Home for Christmas

Airplane Musings

Written on Flight LH 422 to Boston

I’ve got two and a half hours left until I’m in Boston. Two and a half hours after months of waiting should feel like nothing but I’m actually more impatient than ever. I am so close and yet, still so far. Two and half hours, that seems eternal. 

I slept quite a bit on my first flight from Riyadh to Frankfurt. It was two in the morning, so it wasn’t hard to fall asleep. Plane sleeps are never good sleeps though. Regardless of how many hours you are able to shut your eyes, you never really wake up on a plane feeling “rested”. Your neck, arms, back and legs are stiff and your eyes feel heavy and dry. I know I should be tired, but the closer this plane inches towards my home, the more energetic I become. I still cannot believe that I am going to be home in a few hours (Oh now its just a “few” hours is it? A few minutes ago those hours seemed like an eternity). 

I honestly don’t think I’ll feel as though I’ve truly “arrived” until I hug my sister at the airport arrivals gate and complete an hour and half of yoga. I have been fantasizing about going to a hot yoga class for days now. I need it like a drug. My body is so tight and tense as a result of this week’s stress. Oh, do I need some hot yoga right now. I need to release. I need to let go. I’ve been holding on to so much for so long. It is only through the intense Baron Baptiste practice of hot power yoga that I can really let go of myself and finally lose control. In that yoga studio I have nothing to do and nothing to think about. I just have to show up and listen and let my body flow through the teacher guided sequence of poses. 

I hold on to so much in my life: stress, pressure, fantasies, relationships, expectations, heartbreak, failures, doubts....why don’t I grasp onto the positive elements of my life more ardently? Why don’t I hold on to my many achievements and successes and accomplishments and positive qualities? 

***********

I just took a quick break from writing this to create a list of goals for myself as I have been instructed to do by my new life coach and guru -- Betty Rocker. I have bought her Fuel System book and have been reading her personal blog religiously for the past three weeks. In that very short amount of time I feel as though I have already felt a transformation begin. Her positive outlook on life and health and wellness is exactly the kind of mindset I need to thrive in this chaotic world. Her intelligence, passion, perseverance and hard work is so inspiring. I have always wanted to have a perfect body (who hasn’t) but I never knew how to go about it. I thought perfection could only be achieved through rigid rules, a strict diet and self-discipline that bordered on masochism. Over the years I’ve tried to implement a variety of those strategies and every time I was left feeling defeated and disappointed in myself. Betty Rocker’s philosophy (in a nutshell) is that physical and mental success can only be achieved with a positive mindset centered around listening to one’s own unique inner voice and true needs in life. She also tells us that it is necessary for us to have a self-written action plan of goals and strategies in which to achieve said goals in order to build strength and remain inspired. 

I’m so excited about embarking upon this new lifestyle. I’m obviously also a little apprehensive as well. It is going to be a big change and I am certainly going to be facing my fair share of struggles and challenges. However, something just feels so right about this. I’m not following Betty Rocker’s advice to be a certain weight or to fill a particular void in my life -- I am making this life change for myself and myself only. I want to look sexy for me. I want to have a strong and curvy body, not the thin model stick figure that the media so fervently promotes as “perfection”. I want to be the very best version of myself. I want to be my own source of inspiration. 

On My Way Home

Fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes left to go of the last school day of 2012 and then I am out of here! I shouldn't be so impatient. Today has honestly been an extremely easy day -- no students were in school and we teachers had the entire morning and afternoon to ourselves to grade in solitude and silence. 

I can't believe that I got all but one of my goals accomplished (I could not find the inner strength or motivation to grade 60 creative short stories....that takes so much time and those grades technically don't need to be in until the end of January. I was just being over-ambitious trying to fit that extra marking in before the vacation....)

This week I have graded 106 English Exams, 60 Essay Projects and 20 Poetry Anthologies.
The exams were really the biggest pain....blowing through the multiple choice is fine (a little dizzying but mostly painless). Reading essay response after essay response about the same themes, symbols, and literary devices present in but a handful of stories and poems was absolutely draining -- physically, emotionally and psychologically. I feel so ready for a rest. I deserve a break. I've worked hard, I've pushed myself to get everything done and now that's it. Hallas. Finito. Done. I'm out of here! 

