Nerd

As I prepare to travel to Bangkok, Thailand at the end of this week (just 2 more teaching days to go) I cannot help but find myself in super-nerd mode!

These past few days I have been perusing the NESA website (www.nesacenter.org) and reading about all the phenomenal workshops that are being offered during the four day conference. I've even pre-selected which workshops I want to attend and have made a little schedule for myself of top choices and alternate options should a certain workshop be filled. I feel like I'm going back to college again! The titles of some of the workshops I plan on attending are:

• "Trouble in Paradise: Counselling Vulnerable Adolescents"
• "Rise to the Challenge: Teaching Young People to Write"
• "Breaking Down the Borders of the Standard Classroom with Technology"
• "Raising Cain: Protecting Emotional Lives of Boys"
• "Quirky Kids: Understanding and Supporting the Unique Student"
• "Does Gender Matter? The Neuro-biology of Gender Differences in Learning"
• "The Creating of Arabish: Technology in the Arab World"

My mind is just exploding with joy and excitement right now. I can't wait to be a student again and take notes inspired by the thoughts, research and philosophies of all these experts in their fields. I have so much to learn. Not just in my professional field of "Education" but about life in general. It is almost overwhelming to think about all the vast and different kinds of knowledge that exist out there in the universe. I cannot help but crave it all! 

Not only am I looking forward to this conference, but this thirst for knowledge is also making me look forward to expanding my knowledge and learning in the months and years to come! Right now I have just finished entering grades and comments for report cards and prior to composing this blog post I was "procrastinating" by perusing Columbia University's Teacher's College Graduate Programs! I can't wait to go to Grad School. I can't wait to challenge myself on that superior intellectual level and gain greater and deeper insight into the areas of education that interest me. 

Unfortunately, my academic interests are quite divided...

On the one hand I am interested in pursuing a degree in Urban Education (with an emphasis on Social, Emotional and Behavioral "SEB" Programs). 

That is really and truly where my heart lies....urban education is what inspired me to become a teacher in the first place and it is what empowered me as a young novice fresh out of college to continue to work hard and strive to make a difference in the world. 

Yet, I also love teaching in International Schools and would love to pursue a degree in International Education or Comparative Education. 

In addition, I've just read about a phenomenal program that Columbia's Teacher's College offers called "Education and Philosophy". It aims to study (or rather question) the basic building blocks of Education and determine what true learning, teaching and education really is. It sounds fascinating.....

What to do? What to do....

I still have a lot more research to do about programs, degrees and institutions before I make any final decisions. I need to make some decisions about where I see myself professionally in the next five to ten years. There are a great many factors I must take into consideration before following my dreams and academic pursuits (like the question of whether or not I will ever return to the United States to teach) Still....it's a "good" problem to have. 

I love wasting my time day dreaming about graduate course work and sitting in lecture halls and pouring over journal articles and textbooks. I was never so happy in my life than I was during my four undergraduate years in college. They were truly the most liberating years of my life. As an undergraduate you have little responsibility and little accountability to the world at large, yet you dream of being in it and making a difference. For many, college represents a a short window of time in one's life to be wholly selfish and pursue personal intellectual and creative interests. I realize that that sort of freedom is a gift and is an opportunity that only the few and the fortunate are able to take advantage of. Unfortunately we live in a world where not every young girl with ambition or a dream can obtain the means or resources or time to go to university. Perhaps it is my understanding of that reality that allowed me to embrace that time of my life so fully. 

I've worked hard my entire life to achieve the level of success I am now experiencing. The harder I work, the more privileges I receive. Nothing in this life comes for free. Through education (my own and the education of others), I have been able to make my dreams come true in ways I never though imaginable. 

Railei Beach.....where I'll be travelling to after the conference in Bangkok

Socratic Seminars

One of my favorite classroom activities I employ frequently is the Socratic Seminar.
I first learned about Socratic Seminars when I started working here in Riyadh. It is a very popular teaching "style" at this school and the entire English department use Socratic Seminars to challenge students to think about literature more deeply and analytically.

