Finding That Last Ounce of Strength

As I open my arms to welcome the month of December -- the month of Christmas trees, Peppermint Mocha's, cooking, snow, sweaters, scarves, cards, gifts, spending time with my family, a break from work, travel, parties, sleepovers and celebrating -- I quickly reality check myself by remembering how much I have to "get through" before I can enjoy all of those things.

This time of year always feels so difficult.The weather is colder, making our bodies tighten up and feel stiff and tense as a result of trying to keep warm. The work just keeps piling on with endless assessments, essays, projects and work needed to be done (or in my case, graded) before the term closes. In addition, the reduction of daily sunlight makes it difficult to get motivated to do anything other than curl up on the couch with a handful of chocolates at 5 pm.

So how do we find that last ounce of strength necessary to get us through to the holidays?
How do we continue to push ourselves to work hard and keep going when our bodies are telling us they are ready to shut down and go into hibernation mode?

As a teacher, I am not only responsible for keeping my own spirits lifted, but I must also strive to inspire my students to stay focused, determined and motivated to push through these last few weeks of school before vacation. They can't start slacking now, and neither can I....

I find the way I manage stress best is to lay it all out there and create a list of what I need to get done.

1. Grade the 9th Grade Commentaries
2. Grade the 10th Grade Poetry Projects
3. Grade the 11th Grade SCASI Charts
4. Post the 11th Grade SCASI Charts on Moodle
5. Create the English 9 Exam
6. Create the English 10 Exam
7. Create Study Guides (for all Grades)

Ok. That's a lot of grading and creating I have to do...

Looking at that list above is quite overwhelming. But here's the thing....failure is NOT an option. As much as I don't want to do all of those things, I am going to do them because I have to.

It just must get done. Simple as that. I feel I adopted this no nonsense attitude while as a student at Wellesley.

"Wellesley Women Get Shit Done"
(Our unofficial motto).

Saying that over and over to myself never ceases to inspire me and drive me to be successful.
Yes, it may not be fun, but I've got to get it done.
It's as simple as that.

Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I would rather be doing nothing, but those aren't good excuses. I WILL find the time because I have to find the time. I will make time to workout, to eat, to sleep and to complete my work. Those are the top priorities in my life right now. They are what I need to do to survive and feel successful and happy.

It is going to take careful planning and prioritizing but I'm going to get it done.

Keep perspective.
Keep the end in sight.
Take it one day at a time.
Breathe.
Take breaks.
Find the joy in everything (especially the tough or non-fun things)

Photos of Me from the Car Show Fundraiser I (single-handedly) Organized and Successfully Executed

A Little Poetry

I still cannot believe that the sun continues to shine.

That the sky still stands resiliently blue.

Despite the change in seasons,

The change in thoughts,

And views.

(Poetry is clearly on my mind.)

What inspires me?

My students are a constant source of inspiration.

To continue learning,

To continue the fight,

To write,

To read,

To question my assumptions.

They inspire me to find the truth

(in everything).

Recently my mind has been consumed with thoughts. Thoughts of returning home to Boston after months of separation. Will my friends have forgotten me or learned to live without me? Will I still make an impact? Will I still remember where I’m going? Will I still be funny? Will I still be relevant?

I am a different person today than I was four months ago.

I’m not sure exactly how, but I feel it in my bones.

I’m

Stronger.

Healthier.

More confident.

More independent.

Our lives are defined by the choices we make. Not just the big decisions (like my decision to say yes to life and accept a spontaneous job offer to come work as a single female in Saudi Arabia), but the decisions we make every minute of every day.

Every day I make the conscious choice to go to the gym, to work out and to eat well. Occasionally, I’ll make a bad choice or a bad decision (like eating an entire jar of Nutella), but it’s still my decision – I alone am accountable for my actions.

Over these past few weeks I’ve been learning more and more about the “fitness obsessed” community out there in the world and it has become a new source of inspiration for me. Blogs and websites and books about living healthily are drawing my interest and I cannot stop consuming information. I’m not striving to lose weight or do a hundred push-ups, no, not at all. What I’m striving for is pure and uncontaminated well-being. Not just physical, but spiritual, emotional and intellectual wellness.

