Week 15: "My Saudi Boys"

Week 15:

April 12 - 18

A group of Saudi boys are having a pizza party in my classroom. They won a Student Council Super Smash Brother's video game competition and their reward was a pizza party in my room. 

Some things never change. 

These boys are all juniors and being a fly on the wall in my classroom right now is quite a sight to behold. 

I am sitting in the far corner of my classroom doing work (ok, let's be real, I'm looking up potential apartments to rent in NYC and preemptively panicking about how I am going to afford to live the life I have fantasized for myself). The boys are sitting in a circle in the middle of the room, noshing on their greasy pizzas and smiling and chatting in a beautiful cacophony of Arabic and English. As such, I can only pick up pieces of their conversation, but the few phrases and expressions I manage to hear both shock and amuse me. 

"I'm not getting married until I've made my first 3 million!"

"I'm not getting married, I want to buy a house!"

"I want to get married right away!"

"This one guy I know he has two girlfriends and they both know about each other and they're friends!" 

"Guys, who is coming to play football on Saturday?"

And on and on their conversation goes. 

I look out at them and cannot help but smile. These boys are the future of Saudi Arabia. Right now, their worlds are so simple and innocent. True, they may be experimenting with drugs and drinking and dating right now, but on the whole, their lives are innocent. They have no stresses or worries. They do not need to find a job right away, they all come from privileged families. The world is truly their oyster. 

A part of me envies them. As I strain my brain to try and calculate how much money I can afford to spend on rent per month and how much of my savings I will be losing slowly as I adjust to life in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I think about how easy it would be for any one of these boys to put a down payment on a beautiful condo in Manhattan or rent a penthouse in Chelsea. A life of unlimited riches...that must be nice. 

But then I think about my own life and all the beauty and love I have experienced and felt. I have two parents. Two loving parents who work hard, respect one another and genuinely enjoying spending time with my sister and I. For as long as we have lived, my parents have prioritized the needs of my sister and I above all else. They have taken us on beautiful vacations and encouraged us to take risks and pursue our passions. They have showered us with praise and love and gratuitous attention. 

When I think about my adult Saudi male friends, I see a group of very closed-off men. Secretive men. Selfish men. Men that prioritize their own needs over those of the women in their lives (save their mothers...mothers are sacrosanct).

But as I look out at this group of Saudi boys in front of me, it suddenly dawns on me that maybe the reason that they band so close together is because their friends are the only source of love, inspiration, respect and encouragement they have. Do their parents shower them with attention? Probably not. I think Saudi boys are expected to fend for themselves. This must be the reason they develop such selfish natures. Not selfish in the narcissistic sense, but selfish in the "we don't let in outsiders" sense. Family is everything. Their friends are an extension of their family. 

I think back to years ago when I feel for a Saudi boy. I couldn't understand why my affections were not returned. I couldn't understand why no matter how hard I tried, I was never treated the same as his guy friends. 

I get it now. 

It is a form of self-preservation. 

I genuinely love these boys, these funny, emotional, ridiculous Saudi students of mine. I do not agree with many of their views and opinions about the world. I certainly resent the fact that they are so much younger and less experienced than me and yet they have more rights and freedoms than me in this country (about half of this group have cars of their own). But there is something about them that warms my heart. Watching them sit together and talk and socialize and look so natural and at ease is honestly a thing of beauty. Though they would cringe to hear me say this, these boys really do love each other. 

Week 9: "Prayer Call"

Week 9:
Feb 27 - Mar 6

It is 7:30 pm and the distant sounds of prayer call lull me into a state of calm. No matter where you may be in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia you are always within earshot of prayer call. The elongated vowels undulating up and down in a hypnotic rhythm have no meaning for me intellectually or spiritually, but emotionally they are a powerful source of comfort.