In a nutshell, Socratic Seminars are structured student-lead discussions. Students are told to prepare for the seminar in advance by reading a particular chapter or passage from a literary text. When the students arrive to class, they come prepared with at least one discussion question or topic they would like to bring up in the seminar. After they arrange themselves in a circle, so that all students are included and visible, the discussion begins. One student takes initiative to get things started usually by proposing their own question or topic to be analyzed. After that first stone is cast, the students immediately jump in and start discussing and debating.

I hesitate to use the word debate. Debate implies a competition of sorts -- an activity that concludes with a clear winner and loser. Someone is proven wrong. Socratic seminars are not about what is "right" and what is "wrong". They are not about someone winning. They are designed to encourage and challenge students to think deeply about a topic or question and  use facts and evidence to support their beliefs. Occasionally,  debate does break out between students when discussing a particularly challenging or controversial issue, but due to the fact that the inherent nature of Socratic Seminars is equality, fairness and open-ness, the debates
seldom ever turn into arguments (which happens frequently in high school "debates").

As a teacher, SS are a wonderful teaching tool. I love hearing my students challenge each other and ask each other thought provoking questions without my asking them to. It is such a great feeling as a teacher to be able to be a "fly on the wall" and just listen to my students guide themselves to their own understanding of a topic or concept. It is the antithesis of traditional "lecture"-style teaching. It is student-centered and student-driven. 

SS work best with older students, however I have successfully used them in my 9th grade English classes. I usually have to start the seminar off for them with a guiding question or prompt and occasionally need to jump in and moderate the discussion, but overall I have been very pleased with the level of depth and insight my younger students have been able to get into during SS classes. 

Below is another teaching strategy I have employed to make my SS work even more effectively in the classroom. I call this "seminar mapping". Since my students are the one's running the class on SS days, as the teacher I am just an observer. So what I have started to do as a means to show my students what their discussion "looks like", is map out their discussion to illuminate patterns and trends that emerge in their discussions:

I first write down the names of the all the SS participants in a circle, in order.

Then, once the first student starts speaking, I put my pen to the board and draw a line indicating where the speaker role moves to. Essentially drawing lines showing where the "lines of dialogue" shift to.

In addition, I am also jotting down key points, arguments, observations, details and questions brought up by various students in the discussion (to be further analyzed and commended later).

This is all happening in real time, meaning the students are watching me watch them. This works especially well at targeting those students who do not speak up very often. They see their name on the board without any lines connecting to them and they feel compelled to speak up. Their passivity is staring them in the face and their lack of participation becomes all the more obvious. 

The Socratic Seminar is without a doubt the best teaching tool I have acquired since coming to teach here in Riyadh. It has completely redefined how I teach my students and it has allowed me to see greater indicators of growth in their understanding and learning over time. 

The students really enjoy the seminars as well. Mostly for the simple reason that they don't have to write anything down, but also because it gives them a sense of pride and ownership over what they're reading in class. Every child wants to feel as though his or her own thoughts are valued and heard and these seminars are designed with the idea that student thoughts, opinions and questions are worth listening to! I also find the seminars helpful for weaker students who struggle to grasp certain concepts in class when I'm teaching but are able to clarify their understanding when it is explained to them in simpler terms by a peer. Socratic seminars encourage the quiet students to speak up to defend their arguments and challenge the loud and confident students to take on the responsibility of leadership roles. 

Laziness

As a teacher, I believe the most frustrating behavior a student can display is laziness.

Laziness:

Disinclined to activity or exertion:
not energetic or vigorous
Moving slowly
Droopy, lax
Encouraging inactivity or indolence

I recognize that laziness exists in all professions and children as well as adults can suffer from it.  In my experience, laziness comes in numerous forms and affects very different kinds of students. I used to believe that laziness was only something that unintelligent and unmotivated students did, but now that I have worked in two starkly contrasting school systems, I see now that laziness does not discriminate between the very rich and the very poor, the very intelligent and the very "less intelligent". 

Lets look at the different kind of "lazy kids" out there:

There are the smart kids....they are lazy because they have already figured everything out and don't feel the need to waste their time completing menial classroom tasks that won't improve their depth of knowledge in any way. They understand material quickly and are very skilled at analysis and interpretation. Their laziness stems from a desire for efficiency and selfishness. They don't want to waste their time doing a task that is not going to directly benefit them in any way. 

