I've been thinking a lot recently about the women of Saudi.
The wives. The daughters. The sisters. Native Saudi women, foreign-women-who-married-Saudis, rich women, poor women, successful women, underprivileged women. There are many different types of women in Saudi and while we are all different and unique in our own way, we are united by a common curse. The inability to love freely.
Life for women here isn't all bad. Some would even say that it is preferable! There are many protections and luxuries for women in the Kingdom. Indeed, I feel safer and more cared for and revered in this country than I have in almost any other place in the world. I have professional drivers divert me through city traffic and patiently wait for me outside of malls and compounds. I have male friends who offer to bring me home after parties or dinners so I won't have to stand around waiting or spend money getting a driver. As a western woman I am free to think, read, socialize and work here. But I am not free to love.
Books have been written extensively about this subject and while I hardly consider myself qualified to analyze the depth and complexity of Western relations in the Arab world, two recent conversations with Arab friends (one male and one female) have solidified the concept for me. Naive though I may be, and a die-hard romantic, my walls have come shattering down and I have been forced to accept the fact that Western women and Saudi men cannot have lifelong fulfilling loving relationships.
Now is that necessary for relationships to be made or even to flourish? Of course not. There are many happy and successful marriages here and close knit relationships between men and women, however what I have found is that there are many different TYPES of love in this world and in Saudi Arabia, free love is not possible here.
My observations: the majority of wives of Saudi men do not speak out and assert themselves, they follow their husbands around from place to place and in the case of a woman possessing the qualities or strength and leadership skills she will likely leave the country and be apart from her husband for months at a time. Relationships here are vastly different from those I grew up around -- where husband and wife were equals and where both were appreciated and made compromises and balanced their life so that each could live happily. In Saudi the women do most of the compromising. Western women who have fallen in love with Saudi men must deal with a tremendous deal of scrutiny. They must watch what they say, how they dress, who they associate with, and how they spend their time. In addition, they are often subjected to criticism from the Saudi "family" or tribe. Women all around the world must deal with societal and familial pressures and expectations, but the trouble here in Saudi Arabia is that western women are so far removed from one's "native" culture that there is little here to bring them comfort and solace. In theory, it should be husband that provides his wife with that reassuring affection and support, yet the men here struggle as well. They have inordinate amounts of pressure on themselves to uphold their bonds of honor, leadership, power and loyalty. They are also not free.
I struggle with these thoughts and ideas because I have always believed that that "love can conquer all" and that true love between people from different worlds/religions/societies could overcome prejudice, traditions and oppression. Love should be complicated and inconvenient but it must also be fulfilling and joyous.
My Saudi male friends are very good to me and treat me with dignity and respect, but I also know that they would never regard me as a "potential wife" because I am not a part of their world. I may love Saudi Arabia and revel in its history and traditions, but it is not my world. In these modern times, young Saudi men are looking to solidify their family bonds and strengthen their family names. With the influx of foreigners into the Kingdom over the past 30 years, most Saudi families are now rather heterogeneous. It would seem that most parents are strongly encouraging their sons to marry Saudi women as an attempt to keep their heritage and traditions alive.
I cannot help but wonder whether or not this is right. My initial reaction is that this kind of thinking is holding Saudi society back. Whenever I go out into the city I see a country full of potential. This place is just bursting to evolve and advance. They are on the threshold....but seem resistant to taking the leap of faith.
As always.....I believe it comes back to the women. Women -- you are the agents of change. You are the ones who can make it happen.
While I may never be accepted into Saudi society, as a woman I feel it is my duty to empower my fellow sisters and provide them with all the support I am capable of. But how do I do that exactly? How do I aid in their self-empowerment? I have very few Saudi female friends, so how can I reach out to a community that strives to remain private? Oh, I wish I knew.....inshallah one day the answer will come to me.
Artwork of Fida Alhussan:
Many of the women [in her paintings] are in alluring colors and outlandish garments. “You are strong and powerful with all of your colors,” says Alhussan firmly. “I want to represent women as able. Women in Arab societies are confined, but I work with non-Arab models to prove that you, women, are all the same. You have the same ambitions; same thoughts; same aspirations. Your headscarf does not prevent or diminish your freedom. You don’t have to be blonde or possess European features to be accepted by others.”