Five times a day, no matter what, the muezzin sings a prayer up into the heavens and into the homes and hearts of all of the country’s inhabitants. Most Westerners curse the call to prayer, for at the very moment the first “Allah” is chanted, all stores and banks and restaurants shut down immediately. Doors are locked, screens are lowered, gates are shut and people are shuffled out into the streets and corridors of offices and shopping centers. When in the middle of running errands this scheduled interruption can be quite irritating. I have often found myself sprinting through aisles, plucking cans and boxes off shelves in a rabid manner, arriving at the cashier red-faced and panting, as the teller slowly slinks away for his religiously sanctioned “break”. Much to the chagrin of the religious police, very few people actually pray during prayer call. Most cashiers and waiters and store clerks leave their positions during prayer call to step outside to make phone calls, chat and smoke cigarettes. They passively stare at frustrated customers attempting to bargain for the opportunity to make one final purchase or complete their transaction. But their efforts are in vain. It is out of their hands, they shrug apathetically.

But I must admit, prayer call doesn’t much bother me (except, of course, for when I have just sprinted to the cashier and missed the chance to pay for my goods by a fraction of a second). I often savior the opportunity to step out of my hurried tracks and just wander about aimlessly, staring into closed shop windows, observing the men, women and children around me who have also had to press the pause button on their lives as well. Some curl up on benches and floor space and just sit patiently waiting for prayer call to pass. Others walk about aimlessly. Many just stand leaning against walls and door entrances tapping away on their cellphones, no doubt playing the newest version of Candy Crush.

Oftentimes, I will wander into the bathroom during prayer call to watch the women shed their veils and abayas and chat and gossip as they touch up their lipstick, eyeliner and curled coifs. As a child it amazed me how beautifully the Saudi women dressed under their concealing, black, religiously-sanctioned robes and veils. I couldn’t understand why they would put so much effort into doing their hair and make up when no one would see it. It wasn’t until I moved back to Saudi as an adult that I began to understand the phenomenon. Appearances are everything in Saudi Arabia. It isn’t only what you look like, but whom you know and whom you associate with. One’s reputation is everything. Though Westerners care about their looks and reputations as well, in Saudi these things rank supreme. It is difficult to explain, but it is a way of life that is deeply rooted in traditional tribal codes of conduct.

Unable to understand the stunning women’s animated Arabic conversations, I slip out of the bathroom after a few minutes and check my phone to see how much longer I have until prayer is over. I have an app on my phone that tells me when prayer call is and how much longer until the next one.  Prayer usually only lasts about thirty minutes, although sometimes (oftentimes) store clerks and owners are slow to get back to work and deal with the demands of others. And truth be told, I can’t say that I necessarily blame them.

The key to surviving in Saudi Arabia as a westerner is to simply embrace the crazy. Ladies, embrace the veil and the abaya. It’s honestly a relief to wear sometimes – no one ever knows that I’m walking out and about in just my pajama bottoms and a sports bra! Bad hair day? Not a big deal with a loosely draped veil over those untamed locks. Prayer call screwing up your schedule? What a great excuse to arrive late to events you don’t want to go to or to catch up on emails or social media. Segregated restaurants and lack of quality food frustrating you? What a wonderful opportunity to buy a cookbook and learn how to make different types of meals. The lack of social opportunities in Saudi can certainly be frustrating, especially for young, single people like myself, but on the other hand, it allows me to spend my time doing more productive and healthy things, like go to the gym, write and cook healthy meals. The secret to happiness, in any country or situation is to focus on the positives. Life is all about perspective. I could easily let the religious and societal rules of Saudi Arabia drive me into insanity, but I choose to focus my attention on energy on the things I can do as opposed to complain about the things I can’t. As a result, I am able to deal with difficult situations in a healthy and meaningful way. Life is what you chose for it to be. So I choose to smile, wander and make the most of the thirty minutes of stillness that is prayer call. 

Mama Returns to the Desert!!!!!!

After 13 years, my mama, Mary Ellen Cochran, finally returns to the Kingdom! 

Though she was only able to stay for a week, it was by far the most energetic, fun, sleepless and happy week I've had in Saudi Arabia for a while! 

Every day the two of us would just wake up beaming, re-living our happy memories from years ago.  Sites and smells and faces would activate our memories and we would share our remembrances with one another fondly. 

I have honestly never seen my mother so happy. She was received like a celebrity the second she stepped foot on AIS-R's campus. Brian greeted her with a giant bouquet of flowers and a paper crown dubbing her the Queen of Hearts - a homage to her days as the elementary school counsellor. She and Brian could not stop smiling and laughing every second they were together. They have a genuine loving friendship marked by mutual admiration and respect for one another. Brian paraded my mother around the campus and I followed along sheepishly. She came to school twice and was able to sit in on me teaching and catch up with some of her old friends and colleagues. 