Then there are the intellectually lacking kids...they are lazy because they don't understand the material and rather than get frustrated or take the time and effort to learn, they have simply given up on themselves and their abilities to ever rise above (why bother?)

There are the average kids...they are lazy because they aren't the smartest, nor are they the dumbest. They just want to do the bare minimum required of them and then move on. They don't have any intrinsic motivation to succeed (no dreams or goals to drive them to keep them going). 

There are the cool kids....they are lazy because they don't want to seem like they care or be perceived as a nerd. They expend too much energy trying to shape and define their social life that they don't have enough energy leftover to do homework, pay attention in class or work hard at school. 

There are the hurt kids....they are lazy because they have likely been bullied or abused and they don't want to put forth any effort or enthusiasm into anything because they fear it will get taken away or used against them and they don't want to have to suffer any more hurt. 

The list goes on and on. Laziness is a pervasive disease. An epidemic all around the world, but mainly infecting teenagers between the ages of 14-18. 

So why does laziness frustrate me so much?

I was raised with the mentality that you have to work hard to achieve success. I never took anything for granted and I never had the desire or impulse to cheat the system. I worked hard because I wanted to be the best. I wanted to impress my family, friends and teachers and myself above all else. 

It is quite a challenge for me as a teacher to remain objective and not inflict my judgment upon my students. Every single person is entitled to their own unique educational experience. My way is not always the right way. What works for me will not work for everyone. It is the obligation of teachers to employ numerous strategies and tactics to reach out to students, assist in their learning and educate them. 

But what if you are already doing that and students still aren't responding? In the United States, the teacher is blamed. The teacher is always blamed. Though I don't consider myself a perfect teacher by any means, I most certainly do not have perfect students. 

Most days I feel as though I am bringing 110% of effort to the plate and my students are only giving me 20%. I teach, I explain, I assess, I analyze, I encourage, I question, I enliven discussion. While this is not true of all my students, the majority of them just sit there. They refuse to take ownership over their education and push themselves to succeed. At this prestigious international school I think a lot of that lack of motivation stems from the fact that these students have no incentive to succeed. They know that they are going to get into a college, they know that their parents will be able to pay for it and they know that they'll be more or less "set" in the real world thanks to the success of their family. 

I think about my students in Boston. Many of my students were lazy and sought ways to cheat the system, but at least those students had some mildly valid excuses for their academic laziness. The students I currently teach have NO REASON to be lazy! Its not as if they have jobs! Almost all my students in Chelsea had part-time, if not full-time jobs, throughout the year. Though I also don't consider having a job a Dunkin Donuts to be a worthy enough excuse to slack off in school, at least that demonstrates a commitment to some goal or objective. I often used to fantasize that if my Chelsea students had been born into a wealthy, happy and supportive family they would have been able to achieve success....yet the experiences of my current students seem to suggest otherwise. 

What can I do as a teacher to combat laziness?

* Create more meaningful assignments that students will want to complete

* Create more difficult assignments that students can't cheat or plagiarize

* Be more vigilant with attacking plagiarism

* Criticize bad or lazy work (embarrass them into working harder?)

Unfortunately, I don't think boosting my own determination or focused efforts will be able to over-compensate for my students' lack of trying. Their motivation must come from within themselves.  

Forging New Connections

A few days ago I was contacted by an IB Alumni Organization representative (my sister's boss at the Fulbright Institute in Brussels, Belgium)  who was eager to hear about my current teaching experiences as a former IB student. As the popularity of IBO programs continues to spread across the globe, more and more of the "new generation" of educators these days are former IB students. When I was a high school student, I had thought that the IB was just an "international schools' thing". Having grown up overseas my entire life, I was certain that this rigorous program was only available to those of us fortunate enough to attend international schools. Until I went to college, I had no idea that the IB had been rapidly gaining popularity in American schools. 

This past summer, after I signed my contract to come and teach at the American International School in Riyadh, I was given the incredible privilege of  attending a IBO teaching workshop at the United Nations International School in New York. 

As a former IB English student, I was tickled at the opportunity to "jump the fence" and approach this favorite school subject of mine from a teacher's perspective. I childishly felt as though I was about to be initiated into some secret club. 

