Week 10: March 7 - 14

Week 10:
March 7 - 14


This week I had a paper due for my online graduate school course. I spent the majority of this week writing sections of the paper and not taking much time for informal, creative or journal writing. Therefore this blog post will be a collection of extracts from my paper. 

The "paper" I had to write, wasn't really even that much of a paper at all in the traditional sense. It is a self-audit: a type of analytical essay that allows for my professor to see how I assess, process and reflect upon my work as a writer. Being a "writer" is an unspoken requirement of our course. We are encouraged to engage in a Daily Discipline of Writing, meaning we must write something every day. It could be poetry, short stories, journal entries, blog posts, screenplays, rants....any form of written expression is allowed (and encouraged). While there are days where this feels like a tedious obligation, for the most part I engage in my Daily Discipline of Writing quite willingly. Sometimes I even find it necessary to preserving my sanity. 

So here are several excerpts from my self-audit, an essay I wrote as a means of assessing and reflecting upon myself as a writer:

This semester I am experimenting a great deal more with my writing style, technique, approach, form and needs. While in Cairo several weeks ago I bought a beautiful hand-bound cloth notebook that I have chosen to use exclusively for creative writing. I have filled approximately thirty pages in it with random creative passages, incomplete story-lines, partially composed poems, detached dialogue and other attempts at honing my skills as a creative writer. I must admit, the impulse to write creatively does not come naturally to me, but I am finding it to be a surprisingly comforting and engaging act. I have also, of course, continued to maintain my usual personal narrative writing practice in the form of journaling. Since January 19th I have filled approximately 40 handwritten pages in my large moleskine notebook (my notebook of choice). This is a typical amount for me. I wrote slightly less during the days I was committed to writing creative fiction, however, I always strived to “return to my roots” and write freely in my journal whenever possible. My journal entries are also accompanied by scraps of images from postcards, magazines and newspapers. I love juxtaposing text with image as I find it inspires and enhances my journal writing. 

At the beginning of the new year I made a commitment to myself to more regularly maintain my blog as a means of holding myself more accountable with regards to writing on a consistent basis (as opposed to writing on impulse, which had been my previous practice). My other motivation for maintaining an updated blog was to keep my parents and family members, without access to or interest in social media, apprised of my life. Since January 1st I have written one blog post a week and I plan to continue this habit throughout the year.  My blog entries range in length from approximately 500-2000 words. They are almost always accompanied by photographs. The writing style of my blog is semi-formal narrative nonfiction. The majority of these blog posts are travel narratives, however, occasionally I will write and reflect upon various ideas and themes that I think about on a consistent basis. Thematic trends in my writing are: independence, self-preservation, defining my life purpose, gratitude, self-acceptance.

I wanted to use this cycle of the DDW to really challenge myself and step outside of my comfort zone as a writer. I can’t just write in journals forever. I have ambitions of publishing a memoir or collection of my travel essays someday. Though I do not believe I have a future as a fiction writer, I found the act of writing stories to be surprisingly rewarding. I relished the opportunity to just make things up and use overly descriptive words in an attempt to paint more vivid pictures through words. I committed to writing creative short stories for the first two and a half weeks of February. Every single day after school I would engage in what I called the “30-30-30”. 30 minutes of running, followed by 30 minutes of yoga, followed by 30 minutes of writing. Creating a timed routine helped hold me accountable and it forced me to maximize my time and write with a sense of urgency and passion. It also prevented me from over-thinking it or judging my own efforts. While it may not be the most appreciative approach to writing, just sitting down and “getting it done” was the attitude I found I needed to adopt in order to most effectively complete my DDW.

After a delightful, but grueling hour of mind-releasing fitness (intense running followed by slow and deliberate yoga is the perfect combination of physical exercises to work my body and calm my mind), I would sit down at my desk and set the timer on my phone for 30 minutes and just write. I would not even give myself time to think, I just put pen to page and let the words drift away. I began writing with a singular image in mind; sometimes it would be a single word or sentence and from there I would let my imagination run away into forming descriptions of people, places or objects. I challenged myself to describe the settings and moments in my stories with as much sensory imagery as possible. I noticed that the majority of my stories contained Arab characters, places and experiences. This make sense. I have always been drawn to the beauty of the Arab world and because I have lived in it for the majority of my life. Even in my nonfiction writing, I feel as though I find a constant source of inspiration in the sights, sounds, smells and flavors of the Arab world.

Interestingly, for all the time I devoted to faithfully sitting down and writing creative fiction,I was never actually able to finish one of my creative short stories. In fact, I was never able to even go back and re-work an aspect of a piece I had already started. I had a narrow, forward-looking lens as I wrote. I would just write continuously, adding in more details and descriptions to the storyline I was pursuing, but I never had any sense of plot. I felt like an artist merely experimenting with color and technique. I would blend various words and phrases together and see what they looked like, and I marveled at the beautiful ways words can work together to capture a feeling or experience, but in the end, my canvas was just a smattering of colors, lines, shapes and sketches, there was no “bigger picture” or masterpiece to be seen in my creative writing practice. As a result of practicing this form of writing, I have developed an even greater sense of appreciation for famous fiction writers like Stephen King and J.K. Rowling. How they can work tirelessly year after year on the same story, with the same characters over and over again and juggling all these intersecting plot-lines in their heads at once is beyond me. While I plan to continue writing creative fiction from time to time, I think I will just stick to short stories and narrative essays for now.

I turn to writing as a source of empowerment, as a way to express myself and listen to my own voice. I am too easily influenced by the ideas and opinions of others, but when writing, I truly feel as though I am “the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”. I noticed this same sense of strength and control in the journals of Sylvia Plath as well. She too felt disenfranchised and at a loss of control over her life. Though we differ in that she struggled with depression and the loss of her father, we align in our approaches to writing because we share a fiercely competitive internal compulsion to be the best and impress everyone we meet. Plath discovered her voice through writing in a journal for the majority of her life. True, her prose is much simpler and “to the point” than that of her verse, but I find it to be even more beautiful for its simplicity.

As I look forward to the weeks and months ahead I cannot help but think about all the upcoming changes that are preparing to happen. I am going to be re-build a life for myself in New York City. I will moving to a new city, a new apartment, a new school and a new way of life all on my own. In my younger years I never thought much about companionship. I was always a fiercely independent young girl who relished the opportunity to be a trailblazer and step out into the unknown alone and unhindered. Yet as I’ve grown older and watched my friends and colleagues get married and start building families I cannot help but wonder if I am missing out on something. Most people envy my life. After all, when viewed on paper one cannot help but notice that I have so much in my life to be thankful for: I am free, I am single, I am financially independent, I am young, I am healthy, I am intelligent, I am employed. Yet, I am also alone. Though I describe the benefits of writing to my students, their parents and my colleagues as a way of honing critical thinking skills and engaging in constructive self-reflection, the truth is, we write to feel less alone. Writing is a form of communication and when I pour my heart out onto a blank piece of paper, I cannot help but feel comforted. Though a piece of paper cannot hold me in a warm embrace or provide me with any advice or words of comfort, writing gives me the power to be that source of love for myself.