Every single day was filled with social gatherings. Dinners, lunches, parties.....I barely slept for the entire week that she was here. We were wined and dined by friends every evening. We barely left each other's sides except for when I had to go to school and she made the wise decision to just stay in my villa and relax. 

Now that she's gone back home to Brussels, I miss her terribly! I would love for her to come and stay with me next year for a month or two, its so nice to have a partner in crime here. My favorite day that she was here was when I took the day off work to go to the Gold Souks in Clock Tower (or "Chop Chop Square" as she fondly calls it) followed by one of the best lunches I have ever had in The Globe restaurant atop Faisaliah Tower. 

I feel so grateful to have such wonderful and supportive parents. They love me unconditionally - more than themselves and have always encouraged me to pursue anything of my heart's desire. They seldom told me "no" and always filled me with positive ideals about the world and myself. 

Thank you Mom for being the greatest mother in the world! 

I love you with all my soul. 

Mama in the gold souk......gold gold everywhere!

Had enough gold? How about some diamonds....

Mom by Masmak Fort just outside the souk

SMILE!!! 

Mom in her favorite place....chop chop square (she was convinced the guy in the background was washing away blood)

Hello from the Clocktower

View from the Globe (top of Faisaliah Tower)

Isn't she cute.....

Kingdom Tower in the background

Mom really liked these sparkly stairs...

Our table for two

Mom's delicious sea food plate. It tasted like the ocean!

My meal -- a deliciously succulent lamb steak on a bed of risotto and wild mushrooms

View of downtown Riyadh

Mom and I went out to the observation deck....we are reflected in the Globe

Reflective Mama relaxing after our meal.....

Dubai.....freedom and solitude

I needed a break.

From life, from work, from friends, from myself....

When it came time to pick a destination for my Spring break a lot of ideas came to mind....Belgium to be with my mom, London to see theater, Boston to be with my sister, Jeddah to go diving....

But in the end I realized that I just needed one thing....the beach. So I booked my flight and hotel in Dubai with the intention of spending my break completely at peace alone on the beach not "doing" anything and not planning a single thing.

It was just what my mind and body needed. 

Every morning I woke up at 8 am and went to a hot yoga class. It was so refreshing to be back in a yoga studio and be able to just surrender myself to my mat and breathe and take direction from a teacher. As much as I love teaching yoga, there is nothing I love more than just silently moving through a class listening to the guiding instructions of someone else, allowing me to just let go of control and feel truly free. 

The yoga studio was called Rawr Yoga and it is definitely worth a visit anytime one is in Dubai. It's in Dubai Media City on the 7th floor of Concord Towers. It was only a 10 minute taxi ride from Jumeriah Beach Resort, where I was staying. Not the nicest looking area, but the studio had a window that looked out over Dubai with the Burj Khalifa in the distance. 

After yoga I returned back to my hotel, slipped into my swim suit and sprinted down to the beach. The water was so blue and warm and refreshing. I spent the entire afternoon sun tanning and reading and listening to music. It was pure heaven. That's really all I need to be happy: a beach and a book. 

I felt positively elated. My hotel room overlooked the ocean and was up on the 31st floor. I woke up every morning feeling so grateful and high on life. My hotel room was absolutely stunning -- the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in and a spacious bathtub that I could sit in and still see the ocean. 

Sometimes I can hardly believe my life.....

It feels like a dream sometimes. I feel like I don't deserve this. Yes, I've worked hard my entire life and made numerous personal sacrifices in order to achieve success, but I still struggle to accept this joy and happiness. Maybe it's the Catholic in me. Whatever it is, it makes me an incredibly grateful person and inspires me to work harder and try and spread my joy and wealth around as much as I can. 

Desert Love

Photos from my trip to the Edge of the World. 

One of the most beautiful places on earth. I could hardly breathe in response to all the beauty around me. 

I feel so happy, calm and inspired in the desert. There is something so beautiful about it's barrenness that stimulates the mind's imagination and inspires thoughts of reflection and wonder. 

Words honestly cannot do this place justice. So I shall speak through my armature iPhone photography