It is quite an incredible experience teaching a course that you have gone through yourself as a student. The first thing I did when I realized that I would be teaching IB English at my new school was call my Mom and ask her to bring me my enormous IB HL English binder from home.  I have never thrown away a single textbook, binder or notebook. As I perused the hundreds of pages of notes, worksheets, extracts, essay drafts and final papers that I meticulously had organized and preserved, I was immediately brought back to my days as a student. Though I was very nervous about becoming an "IB" teacher, I made a promise to myself that I would teach my students from their perspective. What I mean by this is that I decided I would put myself in their shoes; I would remember my not-too-long-ago-days as an IB student, and teach them the material from a student-centered angle as opposed to a teacher-centered one.

It is very easy for teachers to get caught up in teaching a course to their own preferences and liking.We teachers have our favorite topics and lessons and as a result of this intrinsic bias we may not always put our students needs ahead of our own.  Especially when it is a challenging course that we may be still struggling to gain confidence in. Its only natural. Most English teachers teach several different courses at once and after a while it just becomes easier to just teach according to one's own needs and desires, as opposed to the needs and desires of our students. Is that fair? No, of course not. But it is a reality of the job that many teachers, like myself, acknowledge and strive to remedy. 

Before I begin talking about the ways in which my IB education has influenced my life and career, I'd like to provide a short introduction about how I got to become an IB teacher:

** (I wrote this essay two days ago after I was first contacted by Ali, the IBO Alum Connections representative for the Middle East) 

Teaching IB English in the Middle East

(A Former IB Students’ Perspective)

It was barely a month before my college graduation that I received my first teaching job offer. Fresh out of college with my teaching license and bachelor of art’s diploma hot off the press, I began my life as an educator in a Title I public school in Boston, Massachusetts.

For two years I taught the toughest and most challenging students in the states. Students that had been in and out of juvie, foster homes, prison and homeless shelters. Students that everyone had given up on. Students that had given up on themselves. Every day I drove to work with a bright and shiny smile on my face and every day I drove home with my hair bunched up in knots and shoulders slumped down low from exhaustion. I loved my job. It was, without a doubt, the hardest job in the world. How does one prove the relevance of studying Shakespeare in the 21^st century when your students live in constant fear of getting arrested or jumped after school? How does one describe the message of the beauty of simple living in Thoreau’s essay “Walden” to a population of students on welfare?  I struggled, I fought, I cried, I doubted myself, but those two years of teaching in a failing public school district taught me more about teaching than I had learned in four years of college and thirteen years of secondary school.

However, as much as I loved my job and the ways it challenged me to be the best, the universe had different plans for me.

One day in February, a little over halfway into my second year of teaching, my fate was changed forever. The superintendent of the American International School in Riyadh came to Boston and wanted to meet with me. I had attended AIS-R from grades 3-7. My parents, being dedicated international educators, raised my sister and I in international schools for our entire lives. I had nothing but the fondest of memories of my childhood years spent in Saudi Arabia. Images of sand dunes, camping trips, sports events, sleepovers, security checks, carpet markets and camels flashed before my eyes as I sat down with my parents’ former-colleague, the current “head” of my most favorite international school. As we reminisced about our shared memories and updated one another on our lives in the past eleven years since my family moved away from Saudi, I completely forgot about the fact that February is “recruiting season” for international schools. As I sat there rambling on and on about my love for education and the work I do with my students, I could see Brian smiling. I always get carried away when talking about education; it is my love and passion and purpose in life.

“Well, I have a high school English teaching position available. If you want it its yours.”

I stopped breathing.

What? Was I just offered a job at one of the best international schools in the Middle East? Did he just tell me “its mine” like one would say “take the last bite of dessert”?

I looked down in front of me. The dessert plates had been cleared. The table was empty. He obviously wasn’t telling me to go ahead and have one more bite of chocolate molten lava cake (which was delicious, by the way).

No. This wasn’t a joke, this wasn’t a nicety, this was real. He was asking me if I wanted to come and work in Riyadh.

As I reflect upon that evening now, certain moments are blurred. I honestly don’t remember what the first words were that came out of my mouth. I think I could hardly believe my ears. Regardless of what my specific verbal response was, my desire was clear as day:

“YES!”

“More than anything!”

