Parent Teacher Conferences

These past two days have been absolutely extraordinary. Usually when teachers speak of “Parent-Teacher Conferences” they express their opinions with a great deal of exasperation and exhaustion in their voices. In my (limited) experience, PTCs have always been a wonderful and pleasant experience. Lets face it, usually the parents that actually do show up are the ones whose children are doing extremely well in class. Occasionally one may get the parent who is determined to prove their child is so much more than just “average” if only “we” teachers would pay them a little bit more attention, but for the most part, the parents that choose to value the time and opportunity to meet their child’s teacher are parents that have raised good, hardworking and kind students. 

In my previous school, the parents that showed up to PTCs were the ones who were sober and could get off of work. They were the parents/guardians that actually cared somewhat for their child and proved so by attending this bi-annually non-obligatory school event. Since I was so grateful to see even just one of my students’ parents I would usually just praise the child and express my gratitude to the parent for showing up. I would assure the adult present (because it was not always necessary a parent: I had siblings, aunts, grandparents and even neighbors show up to show their support) that I understand how difficult it is to raise a teenager and that they were doing a great job. I wasn’t lying necessarily, I was just filling their heads with so much positivity in the hopes that it may actually sink in and they would start dedicating more time and energy to ensuring the well-being of their cared-for child. Did it work? I can’t say for sure, but I’d like to hope that my words had some impact on their lives even if only for a few minutes or so. “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”...a motto I fervently believe in, especially in impoverished school districts. 

At this school, Parent Teacher Conferences are reigned in by a student recognition assembly. Two members of student council ran a special assembly on the half-day of school prior to PTCs commencing. The hour-long event was filled with awards, presentations and announcements about various school events and student accomplishments. It was certainly a point of pride for many of the students and the energy of the auditorium was one of positivity and enthusiasm. At the end of the assembly, the Student Council had created some special teacher appreciation awards that they distributed to a handful of High School teachers. They were goofy “superlative” awards. They went to teachers who were well known for certain personality quirks or special skills (one of the physical education teachers who is extremely athletic won the award “Most Likely to Outrun the Zombie Apocalypse”). Both students and teachers found the awards to be funny and endearing. To my great surprise, I won one of the awards! I won “Most Likely to Be Cooler Than You”. I was the only new hire selected. I felt so honored and happy. I know it is just a silly joke award but it made me feel so incredibly appreciated and loved. Sadly, I didn’t get much overt “appreciation” at my previous school. Though my students often sung my accolades to me in class, I was rarely told by my colleagues and administrators that I was valued in the school.  

After winning the award, I felt like I was walking on sunshine. I went into PTCs feeling confident and happy. The first day was filled with parents. I did not have a single spare minute to catch my breath or even take a sip of water. It was parent after parent after parent and I felt like my head was just spiraling out of control. Though it was exhausting, all the parents I spoke with were extremely kind and appreciative of me. I received numerous compliments about my teaching and demeanor with students. 

“Why do the kids love you so much?”

“My son just loves your class.”

“My daughter talks about you all the time.”

“My child thinks very highly of you.”

“Thank you, thank you for doing such a wonderful job!”

The next day of conferences was more of the same. Rather than feel exhausted, however, I felt uplifted by the parents and their positive words. They listened to me and respected my opinion. They praised me and thanked me continuously for my work. I felt good. I felt confident. I felt happy. This was me in my element. I genuinely couldn’t believe how respected I was by these parents. I couldn’t believe how many times I heard the words “thank you”. In two days, I was told “thank you” more times than within two years of working in my previous school. 

Is it shallow that I need so much positive reinforcement to feel confident and energized? I know I shouldn’t rely on external factors or others’ opinions of me to define who I am or my success, but winning the approval of others does fill me with a great sense of accomplishment and joy. I know that mentality can easily backfire; for example, I am easily hurt whenever I encounter disapproval or criticism, but for now I shall continue to ride this wave of positivity and not allow any negative opinions or external factors rain on my parade. 

How often do we tell the people we see on a daily basis “thank you”? How often do we tell a co-worker, teacher, neighbor, friend, or parent that we appreciate them? We need to spread the love. Everyone needs to feel valued. Everyone needs to feel needed.