My AMAZING Superintendent and myself
at our end of year Christmas Party

I cannot believe how quickly this half of the year has gone. Time seems to have sped along at warp speed since I was first offered this dream job. I can't believe I was hired in February of this year. I feel as though my entire life after that joyful point was centered around getting myself ready to move here. Getting documents prepared for my visa, saying many good-byes, enriching my mind with knowledge about numerous educational practices I knew I would need to be familiar with, forging new bonds of friendship and packing up my entire life into 14 boxes, 3 large duffle bags, 1 carry-on and a Longchamps purse.  

Packing up my apartment in June 

Checked luggage ready to go to Riyadh (packed that morning)

Flight out of Boston in August, flying over my home of Winthrop

Right now (yes, a great deal of time has elapsed since I initially started writing this post) I've just finished packing and watching one of my all-time favorite movies, Love Actually. This is all beginning to feel real to me now. I can't believe I am going back to Boston tonight! Though I said that time has gone by quickly, it has paradoxically also made it seem as though my past is further behind me. I haven't seen my friends and family in four months, but it seems like it has been years! As over-the-moon ecstatic as I am to see everyone, I'm also a little nervous. Will people be as excited to see me?

I've got two more hours until my driver gets here to pick me up and drive me to the airport. It is always at this point in my travels that I begin to feel as though I'm forgetting something. All the presents are packed tightly beneath, on top of and in between my clothes which have been meticulously and strategically organized in my suitcase. What to do now? 

Sit.
Breathe.
Enjoy this.

You have nothing you have to do. You just need to show up these next few weeks. 
Show up to the airport, to yoga, to friend's homes and to every new day. 

Nothing to do, sort, organize or plan.

Just be. Exist. Show up. 

Isn't it funny how hard it is to relax? Relaxing should be easy and effortless but in fact the opposite is true. It is a great deal harder to let go of our fears, doubts, insecurities and stresses and just melt into peaceful bliss. Our usually busy brains are discomforted by the inactivity, the nothingness. 

Well this Christmas holiday season I have made a pledge to myself do nothing but that which makes me smile and provides me with happiness. I will not do anything because I "have to". I will do only the things I want to. I know that sounds selfish, but I deserve this. 

With that, I'm signing off. My heart is full of love and glee, my mind is clear and calm, my eyes are tired, but my spirit is invigorated. 

Love

Love

Love

"love actually is all around"

Christmas white-board message from some of my 9th grade girls

Food for Thought

"The object of universities is not to make skillful lawyers, physicians or engineers. It is to make capable and cultivated human beings." --- John Stuart Mill

Alain de Botton

Alain de Botton is one of my most favorite writers. I believe his contemporary prose to be on par with that of Shakespeare's (and I do not say that lightly).  He seamlessly weaves complex philosophical concepts and theories with soft and accessible images of art, beauty and life that most educated people can relate to. The first book of his that I read was "The Art of Travel": a beautiful, intimate ode to travel that not only affirmed everything I believe to be true about the magic of trains, planes and automobiles, but it inspired me to look even deeper into myself and nurture the travel writer within me that I had been suppressing as a result of self-doubt about my writing abilities.

I am currently reading his most recent book entitled "Religion for Atheists". Though I do not consider myself an atheist, this book is a thoughtful and informative work that analyzes various strengths of religion and how modern day secularists can and should adopt "religious" principles and concepts in order to foster a more stable, enriching, successful and happier global community.

Enraptured does not even begin to describe the way I feel while reading a work by Alain de Botton. He is the kind of writer I dream of becoming some day. I feel inspired and empowered while reading his words.

Here is but a taste of some of the topics and ideas he explores in his book that have personally impacted my thinking and have forced me to stop, think and reflect.