Saudi Arabia was my dream place. I had always fantasized about returning to the Kingdom but due to their ban on tourism, I never thought I’d be able to. My dreams about returning to Saudi Arabia were just that – dreams. Its difficult to describe or communicate with others the power that country has over me. I’ve never been happier in any other place on earth than I was in Saudi Arabia. True, it was an innocent and simple time in my life. I was a child, I had no obligations or responsibilities. I had loving and supportive parents and not a care in the world. But it wasn’t the innocence of life I so cherished in Saudi Arabia, it was the place itself. It was the constant sunshine, the warm breezes, the vast expanses of sand dunes just beyond the city borders that make you think the world could go on forever. It was the melodic call to prayer five times a day – that incomprehensible guttural chant that comforted my irreligious soul.

Without a doubt in my mind, or even a heartbeat’s hesitation I accepted my friend’s offer: I was moving to Saudi Arabia.

********** 

I have now been living in Riyadh for seven months and while I am working harder than I ever thought possible, I am also happier than I could have ever thought possible.

Unlike working in the challenging environment of my former public school, at AIS-R I am challenged professionally as opposed to personally. The students who attend this school are hard-working, driven, motivated and well-educated. True, there are a handful of students I must push to be more successful, but overall, my students are shining examples of what a good education and supportive family can do to a child.  

I am constantly amazed by my students: by their insights, thoughts, reflections, opinions, creativity and passion. As a result, I feel as though I must constantly strive to provide them with a classroom environment that will challenge them and push them to new levels of greatness and success. My students are by no means perfect. Unfortunately, since my previous teaching experiences were characterized by some of the lowest achieving students in the world, I find it very difficult to view my students here objectively.  For the first week of school I didn’t assign any homework because in my previous school not a single student would do it. I’ll never forget the sheer excitement and surprise I felt after distributing my first assignment and having every single student turn it in the next day.

I have learned so much in just seven months. I feel as though I could fill volumes if I were to attempt to describe every experience and lesson I have gleaned from just a little over half a year of working here. The support, encouragement and praise I have received from my administrative team and colleagues have been tantamount to my success. I was never told how good a teacher I was in my former school: I was only told what I could do better. I honestly believe that one of this school’s greatest qualities is the positive and supportive professional community they have worked hard to foster. No teacher is perfect; no matter how many years of experience one may have under their belt, we must all continue to try new things and learn from our mistakes and adapt to new techniques. But it is almost impossible to get better and grow as a teacher if you are never told that you are doing well. As a young teacher I feel like this is rather obvious logic but I’ve met many administrators and educational leaders who have forgotten (or have stopped caring) about this simple act of kindness.

It’s simple: if you praise a teacher, they will gain confidence, and if they have confidence then they will be more willing to take risks, try new things and learn from their failures. If you do not praise teachers they will become riddled with self-doubt, will lose the motivation to improve, will not take risks and they will not learn from their failures.  

Freedom

I've been reading a lot of blogs recently.

Blogs about fitness, nutrition, health, wellness and inspiration. When I need to take a break or unwind from my day I log onto my computer and immediately start hopping from blog to blog or website to website absorbing pages and pages of information.Some of the information that I read is incredibly inspiring and illuminating. Other things I read are mundane or simplistic or useless. 

I read to educate myself. Living here in Saudi Arabia has allowed for me to spend a great deal of time thinking about myself and my life and the ways in which I would like to shape my purpose in life. I have become much more self-aware since living here and I think a great deal of that has to do with the fact that since I am here on my own, I am able to get in deeper touch with myself because I do not have the influence of friends and family contributing to my self perception image. Do not think I am ungrateful for my friends and family. On the contrary, I am the strong and independent woman I am because of their incredible support and influence in my life. If it were not for the incredible encouragement and praise received from my friends and family, I doubt I would have accomplished anything of significance in my life. It is thanks to them that I have been able to put myself out in the world and take risks, conquer obstacles and challenge myself to be extraordinary. 

Yet, I also know that I am a "people-pleaser" by nature and will often do things or behave a certain way if I believe it is what someone wants to see of me. I hold my self to unbelievably high expectations and therefore I assume others expect just as much of me. I want to please every single person I meet. I want everyone to like me and I want to make everyone happy. I realize that this is unrealistic, but I can't help it -- its the truth. I tell myself over and over again not to care about what others think and to live to make myself happy above all else, but unfortunately that people-pleasing aspect of my nature is something I don't believe I will ever be able to "get over". I see it in my sister and parents as well. We all aim to please, we all live to serve and we all are more than willing to put others' happiness ahead of our own. Its a very fulfilling way to live one's life - serving others - but it can become oppressively exhausting at times if you aren't able to step away for some alone time every once in a while. 