Recently I've noticed that I've been watching less television and logging in more hours at the gym. I've been enjoying eating as opposed to just eating because I’m supposed to or because I feel like it. I've been finding meaning in my workouts as opposed to just doing them because "I have to". 

I don’t have all the answers, and I am still very much figuring out “who I am”, but because I am now truly on my own, I feel much more conscious and aware of my life and decisions I make.  I am so grateful to have this time in my life to have these thoughts, explore new things and create new experiences. So few people, women especially, have the privilege to just LIVE their lives selfishly and by their own rules. 

Though I may be living in one of the most repressive and restrictive countries in the world, my mind has never felt more liberated. 

Elementary students dressed up for UN Day 

The sun shines on freedom

The Ultimate Desert Dream

I just read the most amazing article about what has now become my new dream vacation ....


CNN's Inside the Middle East 
"Following in Lawrence of Arabia's Footsteps in Jordanian Desert"

**Link to the article here: 

http://edition.cnn.com/2012/11/23/world/meast/lawrence-of-arabia-jordan-anniversary/index.html

My heart was fluttering during the entire reading of this article. Even now I can hardly think about anything else. I absolutely MUST do this! Can you imagine...camel trekking through the desert that Lawrence of Arabia himself once traversed? Seeing and smelling the same land and mountains that inspired him to write his epic and moving autobiographical "Seven Pillars of Wisdom"? The thought is almost too much for me to bear. Just look at the image above! To do that -- to trek through the desert with nothing but myself and a camel and bare living necessities is my idea of a dream vacation. No five star resorts for me, just pure immersion in nature. 

I have to look into the details of planning this trip. I wonder how much it costs (for a guide, camel, supplies, plane ticket). I wonder how it gets organized and by whom. How long would the journey be? Who would I go with? I've never gone on a vacation by myself. As intense as this one looks I feel like this would be the perfect trip to do alone. Lawrence wrote of the beauty, inspiration and awesome power of the desert in a way that was so personal and intimate. I don't know if this is an experience I could share with just about anyone. I see this journey as more spiritual than adventurous. I definitely need to do this by myself. I have a feeling it would be truly life changing and a real challenge for me both physically and spiritually. 

I've really got to do more research....

As a teacher, your life really does become defined by your vacations. Though I love my job, fantasizing about vacations down the road is the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes. Weekends too. I've found in my past three years as an educator that it is so important to live your life as a series of small goals and finish lines. It makes the small stresses of life more bearable and small rewards (such as spending leisurely time at the pool on a Friday afternoon, or taking the time to make a nice big meal on Wednesday night) keep you motivated and driven to succeed.

These next few weeks are full of trials and tribulations and deadlines and stresses. Thinking about them too much actually puts me in a mild state of panic, but I do not allow that mindset to consume me. Rather, I think about the fact that tonight I'm making curry and tomorrow morning I get to start my day with a nice yoga session. Two seemingly simple and uneventful treats for myself, but reminders nonetheless that no matter how crazy life gets, there are always small joys to be had. 

T. E. Lawrence with his camel "Jedha" ("a splendid beast")

Thanksgiving Nostalgia

Like so many millions of Americans today, I am thinking about the things in my life I am thankful for. 

Though I feel so grateful for my life every single day, I must admit that I do take for granted many things: my good health, wellness, friends, family, state of mind, material comforts, the internet, my capacity to love, my citizenship, my education....

I get so bogged down in the stress of life sometimes. Though I practice yoga and present-mindedness, I quickly forget about those things when deadlines are looming, papers need to be graded, social engagements need attending and lessons need to be planned. I worry, I stress, I anticipate failure or disappointment and I raise my expectations too high. 

Now is the time to be calm. Now is the time to just breathe and think and smile for all the greatness in my life. Not just now, but every day...

Here are some of my favorite moments from this past year. Days that filled me up with joy and people that never cease to inspire and love me. I am forever thankful. 

Baking Christmas Cookies with Mama

My Family!!!  (A Rare Moment We Are All Together....)

