Leaping Into

I have come to realization that my greatest character weakness is my inability to say no. Another way to put it is that I am a compulsive people-pleaser. I care too much about people approving of me and liking me than I do about maintaining my own sanity. 

This behavior is evident in both my social as well as my professional life. I physically cannot say no to someone who needs my help. My heart reaches out to them and I want to contribute to the betterment of their lives more than I care about maintaining the peace in mine. This applies to friends as well as colleagues. 

As a result, I feel an odd combination of perpetual exhaustion and fulfillment. Though I sometimes resent myself for spreading myself so thin, I am also grateful to have such a full and rich life. I don't consider myself much of a complainer but when I complain it is usually due to people wanting or needing me too much. It is the result of having too much responsibility on my shoulders. It is complaining about people expecting too much of me. 

On the flip side -- I enjoy challenges and am honored that numerous people see me as a natural leader and friend. Though I enjoy being of service, unfortunately the limited number of hours in a day prevent me from truly enjoying and savoring the experience. I constantly feel pressed for time and overwhelmed by the amount of work I pile onto my plate before I've even begun to dig in. 

That being said, if all I have to complain about is the fact that too many people want and need me in their lives, then I am living a pretty sweet life. 



Speaking of which....here are some updates: 


Work is going well. I've got into this nice rhythm and flow with my students and am feeling confident and happy teaching them and exploring concepts of literature with them every single day. The only thing I have to complain about with regards to work is the grading. I try to give my students numerous meaningful and interesting homework and class assignments to enhance their learning....however, that then means I have "numerous meaningful and interesting homework and class assignments" to comment upon and grade. I find is so difficult to make assignments just pass/fail or "for credit". So many of my students put so much effort into their work that I consider it only fair to give them just as much effort in return. 

The fact that I am doing Romeo and Juliet and Merchant of Venice with my ninth and tenth graders (respectively) makes my life so much happier. Teaching Shakespeare is so enjoyable and effortless for me. I honestly wish I could teach nothing but Shakespeare for the rest of my career. You can access so many various avenues of interest in Shakespeare's works: history, psychology, religion, philosophy, drama, literature, poetry, language, art, war, economics, societal rules, culture....it is all there carefully woven between the lines ready for open-minded individuals to dissect and analyze and ponder over. Shakespeare is a " boundless sea" (his words) of insight into the human condition and experience. 

I had a very proud teaching moment today when one of my students came up to me after she took her test to show me her annotated Merchant of Venice text. She was so proud of herself and all the work she put into annotating that I just had to take a photo. It warms my heart to see students take pride in their work and to pour their heart and soul into achieving success. 

Moments that make me proud to be a teacher: 

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As many of you know, I am quite the health and fitness junkie. I love cooking and experimenting with healthy recipes in the kitchen. I love learning about nutrition and different methods of maintaining a physically and spiritually healthy life. 

Recently I've started experimenting with "Paleo" cooking (the basics of which entail eating only those simple non-processed foods that would have been available to our pre-agriculture cultivating ancestors).

I found a recipe for this "Raw No-Bake Apple Pie" that was just heaven....absolute heaven!! This has quickly become one of my new favorite deserts. 

The Base:
Pureed dates and almonds (splash of water and sea salt)

The Filling:
Pureed orange, dates, cinnamon, water

Cover the sliced apples with the filling mixture, let it sit to absorb the liquid and then layer into the "dough" in layers.

Refrigerate.

Devour.

With only 5 simple incredients this is a genuine healthy and wholesome food: 

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Last weekend, on Valentine's Day (a most dreaded, contrived and materialistic holiday), I woke up early to put in a nice workout and then ventured out into the desert with some friends. 

I responded so powerfully to the pure red fine grains of perfect sand spreading out across the horizon for miles and miles. I felt so alive and at peace being out in the sand dunes. There is something so hypnotizing and inspiring about being out in the desert. It's difficult to articulate, but it is a powerful physical-spiritual-emotional connection to the barren and clean simplicity of the environment that resonates deeply within my soul.  I felt happy and alive and warm and safe. 

Left with a renewed sense of positive energy (and a bit of a sunburn).

While I may dig myself into holes of self-induced stress and exhaustion by not saying no, I suppose I will always be a say-yes-to-life girl. Leaping into the future feet first without a moment's pause. Here I go.