"Since the Enlightenment, education - from primary level to university - has been presented as the most effective answer to a range of society's gravest ills; the conduit to fashioning a civilized, prosperous and rational citizenry."


"[University] graduation speeches stereotypically identify liberal education with the acquisition of wisdom and self-knowledge....."



"Universities are in the business of turning out a majority of tightly focused professionals (lawyers, physicians, engineers) and a minority of culturally well-informed but ethically confused arts graduates aptly panicked about how they might remuneratively occupy the rest of their lives."



"We have implicitly charged our higher-educationsystem with a dual and possibly contradictory mission: to teach us how to make a living and to teach us how to live. And we have the second of these two aims recklessly vague and unattended...."



"When religious beliefs began to fracture in Europe in the early nineteenth century, anguished questions were raised about how, in the absence of a Christian framework, people would manage to find meaning, understand themselves, behave in a moral fashion, forgive their fellow humans and confront their own morality....it was proposed that cultural works might henceforth be consulted in the place of the biblical texts. Culture would replace scripture."

Wellesley College, my alma matter

* Why do I believe the things I do?
* Why do I act the way I do?
* Why do I feel the way I do?

As young humans, we absorbed all the information and material around us that we were exposed to: things our parents said, friends said, teachers said, televisions proclaimed, books illustrated...we believed in everything that we saw, heard, touched, tasted, and smelled. As we enter adulthood, we become more cynical. We learn from our own experiences and the experiences of others and make daily rational decisions based on facts and numbers and projected outcomes. Feeling something is not valued in the adult world. Gut instincts are regarded with skepticism and doubt.

I live my life intuitively. I feel things very deeply and rely a great deal on my instincts and "gut" feelings. I'm not entirely sure why I do this, some may say I was born this way, others may theorize that it is a result of the way I was raised. Either way, I have found life to be far more fulfilling when I do not over-think the facts and I just let go and trust myself.

What is the key to a meaningful and happy life? The answer is different for everyone, but the first step to figuring it out is to stop, breathe and tune into your heart / spirit / soul / mind / conscience. Regardless of what you call it, the answer to determining what can and will make you truly happy in life can only be found within yourself. You need to ask the tough questions, be honest with yourself and throw out all the garbage -- societal rules, expectations, norms, stereotypes, concepts and opinions. None of it matters. What do YOU really want?

Knowledge is Power.

Feed your mind to feed your soul. 

Question everything.

Open your mind.

Open your heart.
Trust.
Have Faith.

Educate yourself.

Never stop learning.

Only then...
can

everything 
be
illuminated.

Favorite View from the Wellesley College Student Center

12.12.12

I was doing a lot of thinking and reflecting a few days ago on December 12, 2012.

It felt like a significant day. 12.12.12.

There was something so beautiful and haunting about the fact that this is the last time a day, month and year will align (well, at least for another century). The rationalist in me realizes that there isn't really any significance to human-designed numeric constructs of time, but the romantic in me thought it to be a day worthy of introspective reflection.

I thought about what I have accomplished in my life so far. I thought about the direction my life is heading now and what countless opportunities still lay before me. I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude for all that I have achieved in my life so far and I felt excited about the prospect of the upcoming year. Though I considered writing down some resolutions and goals, I decided to save that tradition for News Years, as usual. Still, it didn't stop me from thinking about the things I would like to accomplish in the ensuing weeks, months and years to come.

I'm not a particularly goal-oriented person. I fantasize a great deal and pursue my passions but I don't have a "plan" in life. I go with my instincts, keep an open heart and mind, and take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. Last year my News Years resolution was to say "yes" to life and I believe that this is exactly how I lived my life this past year. It resulted in me achieving a great deal of success. I felt my fair share of stress as well; I over-committed to work obligations, social engagements and personal projects ,but at the end of the day, I haven't regretted a single endeavor.

