Relief, Reflections and Great Expectations

Alhamdull'allah, life has finally gotten back to "normal". 

I am back to being just a teacher again (which, despite its own consuming challenges, is far preferable to being a social events planner). I learned a great deal this past week. I made quite a few mistakes and struggled emotionally more than I'd care to admit, but in the end I pulled off a successful event that made my students happy. The silver lining of this entire endeavor is that it has given me a better sense of what challenges to expect with regards to planning the prom. Though I am already dreading that 3-months-away event, at least I know what I'm getting myself into this time. There is still a world of work to be done in the meantime, but at least now I know where to go for help and support. 

Here are some photos from the Winter Formal:
(Though it may look beautiful and "put together" in these photos, I have to confess....all of it happened at the very last minute possible.....)

I had a meeting with my prom committee students yesterday and I sternly told them that if the prom committee is to organize any future fundraising events, it must be done entirely by students. I will serve in a supportive and encouraging capacity only. Bluntly put, they need to get their shit together. 

I'm about to run off to parent teacher conferences but I just needed a moment to write and process my thoughts before heading into the day....

I'm honestly feeling good. I feel healthy, happy, mentally calm and looking forward to a fun weekend in Bahrain with my friends Cody and Alex. Finally, a chance to escape. A real escape! At last! I deserve this. We're splurging on a nice hotel room and have made reservations at a very fancy sushi restaurant  where formal attire is recommended. I couldn't be more excited! I love any opportunity to dress up, show off and let loose. I don't do it often, so I appreciate it all the more when those rare moments come along where I can completely shut off my controlling/high-expectations/planning brain and just live my life in the present moment. 

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High expectations of life, people and myself define and shape my world view. I've reflected deeply on this personality characteristic and have come to the conclusion that this kind of thinking, rather than setting me up for success, limits me and sets me up for disappointment. Though educational theorists often discuss the vital necessity of having "high expectations" of students in order to motivate them to achieve success, my experiences in cultivating high expectations in my personal life has frequently led to disappointment. I have had a great deal of success in my life, but if I allow my imagination to run wild and expect too much of the world, I find myself let down. I need to learn to balance my high expectations with an understanding and acceptance of reality. I must also learn not to put too much stock in my hopes and expectations. When I begin to fantasize about a particular idea or person, I connect to that fantasy and form an attachment to it. When my imagined reality does not come true, the disappointment that follows affects me personally. And why should it? Though it may not be my fault if person or event fails to meet my expectations, it is my fault for setting those expectation so high in the first place. The world is a surprising and unpredictable place. Controlling certain aspects of my life (like my nutrition, appearance and  social engagements) is a defense mechanism that emotionally comforts me and makes me feel less helpless and powerless. Though too much self-control can be damaging and lead to negative habits, I greatly enjoy planning, preparing and organizing. It becomes a fun little game for me. In the end, all that matters is whether or not I am enjoying my life and living it to its fullest. As much as I like to try and maintain control, I must admit, my most favorite life experiences have always been the ones where I allowed myself to just let it all go.