The wives. The daughters. The sisters. Native Saudi women, foreign-women-who-married-Saudis, rich women, poor women, successful women, underprivileged women. There are many different types of women in Saudi and while we are all different and unique in our own way, we are united by a common curse. The inability to love freely.
Life for women here isn't all bad. Some would even say that it is preferable! There are many protections and luxuries for women in the Kingdom. Indeed, I feel safer and more cared for and revered in this country than I have in almost any other place in the world. I have professional drivers divert me through city traffic and patiently wait for me outside of malls and compounds. I have male friends who offer to bring me home after parties or dinners so I won't have to stand around waiting or spend money getting a driver. As a western woman I am free to think, read, socialize and work here. But I am not free to love.
Books have been written extensively about this subject and while I hardly consider myself qualified to analyze the depth and complexity of Western relations in the Arab world, two recent conversations with Arab friends (one male and one female) have solidified the concept for me. Naive though I may be, and a die-hard romantic, my walls have come shattering down and I have been forced to accept the fact that Western women and Saudi men cannot have lifelong fulfilling loving relationships.
Now is that necessary for relationships to be made or even to flourish? Of course not. There are many happy and successful marriages here and close knit relationships between men and women, however what I have found is that there are many different TYPES of love in this world and in Saudi Arabia, free love is not possible here.
My observations: the majority of wives of Saudi men do not speak out and assert themselves, they follow their husbands around from place to place and in the case of a woman possessing the qualities or strength and leadership skills she will likely leave the country and be apart from her husband for months at a time. Relationships here are vastly different from those I grew up around -- where husband and wife were equals and where both were appreciated and made compromises and balanced their life so that each could live happily. In Saudi the women do most of the compromising. Western women who have fallen in love with Saudi men must deal with a tremendous deal of scrutiny. They must watch what they say, how they dress, who they associate with, and how they spend their time. In addition, they are often subjected to criticism from the Saudi "family" or tribe. Women all around the world must deal with societal and familial pressures and expectations, but the trouble here in Saudi Arabia is that western women are so far removed from one's "native" culture that there is little here to bring them comfort and solace. In theory, it should be husband that provides his wife with that reassuring affection and support, yet the men here struggle as well. They have inordinate amounts of pressure on themselves to uphold their bonds of honor, leadership, power and loyalty. They are also not free.
I struggle with these thoughts and ideas because I have always believed that that "love can conquer all" and that true love between people from different worlds/religions/societies could overcome prejudice, traditions and oppression. Love should be complicated and inconvenient but it must also be fulfilling and joyous.
My Saudi male friends are very good to me and treat me with dignity and respect, but I also know that they would never regard me as a "potential wife" because I am not a part of their world. I may love Saudi Arabia and revel in its history and traditions, but it is not my world. In these modern times, young Saudi men are looking to solidify their family bonds and strengthen their family names. With the influx of foreigners into the Kingdom over the past 30 years, most Saudi families are now rather heterogeneous. It would seem that most parents are strongly encouraging their sons to marry Saudi women as an attempt to keep their heritage and traditions alive.
I cannot help but wonder whether or not this is right. My initial reaction is that this kind of thinking is holding Saudi society back. Whenever I go out into the city I see a country full of potential. This place is just bursting to evolve and advance. They are on the threshold....but seem resistant to taking the leap of faith.
As always.....I believe it comes back to the women. Women -- you are the agents of change. You are the ones who can make it happen.
While I may never be accepted into Saudi society, as a woman I feel it is my duty to empower my fellow sisters and provide them with all the support I am capable of. But how do I do that exactly? How do I aid in their self-empowerment? I have very few Saudi female friends, so how can I reach out to a community that strives to remain private? Oh, I wish I knew.....inshallah one day the answer will come to me.
Artwork of Fida Alhussan:
Many of the women [in her paintings] are in alluring colors and outlandish garments. “You are strong and powerful with all of your colors,” says Alhussan firmly. “I want to represent women as able. Women in Arab societies are confined, but I work with non-Arab models to prove that you, women, are all the same. You have the same ambitions; same thoughts; same aspirations. Your headscarf does not prevent or diminish your freedom. You don’t have to be blonde or possess European features to be accepted by others.”
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