I have been having one of those odd weeks where I cannot seem to bring myself to do much professional work outside of designated school hours. I've been working myself hard at the gym and preparing delicious meals for myself every day (large scale "meal prep" is my new way of life now....its so genius, I can't believe I never thought of it before...rather than cook and prepare my meals on a meal-by-meal basis, I cook up big batches of food on the weekend so that when I'm too tired and busy to cook during the week, I always have healthy food ready to go) but when it comes to grading essays and creating handouts for future classes, the procrastinator within me starts screaming "You can do it later!"
I don't feel like I'm slacking off necessarily -- in fact, I'm always busy doing something; whether its responding back to emails, looking up recipes, planning future trips or reading the news. The problem is that those aren't activities that help me be a better teacher. Teaching is like high intensity interval training. You work like crazy for a few hours, then you get a short rest: work work work, then rest, then work work work, then rest. People often say that teaching is "easy" or "nice" because we have so many vacations, weekends off and an 8 hour work day, but the truth is that while our weekly expenditure of energy may be relatively minimal, say in comparison to a banker or businessman, we must perform at the highest level of intensity for those "few" hours in our day that we are teaching. Bankers and businessmen may work more hours, but teachers certainly work harder hours.
By the end of my day I am exhausted. If I get an hour or two of "free time" during my work day, I can't bring myself to grade papers or revise curriculum materials because my brain just needs a rest. I work hard and I love my job, but I'm not superwoman. I need some time to recharge my batteries.
Take this moment, for instance. I am sitting at my desk with a pile of creative short stories by my side that I needed to have had graded last week, but rather than bucking up and sitting down to grade them, I am recording my thoughts and reflections on this blog. I don't feel as though I am being lazy or "wasting" my time doing frivolous things (like shopping online or looking up YouTube videos of cute animals). I am writing. I am engaging my cerebral cortex and challenging my thinking both creatively and intellectually. Yet, writing these words does not grade my papers any faster or bring me closer to completing my grades (which are due in two days). I know this is just an "advanced" or "guilt-free" form of procrastination, but it is procrastination nonetheless.
The one benefit to writing is that it forces me to focus my attention inward and listen to myself and speak honestly with myself. I need to grade those stories. I don't want to, but I need to. My students put in a great deal of time and effort into writing them and I need to just get it done. One of the main reasons I made a commitment to myself to work out at the gym every morning was precisely for the "freedom" to be able to come home and have the time to complete school work and have personal time for myself. I need to step away from the blog....
But I did have a specific purpose in writing today!
This article was on the homepage of CNN.com this afternoon:
I am honestly ashamed to say that I have not heard buzz of this at all here in the Kingdom, but apparently a small group of women began a peaceful protest in the small town of Buraida (about 125 miles outside of Riyadh) and it has sparked several other similar protests in other cities around Riyadh. There was even one protest in Riyadh itself! That one lead by men protesting the imprisonment of women. Watching the CNN video brought chills to my spine. Not because I am scared or worried that Saudi Arabia is on the brink of a revolution, but because I am excited. These small events are indeed signs of progress happening in this country. Saudi Arabians are slowly, but surely, becoming frustrated with their lack of a voice and representation in the government. I love this country and consider Saudis to be some of the warmest and most generous people in the world, but they are deeply fearful of change. They are so rooted in tradition that they fail to see the beauty of modernity. True, I think that certain "modern day" freedoms and behaviors are quite deplorable (let me not even begin to disclose my thoughts on America's current gun laws) but giving all Saudi citizens basic rights for legal representation, employment opportunities and a driving license is not going to plunge the country into anarchy.
Change is slow.
I am a woman of tremendous faith in the greatness of humankind. I believe that we are all capable of change. I believe that we all understand and accept certain universal truths about what it means to be a good person and to live a good and honest life. True, not all humans choose to listen to those inner voices of reason, but I genuinely believe that deep down we are all searching for ways to fill our lives with peace.
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