Within these past few weeks I have become freshly inspired to write and explore more about Saudi Arabia. This has happened for a number of reasons....
Firstly, I fell for a Saudi boy. Though we had dinner dates and enjoyed each other's company, in the end our affections fizzled out because regardless of how hard we tried to ignore the inevitable, the truth was that no matter how much we liked each other or got along, he "wants" to marry a Saudi girl and live a traditional Saudi life. He once told me that he had "no control" over his life. Though many people consider Saudi men to have it made when it comes to their freedoms (they can travel freely, do not need permission to enter certain areas, can drive, do not need to cover) their personal lives are really no more free than their female counterparts. They are very limited by their families demands and expectations.
Secondly, I realized that that no matter how much I may "love" and be inspired by Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia will never love me back. No matter how hard I try or how tolerant I am, I will never be a part of this world. I will never be fully accepted by this society. I may be respected, but I will never be accepted.
Thirdly, I'm beginning to think about my future and where I see myself in five or ten years. I want to go to graduate school and I would like to find someone to spend my life with. I also ache to have more control over my daily life and actions. I want to drive and go out without an abaya and go on dates and walk on sidewalks and laugh and dance in public. I don't want to constantly be looking over my shoulder for the Ha'ia (religious police) or worry that I may inadvertently be breaking a law.
So I've started to take a deeper look into this country I have idealized for so long. I am actively making friends in the Riyadh community by attending as many social events as I can find. The majority are centered around the embassies which is wonderful for making connections and socializing, but they are seldom with Saudis. I recently wrote about going to two art shows here in Riyadh and those were wonderful. Though I did not feel as though the occasions allowed for me to "make friends", I still benefited from the experience of doing something out in the city without being surrounded by westerners. I was (and still am) blown away by the artistic talents of the Saudi men and women whose work I saw featured. I have started following many of these young artists on Instagram and am reminded daily of their skills and artistry. They are truly inspirational to me.
In an effort to maintain my writing and motivate myself to write more thoughtfully and frequently, I have started reading the blogs of other women living in Saudi Arabia. The three blogs below have become new addictions of mine. The first is an American woman going through a divorce with her Saudi husband (it is beautifully and heart-breakingly written) The second is an American woman happily married to a Saudi man. The third is a Saudi woman, mother of three and a postgraduate at a Saudi university. This one is probably my favorite because I appreciate her honesty, intellect and insights on relevant and controversial topics in the Kingdom.
Under the Abaya
http://undertheabaya.wordpress.com/
The Same Rainbows End
http://thesamerainbowsend.com/
Saudi Woman's Weblog
http://saudiwoman.me/
Though none of these women work full time (I so debated writing that because I know being a mother is a full time job and all three of these women have children, but for the purposes of my argument I am referring to professional jobs) and therefore have more time to write and update their blogs, they have nonetheless inspired me to take my writing more seriously and commit to telling my story and the stories of others in this misunderstood country.
But why? Why write? What purpose does writing and blogging serve?
Honestly, I've always considered my writing to be for me and me alone. It's selfish. I write for me. Writing has always been my form of therapy and I struggled to find justification for inflicting my thoughts on others. I began this blog as a means to communicate with my family and friends about my life here, far away from them, as most of my family does not have Facebook and it is important for them to hear from me and know how I am doing. Yet as I've begun to read more and more blogs and published personal narratives I could not help but think that writing and communicating my story could also inspire others. Maybe my words could strike a chord in someone and inspire them to write or travel or go into teaching. I still struggle with the concept of publishing my thoughts; after all, who am I, what qualifications or rights do I have to comment upon themes of love, life and education? In the end I overcame my doubts by reminding myself that we all have to start somewhere. I may not be the smartest, wittiest, most creative or eloquent, but I have passion and I have potential....and if all else fails, I have my mom, who will read any piece of garbage I write and call it Shakespeare (love you Mom, probably the only person who will read this).
