On Monday, November 17th I conducted a workshop for my colleagues on the power of writing every single day. Adapted from the work of my Columbia professors, Sheridan Blau and Nichole Callahan, I lead an hour long workshop with several English, Music, Science, Spanish and Humanities teachers about the "Daily Discipline of Writing". The main message of my workshop was to share my ideas about the power of writing not only in their classrooms, but in their own daily lives.
Yet right now I feel like a bit of a hypocrite talking about the Daily Discipline of Writing when I have been slacking in my own practice.
Next week is four days of exam prep followed by exams and as per usual I intend to use that time to write. I always find that I am freshly inspired by the spirit of exam time to write and think more deeply about my own life and the work I do with my students.
Currently my students are sitting before me writing a practice essay for their exam. The room is quiet and there is a focused feeling in the air. They are my juniors and this is their first year taking IB classes. They are understandably nervous, however, I think it is a good thing. It is healthy to be a little anxious - I think it inspires you to work hard. If we never got stressed or anxious in school (or in life) I doubt we would try so hard. As much as I loved school as a teenager and was very successful as a student, I definitely stressed and worried about tests and essays and exams. Yet as a result, I pushed myself to study and improve and work hard. Yet, there is a thin line between healthy stress and detrimental stress. Detrimental stress is when you feel so anxious about your work that you just give up and stop trying or, as I see many teenagers do - stop caring. I think that is the saddest thing in the world - when teenagers stop caring. I know their reasons for not caring are often numerous and complex, however I cannot help but feel as though the world today is somewhat to blame for this.
The world today is full of ultra-successful people who flaunt their money and riches for the entire world to envy. When I ask my students about success, they all speak about it in financial terms. They either talk about being successful as "being rich" or "having a job that makes a lot of money" or "not having to worry about money" or "having others do work for you". Nothing is said about personal fulfillment, making a difference or being happy. As sad and infuriating as this is, I don't blame my students for thinking that way. That is the world they grew up in and they don't know any other world.
Yesterday I stumbled upon the following quote:
It made me smile, for it is indeed a gem of truth.
Yes, the world can be a very ugly and disheartening place. Yes, people frustrate me with their selfishness at times, as even I come to surprise myself with my own words and deeds of selfishness. I get very angry with myself when I behave selfishly, yet like an addiction, I often find I can't stop. I am "used to" putting myself first and prioritizing my needs. Not out of any lack of empathy for others but because I have been on my own for so long. As a teacher, I serve my students all day long. I work for them, because of them, and sometimes even in spite of them. I love teaching and I especially love working with teenagers. They inspire me endlessly and I wake up most days excited to go to work.
Yet when the weekend rolls around and my body and mind are drained from the constant stimulation of human-human interactions, I need some "me time". I've always been told to never feel guilty for this, but in recent months I have begun to feel a little guilty for the hours of time I make for myself. I do socialize and go out with friends to dinners and parties and get-togethers frequently. I also play on a softball team and work out with friends at the gym. As much as I enjoy these things and having "a life", ut truth be told, I absolutely love my time alone. It is when I feel most at peace and most like myself. I would do anything for my friends and will jump at the chance to help them, so as a result I consider my alone time to be more precious than gold. I struggle to say "no" to people because I feel as though it is my duty to be there for my friends and when they need someone to talk to, I have no right to deny them that. While I am the type of person who is comforted by myself, I know many need others for affirmation, comfort and support.
*******
As I concluded the above thought, a horrible dark cloud of a thought burst into the foreground of my mind....I'm writing about selfishness and as such I am perpetuation my own selfish needs by writing about nothing but ME! Yes, I mentioned my students earlier in this post but in the end, this entire entry revolved around me.
I need to get away from thinking about "me" so much. Yes, I strive to explore my own ideas and think deeply about the world, however, it creates a vicious cycle of "me"-ness that I cannot escape.