Daddy (Who Doesn't Like Photos)

My Amazing Aunt Steph

My Best Friends

My Super Best Friend

My Sun Child

My Beautiful Mother

My Beautiful Baby Sister

Intelligent Women Who Light My Soul and Mind on Fire

Wild and Crazy Fun Times (and Sequins)

My Little Sister Who I Love More Than Anything

My Superstar Bestie Who's Transformation Has Transformed Me Too

Perspective

This will be a rather informal post since I am absolutely exhausted and yet have very little else I can do at the moment other than write...I am currently "serving" detention supervision. There is something so ironic about this. When I was teaching in my previous school, a school full of disrespectful and defiant students, I never had to serve detention duty. Now, while I am teaching at a school full of kind, thoughtful and very respectful students, I have detention duty. How am I supposed to take this seriously?

The majority of these students are here because they were late to school. Ok, I get it: we are teaching them adult world skills and tardiness is not tolerable in the adult world. They must learn to be responsible young adults and make school a priority. I agree and think that if we let students arrive to school without consequences they would be late every single day, so a consequence needs to be put in place. Yet these guys must write a two page reflection about how tardiness is disrespectful. They need to write a letter to their teacher and then one to their parent.

Once again, though I understand that tardiness should not be tolerated I cannot help but think the following...

Last year I had students tell me to "fuck off". I had students call me a "bitch". I had students refer to each other as "niggers". I had students threaten others, come to school drunk or high (or both). I had students punch walls, throw things, scream and assault police officers.

TARDINESS IS NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO THAT!!!!! 

Its all about perspective. This I know. But still. I think its going to take me a very long time to get used to this kind of school environment. Though this was the kind of institution in which I was raised, its amazing what just two years teaching in a "ghetto school" will do to you. I am forever changed as a teacher. The world will never quite look the same to me.

A part of me misses it. I miss the fact that every day felt like life or death. I miss their crazy stories and their jokes. I miss how much they adored me -- without meaning to sound too full of myself, I really was the only person in many of their lives who cared about them and showed them love and respect.

My students here are lovely and I am already beginning to forge such strong bonds with several of them, but its different. At the end of the day I know that if I can't be there for these children, someone else will be. A friend, parent or other teacher will step in and offer a helping hand. The students here love me too, but they don't need me the way my students needed me back in Boston.

Photo of me and some of my students last year on a field trip to Walden Pond

Chaos and Joy

Having no school on Saturday was such a blessing. I was in desperate need of some genuine "chill" time -- no social engagements, no work to do, no games to play -- just pure, boring and completely solitary free time. It does a body a good.

These past two days of school though, however, have been quite intense. I suspect that every day is going to be quite intense from now until Christmas break (or rather, "Winter Break" as I must remind myself to refer to the non-denominational vacation). There is so much teaching to be done, assignments to be created and lessons to be planned before I am allowed to pack my bags and sprint onto that airplane that will deliver me back to Boston and into the carefree land of love, family, snow, alcohol and freedom. There are so many things I am looking forward to -- driving, being with my family, going out to the bars, dancing, being silly and wild and ridiculous with my girls and doing absolutely whatever I feel like.

But I can't think about those things right now. They'll make me lose focus and I need to keep my mind sharp and committed to getting through these next four weeks. I can do it, I just need to stay determined and strong.

Here are some reasons why my life is so chaotic right now:

1. I have over 100 students that I am responsible for educating. Not only must I educate them but I must continuously challenge them and keep them inspired and motivated to succeed.

2. I have my first formal class observation this week. Our school has a rigorous evaluation process and this is a big observation. The principal stays in my class for the entire 90 minute block writing and observing every little tiny thing that I do or don't do.

3. I am in charge of the Prom Committee. I didn't want to be, I was "volun-told" (popular term in this school) that I was to be in charge of it. As much as I love the kids, I hate that I am responsible for planning this event. It is way too big and I feel like I'm over my head and what makes matters worse is...I genuinely don't care at all about prom. I wouldn't mind working so hard if it was for something I cared about, but I just really  really don't care about prom.

4. I have to organize our biggest Prom fundraiser in......get this.....just 10 days. I have to convince Saudi car dealerships to agree to pay several thousands of Riyals to showcase their cars at a Car Show at the school. Yes, you heard that correctly: I am a single woman who must convince Saudi car dealerships to let me use their cars to raise money for a Prom......I can't even begin to express how stressed I am about this. I honestly can barely write about it I am that anxious.