Firstly, I fell for a Saudi boy. Though we had dinner dates and enjoyed each other's company, in the end our affections fizzled out because regardless of how hard we tried to ignore the inevitable, the truth was that no matter how much we liked each other or got along, he "wants" to marry a Saudi girl and live a traditional Saudi life. He once told me that he had "no control" over his life. Though many people consider Saudi men to have it made when it comes to their freedoms (they can travel freely, do not need permission to enter certain areas, can drive, do not need to cover) their personal lives are really no more free than their female counterparts. They are very limited by their families demands and expectations.
Secondly, I realized that that no matter how much I may "love" and be inspired by Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia will never love me back. No matter how hard I try or how tolerant I am, I will never be a part of this world. I will never be fully accepted by this society. I may be respected, but I will never be accepted.
Thirdly, I'm beginning to think about my future and where I see myself in five or ten years. I want to go to graduate school and I would like to find someone to spend my life with. I also ache to have more control over my daily life and actions. I want to drive and go out without an abaya and go on dates and walk on sidewalks and laugh and dance in public. I don't want to constantly be looking over my shoulder for the Ha'ia (religious police) or worry that I may inadvertently be breaking a law.
So I've started to take a deeper look into this country I have idealized for so long. I am actively making friends in the Riyadh community by attending as many social events as I can find. The majority are centered around the embassies which is wonderful for making connections and socializing, but they are seldom with Saudis. I recently wrote about going to two art shows here in Riyadh and those were wonderful. Though I did not feel as though the occasions allowed for me to "make friends", I still benefited from the experience of doing something out in the city without being surrounded by westerners. I was (and still am) blown away by the artistic talents of the Saudi men and women whose work I saw featured. I have started following many of these young artists on Instagram and am reminded daily of their skills and artistry. They are truly inspirational to me.
In an effort to maintain my writing and motivate myself to write more thoughtfully and frequently, I have started reading the blogs of other women living in Saudi Arabia. The three blogs below have become new addictions of mine. The first is an American woman going through a divorce with her Saudi husband (it is beautifully and heart-breakingly written) The second is an American woman happily married to a Saudi man. The third is a Saudi woman, mother of three and a postgraduate at a Saudi university. This one is probably my favorite because I appreciate her honesty, intellect and insights on relevant and controversial topics in the Kingdom.
Under the Abaya
http://undertheabaya.wordpress.com/
The Same Rainbows End
http://thesamerainbowsend.com/
Saudi Woman's Weblog
http://saudiwoman.me/
Though none of these women work full time (I so debated writing that because I know being a mother is a full time job and all three of these women have children, but for the purposes of my argument I am referring to professional jobs) and therefore have more time to write and update their blogs, they have nonetheless inspired me to take my writing more seriously and commit to telling my story and the stories of others in this misunderstood country.
But why? Why write? What purpose does writing and blogging serve?
Honestly, I've always considered my writing to be for me and me alone. It's selfish. I write for me. Writing has always been my form of therapy and I struggled to find justification for inflicting my thoughts on others. I began this blog as a means to communicate with my family and friends about my life here, far away from them, as most of my family does not have Facebook and it is important for them to hear from me and know how I am doing. Yet as I've begun to read more and more blogs and published personal narratives I could not help but think that writing and communicating my story could also inspire others. Maybe my words could strike a chord in someone and inspire them to write or travel or go into teaching. I still struggle with the concept of publishing my thoughts; after all, who am I, what qualifications or rights do I have to comment upon themes of love, life and education? In the end I overcame my doubts by reminding myself that we all have to start somewhere. I may not be the smartest, wittiest, most creative or eloquent, but I have passion and I have potential....and if all else fails, I have my mom, who will read any piece of garbage I write and call it Shakespeare (love you Mom, probably the only person who will read this).
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| Photo Credit: Cody Schellenberger |
This is so lovely Ash! I really want to try to read your blog more often. You are a beautiful writer and have always inspired ME! I often justify writting in my blog because you're writting In yours since I feel the sme as you: what qualifications do I have to write freely about travel and culture and now travel by bicycle? I think at the very least though we are somewhat qualified to write about our respective lines of expertise: ecology and education. Keep on living life to the fullest -you are certainly a expert in that!
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