I realize that I have turned this post into more of a confessional journal entry as opposed to an informative or reflective post about my experiences living here in Riyadh. The purpose of this blog has always been to communicate my thoughts and feelings (as they are occurring) about my experiences as a young, single teacher in Saudi Arabia. Yet, this self-discovery journey I'm on is a big part of my "Saudi experience". As previously mentioned, living here has allowed for me to spend a great deal of time selfishly consumed with my own thoughts and development. I have no one else to worry about here but myself. As a result, I feel as though I am maturing as a woman because I am beginning to better understand my personal strengths and weaknesses. I am discovering what I want out of life and what is most important to me. Its an incredibly liberating feeling. 

Who'd of thought a single white girl would finally find her freedom in such a socially repressive country like Saudi Arabia? 

Leaping Into

I have come to realization that my greatest character weakness is my inability to say no. Another way to put it is that I am a compulsive people-pleaser. I care too much about people approving of me and liking me than I do about maintaining my own sanity. 

This behavior is evident in both my social as well as my professional life. I physically cannot say no to someone who needs my help. My heart reaches out to them and I want to contribute to the betterment of their lives more than I care about maintaining the peace in mine. This applies to friends as well as colleagues. 

As a result, I feel an odd combination of perpetual exhaustion and fulfillment. Though I sometimes resent myself for spreading myself so thin, I am also grateful to have such a full and rich life. I don't consider myself much of a complainer but when I complain it is usually due to people wanting or needing me too much. It is the result of having too much responsibility on my shoulders. It is complaining about people expecting too much of me. 

On the flip side -- I enjoy challenges and am honored that numerous people see me as a natural leader and friend. Though I enjoy being of service, unfortunately the limited number of hours in a day prevent me from truly enjoying and savoring the experience. I constantly feel pressed for time and overwhelmed by the amount of work I pile onto my plate before I've even begun to dig in. 

That being said, if all I have to complain about is the fact that too many people want and need me in their lives, then I am living a pretty sweet life. 



Speaking of which....here are some updates: 


Work is going well. I've got into this nice rhythm and flow with my students and am feeling confident and happy teaching them and exploring concepts of literature with them every single day. The only thing I have to complain about with regards to work is the grading. I try to give my students numerous meaningful and interesting homework and class assignments to enhance their learning....however, that then means I have "numerous meaningful and interesting homework and class assignments" to comment upon and grade. I find is so difficult to make assignments just pass/fail or "for credit". So many of my students put so much effort into their work that I consider it only fair to give them just as much effort in return. 

The fact that I am doing Romeo and Juliet and Merchant of Venice with my ninth and tenth graders (respectively) makes my life so much happier. Teaching Shakespeare is so enjoyable and effortless for me. I honestly wish I could teach nothing but Shakespeare for the rest of my career. You can access so many various avenues of interest in Shakespeare's works: history, psychology, religion, philosophy, drama, literature, poetry, language, art, war, economics, societal rules, culture....it is all there carefully woven between the lines ready for open-minded individuals to dissect and analyze and ponder over. Shakespeare is a " boundless sea" (his words) of insight into the human condition and experience. 

I had a very proud teaching moment today when one of my students came up to me after she took her test to show me her annotated Merchant of Venice text. She was so proud of herself and all the work she put into annotating that I just had to take a photo. It warms my heart to see students take pride in their work and to pour their heart and soul into achieving success. 

Moments that make me proud to be a teacher: 

**********************

As many of you know, I am quite the health and fitness junkie. I love cooking and experimenting with healthy recipes in the kitchen. I love learning about nutrition and different methods of maintaining a physically and spiritually healthy life. 

Recently I've started experimenting with "Paleo" cooking (the basics of which entail eating only those simple non-processed foods that would have been available to our pre-agriculture cultivating ancestors).

I found a recipe for this "Raw No-Bake Apple Pie" that was just heaven....absolute heaven!! This has quickly become one of my new favorite deserts. 