5. To be honest I think those four are enough for now.....

Here's some positive news though -- several weeks ago I conducted a professional development workshop at my school called "De-Mystifying Shakespeare". It was an hour long workshop I designed that was meant to instruct teachers on various strategies and techniques to get students engaged and interested in Shakespeare. I taught the basics of iambic pentameter, heightened verse, naturalistic prose and the ways in which to analyze soliloquies. It was such a wonderful workshop and though I would usually be extremely nervous teaching teachers much older and more experienced than myself (one of the women who attended my workshop was actually my sixth grade English teacher! talk about irony...) Shakespeare is what I know better than almost anything in the world. I felt calm, happy and extremely confident in myself.

Well, it turns out my joy was extremely evident to all those who attended my workshop and I ended up getting selected to present at this year's NESA Conference in Bangkok, Thailand! That's right, I am being sent to Thailand on my April vacation to present a workshop on Shakespeare. The school will take care of my flight and accommodations. I still can't believe this is real. I can't believe I got picked! This is a prestigious conference -- my parents presented workshops at it years ago, but they are experienced experts in their fields! My heart is just filled with glee and excitement over this incredible opportunity. I couldn't be happier.

It clearly is true then -- when your heart is truly and fully committed to something, anything is possible.

Pool at the Shangri-La Hotel in Bangkok (where I will be staying)

"Near East South Asia" Council of International Schools

A Return to Wonderland (Saudi Souk Shopping Part II)

One really needs to take several trips to the Saudi souks in order to truly begin to appreciate their beauty and wonder. This morning I went down to my favorite, the “Clocktower” Souk (or the souk by “Chop Chop Square” as Westerners so unceremoniously refer to the location in Riyadh where public executions are still performed). I knew a few of the vendors already and thus I prepared to shop discerningly and to really evaluate and observe the items I considered for purchasing (as opposed to just buying the first intriguing or sparkling item to catch my eye). I was not looking for secret back alley troves or limited edition antiques, but rather, I hope to find treasures of a certain authenticity and sentimentality. Many of the items sold in the souks are commercially made and tailored towards Western needs and ideals of “Arabia”. There are thousands of leather camels, decorations and instruments that look a hundred years old but are really quite contemporary and not at all “traditional” objects. 

I must admit, rather cautiously, that I am a bit of an “Orientalist” -- to borrow from the the originally racist term later modernized by Palestinian author Edward Said. I am enamored with the Middle East and Arab culture in particular. I am also drawn to Far East Asian items and other trinkets that look exotic and remind me of what ancient times may have been like along the old Silk Road. I know that I romanticize the “Orient”, but I do so with nothing but reverence and appreciation in my heart. I do not think of Saudis, Pakistanis, or Afghanis as “simple people” but rather I envy their connection to a historical past laden with beauty, mystery and adventure. 

After wandering around for several hours with my good friends (a lovely American couple flourishing in their first year “overseas”) I purchased two daggers, three bejeweled bangles, a small jewelry box, three pashmina shawls, a chess set and some Christmas ornaments. I’m quite proud of my purchases. Though I bartered for each of them I am sure I was still over-charged, but honestly what does it matter? These souk stalls are these mens’ livelihoods and I would honestly rather give them my hard earned money than spend it in shopping malls buying meaningless gifts. I feel good giving these men my business. They are down there working at their souk stalls for around ten to twelve hours a day encountering probably only a handful of customers. They buy their precious items from their impoverished home countries such as Pakistan and Afghanistan and bring them back here to Saudi Arabia to sell at a sizable profit to predominantly rich Americans and Brits. I ask every man I do business with where he is from and the three main nationalities are Pakistani, Afghani and Turkish. I believe, or rather, I hope that when these men return home to buy their shop items, they pay their compatriots well and provide support to their friends and family. 

I am exhausted, but happy. I feel so grateful for my life. I am living in a country that inspires me, doing a job that I am passionate about and I am surrounded by kind, loving and supportive friends and family. I am strong, confident and independent and unlike so many other women in this world, I do not need a man in my life. Of course I would love to find someone special some day but the fact of the matter is that I don’t need to! Though I may need a man to drive me around or buy me items in certain stores here, I don’t need a man to define who I am. 

