team and as individual players in just three days. I was so proud of them and they worked hard to earn that third place medal. The two teams that got 1st and 2nd place were definitely more experienced than my girls, so I didn't feel bad seeing them advance to the finals. I have very high hopes for the girls next year...

Though it severely breaks my heart to know that I won't be the one pushing them through to victory next year...

Some Coaching Musings/Reflections Inspired by the Trip:

* Children need constant support, affirmation, attention and encouragement. Boys and girls. No matter how young or old. Children come off as "needy" for a reason, because as they are growing and coming to shape their identities and purposes in the world, they need to feel supported in their journey to self-discovery. The best teaching/coaching advice my father ever gave me was if a child is begging for your attention, give it to them!

* Boys often need more attention and love than girls do. Girls can cry openly and express their emotions more freely without fear of being labelled as a "sissy" or any other undermining term. As a result, boys bottle a lot of their emotions up over time and during stressful or emotional events, like competitive sports tournaments, they need to be shown affection and support or else they will crack.

* As an international school teacher in Saudi Arabia, I feel as though usual teacher-student boundaries don't apply to me or my colleagues. My students know where I live, they see me at the gym, they see me lounging around the pool, they see me buying groceries...due to the fact that Westerners are confined to private compounds and complexes, our bubble is quite small and students and teachers know a lot more about what is going on in one another's lives than anywhere else in the world, I suspect. My students look up to me as more than just a teacher -- I serve as a mentor, a guide, a coach, a counsellor, a mom, a sister, a friend even to many of the children at this school. While almost all teaching manuals and guides warn teachers against being "friends" with their students, I cannot help but feel as though it is inevitable in a place like this. Though I don't consider my students to be my friends (because friends are people I hang out with casually, on purpose, outside of school) , I have heard many students refer to me as "their friend". We have been forced to think a lot about setting stronger boundaries with our students here - mainly in light of the Jakarta International School sexual assault scandal, but I cannot help but feel as though being friendly and open with our students is the only way to get through to them and help them engage in learning while living in such a harsh and socially restrictive country.

This had made me think: is it such a wrong thing to have your students see you as a complete and whole person? To see your strengths as well as your weaknesses? To see you at your best and at your worst? Doesn't it promote a sense of trust and open-ness for teachers and students to be honest with one another?

Is it possible for a teacher to remain an authority figure while also showing her vulnerable side?

I believe the answer to all of these questions is yes. I am a good teacher because my students trust me and the reason they trust me is because I don't hide anything from them. I am honest with them and serve as an authority in their lives by acting as a role model as opposed to a dictator. However, I must admit, that I feel alone in this at times. My idea of a perfect teacher is not that of an "authority" but rather, as a collaborator or guide.