The Base:
Pureed dates and almonds (splash of water and sea salt)

The Filling:
Pureed orange, dates, cinnamon, water

Cover the sliced apples with the filling mixture, let it sit to absorb the liquid and then layer into the "dough" in layers.

Refrigerate.

Devour.

With only 5 simple incredients this is a genuine healthy and wholesome food: 

****************

Last weekend, on Valentine's Day (a most dreaded, contrived and materialistic holiday), I woke up early to put in a nice workout and then ventured out into the desert with some friends. 

I responded so powerfully to the pure red fine grains of perfect sand spreading out across the horizon for miles and miles. I felt so alive and at peace being out in the sand dunes. There is something so hypnotizing and inspiring about being out in the desert. It's difficult to articulate, but it is a powerful physical-spiritual-emotional connection to the barren and clean simplicity of the environment that resonates deeply within my soul.  I felt happy and alive and warm and safe. 

Left with a renewed sense of positive energy (and a bit of a sunburn).

While I may dig myself into holes of self-induced stress and exhaustion by not saying no, I suppose I will always be a say-yes-to-life girl. Leaping into the future feet first without a moment's pause. Here I go.

Relief, Reflections and Great Expectations

Alhamdull'allah, life has finally gotten back to "normal". 

I am back to being just a teacher again (which, despite its own consuming challenges, is far preferable to being a social events planner). I learned a great deal this past week. I made quite a few mistakes and struggled emotionally more than I'd care to admit, but in the end I pulled off a successful event that made my students happy. The silver lining of this entire endeavor is that it has given me a better sense of what challenges to expect with regards to planning the prom. Though I am already dreading that 3-months-away event, at least I know what I'm getting myself into this time. There is still a world of work to be done in the meantime, but at least now I know where to go for help and support. 

Here are some photos from the Winter Formal:
(Though it may look beautiful and "put together" in these photos, I have to confess....all of it happened at the very last minute possible.....)

I had a meeting with my prom committee students yesterday and I sternly told them that if the prom committee is to organize any future fundraising events, it must be done entirely by students. I will serve in a supportive and encouraging capacity only. Bluntly put, they need to get their shit together. 

I'm about to run off to parent teacher conferences but I just needed a moment to write and process my thoughts before heading into the day....

I'm honestly feeling good. I feel healthy, happy, mentally calm and looking forward to a fun weekend in Bahrain with my friends Cody and Alex. Finally, a chance to escape. A real escape! At last! I deserve this. We're splurging on a nice hotel room and have made reservations at a very fancy sushi restaurant  where formal attire is recommended. I couldn't be more excited! I love any opportunity to dress up, show off and let loose. I don't do it often, so I appreciate it all the more when those rare moments come along where I can completely shut off my controlling/high-expectations/planning brain and just live my life in the present moment. 

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High expectations of life, people and myself define and shape my world view. I've reflected deeply on this personality characteristic and have come to the conclusion that this kind of thinking, rather than setting me up for success, limits me and sets me up for disappointment. Though educational theorists often discuss the vital necessity of having "high expectations" of students in order to motivate them to achieve success, my experiences in cultivating high expectations in my personal life has frequently led to disappointment. I have had a great deal of success in my life, but if I allow my imagination to run wild and expect too much of the world, I find myself let down. I need to learn to balance my high expectations with an understanding and acceptance of reality. I must also learn not to put too much stock in my hopes and expectations. When I begin to fantasize about a particular idea or person, I connect to that fantasy and form an attachment to it. When my imagined reality does not come true, the disappointment that follows affects me personally. And why should it? Though it may not be my fault if person or event fails to meet my expectations, it is my fault for setting those expectation so high in the first place. The world is a surprising and unpredictable place. Controlling certain aspects of my life (like my nutrition, appearance and  social engagements) is a defense mechanism that emotionally comforts me and makes me feel less helpless and powerless. Though too much self-control can be damaging and lead to negative habits, I greatly enjoy planning, preparing and organizing. It becomes a fun little game for me. In the end, all that matters is whether or not I am enjoying my life and living it to its fullest. As much as I like to try and maintain control, I must admit, my most favorite life experiences have always been the ones where I allowed myself to just let it all go.