This is why, as much as I love my life here in Saudi Arabia, I need to leave this country. I need to build a life with another, with a person who is kind and loving and lives to serve others as well. I feel so fortunate to have found this person. This person who encourages me to be the best version of myself and who demonstrates kindness and compassion for others on a consistent basis. As much as I do cherish my "alone" time, we humans are not truly meant to be alone in our lives.
Yet right now I feel like a bit of a hypocrite talking about the Daily Discipline of Writing when I have been slacking in my own practice.
Next week is four days of exam prep followed by exams and as per usual I intend to use that time to write. I always find that I am freshly inspired by the spirit of exam time to write and think more deeply about my own life and the work I do with my students.
Currently my students are sitting before me writing a practice essay for their exam. The room is quiet and there is a focused feeling in the air. They are my juniors and this is their first year taking IB classes. They are understandably nervous, however, I think it is a good thing. It is healthy to be a little anxious - I think it inspires you to work hard. If we never got stressed or anxious in school (or in life) I doubt we would try so hard. As much as I loved school as a teenager and was very successful as a student, I definitely stressed and worried about tests and essays and exams. Yet as a result, I pushed myself to study and improve and work hard. Yet, there is a thin line between healthy stress and detrimental stress. Detrimental stress is when you feel so anxious about your work that you just give up and stop trying or, as I see many teenagers do - stop caring. I think that is the saddest thing in the world - when teenagers stop caring. I know their reasons for not caring are often numerous and complex, however I cannot help but feel as though the world today is somewhat to blame for this.
The world today is full of ultra-successful people who flaunt their money and riches for the entire world to envy. When I ask my students about success, they all speak about it in financial terms. They either talk about being successful as "being rich" or "having a job that makes a lot of money" or "not having to worry about money" or "having others do work for you". Nothing is said about personal fulfillment, making a difference or being happy. As sad and infuriating as this is, I don't blame my students for thinking that way. That is the world they grew up in and they don't know any other world.
Yesterday I stumbled upon the following quote:
It made me smile, for it is indeed a gem of truth.
Yes, the world can be a very ugly and disheartening place. Yes, people frustrate me with their selfishness at times, as even I come to surprise myself with my own words and deeds of selfishness. I get very angry with myself when I behave selfishly, yet like an addiction, I often find I can't stop. I am "used to" putting myself first and prioritizing my needs. Not out of any lack of empathy for others but because I have been on my own for so long. As a teacher, I serve my students all day long. I work for them, because of them, and sometimes even in spite of them. I love teaching and I especially love working with teenagers. They inspire me endlessly and I wake up most days excited to go to work.
Yet when the weekend rolls around and my body and mind are drained from the constant stimulation of human-human interactions, I need some "me time". I've always been told to never feel guilty for this, but in recent months I have begun to feel a little guilty for the hours of time I make for myself. I do socialize and go out with friends to dinners and parties and get-togethers frequently. I also play on a softball team and work out with friends at the gym. As much as I enjoy these things and having "a life", ut truth be told, I absolutely love my time alone. It is when I feel most at peace and most like myself. I would do anything for my friends and will jump at the chance to help them, so as a result I consider my alone time to be more precious than gold. I struggle to say "no" to people because I feel as though it is my duty to be there for my friends and when they need someone to talk to, I have no right to deny them that. While I am the type of person who is comforted by myself, I know many need others for affirmation, comfort and support.
*******
As I concluded the above thought, a horrible dark cloud of a thought burst into the foreground of my mind....I'm writing about selfishness and as such I am perpetuation my own selfish needs by writing about nothing but ME! Yes, I mentioned my students earlier in this post but in the end, this entire entry revolved around me.
I need to get away from thinking about "me" so much. Yes, I strive to explore my own ideas and think deeply about the world, however, it creates a vicious cycle of "me"-ness that I cannot escape.
This is why, as much as I love my life here in Saudi Arabia, I need to leave this country. I need to build a life with another, with a person who is kind and loving and lives to serve others as well. I feel so fortunate to have found this person. This person who encourages me to be the best version of myself and who demonstrates kindness and compassion for others on a consistent basis. As much as I do cherish my "alone" time, we humans are not truly meant to be alone in our lives.
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