Home for Christmas

Airplane Musings

Written on Flight LH 422 to Boston

I’ve got two and a half hours left until I’m in Boston. Two and a half hours after months of waiting should feel like nothing but I’m actually more impatient than ever. I am so close and yet, still so far. Two and half hours, that seems eternal. 

I slept quite a bit on my first flight from Riyadh to Frankfurt. It was two in the morning, so it wasn’t hard to fall asleep. Plane sleeps are never good sleeps though. Regardless of how many hours you are able to shut your eyes, you never really wake up on a plane feeling “rested”. Your neck, arms, back and legs are stiff and your eyes feel heavy and dry. I know I should be tired, but the closer this plane inches towards my home, the more energetic I become. I still cannot believe that I am going to be home in a few hours (Oh now its just a “few” hours is it? A few minutes ago those hours seemed like an eternity). 

I honestly don’t think I’ll feel as though I’ve truly “arrived” until I hug my sister at the airport arrivals gate and complete an hour and half of yoga. I have been fantasizing about going to a hot yoga class for days now. I need it like a drug. My body is so tight and tense as a result of this week’s stress. Oh, do I need some hot yoga right now. I need to release. I need to let go. I’ve been holding on to so much for so long. It is only through the intense Baron Baptiste practice of hot power yoga that I can really let go of myself and finally lose control. In that yoga studio I have nothing to do and nothing to think about. I just have to show up and listen and let my body flow through the teacher guided sequence of poses. 

I hold on to so much in my life: stress, pressure, fantasies, relationships, expectations, heartbreak, failures, doubts....why don’t I grasp onto the positive elements of my life more ardently? Why don’t I hold on to my many achievements and successes and accomplishments and positive qualities? 

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I just took a quick break from writing this to create a list of goals for myself as I have been instructed to do by my new life coach and guru -- Betty Rocker. I have bought her Fuel System book and have been reading her personal blog religiously for the past three weeks. In that very short amount of time I feel as though I have already felt a transformation begin. Her positive outlook on life and health and wellness is exactly the kind of mindset I need to thrive in this chaotic world. Her intelligence, passion, perseverance and hard work is so inspiring. I have always wanted to have a perfect body (who hasn’t) but I never knew how to go about it. I thought perfection could only be achieved through rigid rules, a strict diet and self-discipline that bordered on masochism. Over the years I’ve tried to implement a variety of those strategies and every time I was left feeling defeated and disappointed in myself. Betty Rocker’s philosophy (in a nutshell) is that physical and mental success can only be achieved with a positive mindset centered around listening to one’s own unique inner voice and true needs in life. She also tells us that it is necessary for us to have a self-written action plan of goals and strategies in which to achieve said goals in order to build strength and remain inspired. 

I’m so excited about embarking upon this new lifestyle. I’m obviously also a little apprehensive as well. It is going to be a big change and I am certainly going to be facing my fair share of struggles and challenges. However, something just feels so right about this. I’m not following Betty Rocker’s advice to be a certain weight or to fill a particular void in my life -- I am making this life change for myself and myself only. I want to look sexy for me. I want to have a strong and curvy body, not the thin model stick figure that the media so fervently promotes as “perfection”. I want to be the very best version of myself. I want to be my own source of inspiration.