Jacuzzi Musings

How is it already January 18th? 

How is the month of January almost over already?  Where has the time gone? It feels as though I was only just in the States mere days ago...

I had one of those particularly difficult days yesterday struggling with homesickness and general sadness. I felt this similar sense of loneliness and sadness last month as I was preparing to return to the States for the first time since my initial move. Now that I’m back in Riyadh, with now six months until I'm back in the States, I feel it again. I’m fortunate that this isn’t a frequent or persistent state of mind. I don't get sad that often, but when I do it comes in sudden and unexpected bursts. I should feel more grateful to have such a forgiving and resilient disposition, but I often forget to look on the bright side of things when I'm feeling anxious, stressed or sad. 

Fortunately, I was able to distract myself with work and planning and g0t over my loneliness relatively quickly. I went out to the US Embassy that evening and celebrated Mardi Gras at a masquerade party. It was a lovely evening full of friendly faces, delicious food and drink, intelligent conversations and dancing! I had a wonderful time and felt beautiful and happy. 

Though the evening was a success and full of joy, social engagements do tend to wear me out quite a bit. I woke up this morning feeling good, but in desperate need of some "alone" time. Therefore, rather than sit at home wallowing in thought or feeling sorry for myself, I decided to soak up some well needed sunlight in the jacuzzi. It was pure bliss. I feel so happy under the sun. There is truly no greater cure for a sad or heartbroken heart than a bright sunny day. Ostensibly I went out there to grade papers but I honestly think that, on occasion, personal time for myself is much more valuable. I can’t be the best teacher I can be unless I am mentally and physically at my best. It doesn’t take much, just a few hours of alone time to recharge my batteries. Already I can feel my confidence levels rising and my mental resolve solidifying. I feel strong and beautiful again (and its only been 45 minutes). 

I am so grateful. In moments of high stress, intensity and fear we often forget to feel gratitude, which is when we should feel it the most. Gratitude allows the body to steer its focus away from the self and to embrace a more selfless view of the world. Our world today has become a very self-driven one. How often do we hear the expressions: “dog eat dog world”, “survival of the fittest”, “every man for himself”, “to each his own”? Rather than building lives driven by the concept of contributing towards some greater good, most humans strive to achieve success for themselves and their own benefit. Why? Where has the desire to help others and make a difference for the good of humanity (and not for credit or a resume boost) gone? Why has money and personal success become more worthy than charity and kindness? I realize I sound hopelessly naive. I am, in many ways. I acknowledge the fact that for as long as man has walked this earth, he has had selfish desires. But didn't humankind used to be more community driven? Didn't the family unit evolve out of our need and desire to surround ourselves with others and collaborate as a collective to survive and thrive in the world? 

My head is swimming with questions these days. Perhaps it is the result of having crossed over into the new year so quickly; my mind is still stuck in contemplative mode. These major life questions about life and love that occupy my thoughts so frequently these days, though occasionally dark and depressing, are surprisingly quite refreshing. I enjoy thinking about universal issues, it makes me feel more connected to humanity as a whole. I may not have all the answers (or any, if the truth be told) but I am comforted by the fact that for centuries these questions and ideas have permeated the thoughts of human beings all around the world. I am not alone.