Life is beautiful and life is fleeting.
So much can happen in the blink of an eye....
           You can fall in love -
           Lose your life -
           Win a battle -
           Fall apart -
           Make a difference -

Was 12.12.12 a particularly special or miraculous day? Not at all. It was a day like any other. A day full of potential and promise. The sun rose and set and we humans all across the globe went about living our lives. A few of us may have stopped for a few minutes and reflected upon the symmetrical date, some of us may have even treated this date as a special occasion to celebrate or pursue a goal, but the majority of the world went on living. A cool reminder that every day can be special if you chose for it to be so.

Taking Time

Time for a new post.


While I honestly should be spending any spare minutes I have on school work and preparation for exams, I feel compelled to write during busy and stressful times such as these. Writing  helps clear my head and provides me with insights into my life that my mind would otherwise pass over or ignore. This is my way of meditating. This is my way of finding clarity.

I had an extremely restful and fun weekend. I needed that, desperately. A good balance of productivity and playfulness that did my body and mind good.

Thursday, I woke up early and put in an awesome double Insanity workout. It felt great to be back in the gym after having taken several days off last week to recover from a nasty stomach bug. I didn't push myself "to the max", but I took my time, sweated it out and worked my entire body. It felt good and empowering. I then caught the shopping van and headed to a newer mall here in Riyadh called Hayat Mall to go grocery shopping. Usually I get my groceries with friends who offer me rides generously, but this time I wanted to go slow, take my time and enjoy getting my groceries as opposed to rushing through like usual. It was so pleasant. The Danube Hyper Market (grocery store in the mall) is absolutely amazing. They had an Organic section and a Gluten Free section (first I've ever seen in Riyadh). Their produce selection was quite good and everything in the store was laid out so nicely. I spent a good 2 hours wandering up and down the aisles (my incredible finds: Agave Nectar, Bob Mill's Organic GF Cinnamon Oats, Swiss Chard, Amy's Butternut Squash soup and Green and Black's 85% Dark Chocolate....mmmm). I concluded my shopping outing by grabbing a cinnamon tea and reading at a coffee table....not in a family section. This was the first time I've ever seen a public coffee shop that allows both men and women to sit outside in non-segregated sections. I felt like such a little rebel!

That evening my great friend Alex and I got all dolled up for the Winter Wonderland Formal hosted at the US Embassy. Her husband was away in Bahrain for a boy's weekend, so we decided to have ourselves a girl's night out. Unlike most of the wives here, Alex loves getting dressed up, going out, dancing and having a great time. I shouldn't say most  wives don't like those things, but since so many of the married couples here have small children, their priorities have understandably shifted. Alex and I are two of the youngest teachers at school and therefore have bonded over our mutual love of dresses, Gin and Tonics and curled hair.

We weren't allowed to bring our phones or cameras into the event but it was truly beautiful. The bar at the embassy was decorated with Christmas decor -- fake snow, white lights, pine trees, blow up snow globes, Santa's and snow flakes. The food was absolutely delicious: assorted sushi, Caprese salad, slow cooked pork (we were at the American embassy after all), curry, roast chicken, thai stir fry....I ate so much dinner I had to forgo dessert (which looked delicious: pecan, pumpkin, raspberry and chocolate pies).

We danced the night away with some colleagues of ours as well as some new friends. I have to admit, it was so refreshing to be at a non-school event. I didn't know the majority of the people around me, but rather than  feel awkward or out of place, I felt relieved. It was nice to be able to dance my heart out without fear of judgment or the feeling like I'm being watched.

Friday was slow and lazy, but delightful. A recovery day. I scrambled to complete a little bit of work in the evening, talked to my dad on Skype for half an hour and was in bed by 8:30 pm.

It is so easy to get caught up in stress. It is so easy to lose perspective and feel as though the entire world is against you. Working out, eating healthy nourishing foods, and planning out little events in my life are my simple but incredibly effective strategies for maintaining my joy (and sanity). I have slow days and sad days of course, but my ability to "bounce back" from those bumps in the road is obviously the result of my hard work maintaining a "health and wellness-centered life" characterized by passion and joy in all that I do.

Alex encouraged me to buy this dress....my first ever "skin tight mini"! She's dramatically helped boost my confidence.