Shopping Van Musings

While on the shopping van headed downtown to the Kuwaiti souks this morning the married women on the bus asked me what it is like being single in Riyadh. 

I smiled and began by telling them that at first it was quite flattering to be hit on all the time and regarded with affection and desire by so many men. I felt empowered and confident. I felt as though I had the upper hand. Yet, that initial flattery faded fast as I began to realize that men here are really only interested in finding one of two things: a hook-up or a wife. I genuinely have no interest in being either. Unfortunately, the world tends to see my position as a single woman in Saudi Arabia rather differently. Whenever I am with a man here, I feel as though everyone assumes that we are “together”.  The men I have befriended here look at me like I am “their’s”, like they have “dibs” on me. They flirt and flatter me and attempt to win my affections. If they can make me smile, they think they “have” me. If they can impress me, they think I belong to them. To me, these actions read as desperation. The majority of men (single men, that is) I meet here are desperate. Desperate for sex, attention, and affection. They ooze desperation out of their pores and I can smell them from miles away. It is, I believe, the most unattractive quality in a human: desperation. 

Men are not particularly difficult to read, especially desperate men. They cannot hide their affections and their true intentions can be seen all over their faces. Its extremely off-putting and frankly, annoying. Really, boys? You can’t have a normal conversation with a person of the opposite sex without undressing her with your eyes?  I can tell you’re doing it! Really boys, is it so difficult to just respect a woman for who she is as a person and be her friend without that being your strategy to try and date her?  Really boys, you think I can’t tell what you’re thinking? Really? 

Aside from when I am safely in the comforts of my villa I feel as though I am always being watched. Everywhere I go. There is no privacy to be had anywhere in this country. For the past two years in the United States I had a very normal dating life. It wasn’t particularly scandalous, but I had a vibrant social life and I had a dating life. Did anyone aside from my close personal friends know about it? Not at all. My colleagues and students seldom saw me outside of school, I arranged dinners and drinks and brunch dates at independent and different locations where I knew that my privacy would be respected. No one looks at you differently if you are out with a guy in the United States. People don’t even think twice. If I talk to a single man in the States, I am just talking to a single man. I’m not flirting and neither of us are necessarily trying to achieve something. Here, however, every single Y-chromosome I encounter is a cause for suspicion according to others. 

Now “who” exactly is it that is watching me? Honestly, it feels like everyone. My students see me talking to a single male and they start speculating and gossiping. My colleagues see me flirting with a man at a bar or getting hit on at an event, they too start making assumptions. I can’t go anywhere in the country alone, therefore I am always being watched by someone. 

Saudi Arabian Police Force Logo

I know I shouldn’t care. I know I should just “do what I want”, but I do care about what people think of me. I don’t want to be seen as a harlot, which is sadly the kind of reputation most young single women have around here. What makes matters worse (and I truly hate myself for this) is that I judge the single women here too! I see the lines of Philippino women, their faces painted thickly with make up and bodies wrapped in tight animal print tops, waiting to get into the military base and I instantly assume that they’re only there to hook up with and potentially marry a nice big white American boy. I see the drunk English nurses wearing those short skirts at parties and make the assumption that after a few more drinks they are putting out for some buff handsome man. They want to meet a man here. They like the fact that the single men here want sex and marriage. Those are their goals too. They enjoy the game, they want it too. 

It is wrong of me to judge them for that, I know. Its horrible, but I do it. I know that we live in a modern day and age and that women have needs just like men, but its so different in this country. Appearances are everything here. If you are all dressed up waiting to get into the military base, the guy coming to pick you up wants to sleep with you and everyone knows it. I never felt this way in the United States. Yes, I got hit on by creepy guys at bars and yes I felt objectified on occasion, but I suppose the difference is that here the stakes are higher. The men do have more power than the women here. The culture here is male-centered and promiscuity is regarded as a honor for men and a crime for women. Even though I'm a Western woman, I still feel that stigma hanging over me and my actions. Though I've been careful about the people I spend my time with and respectful of myself and my appearance, I still cannot help but think that all my actions are scrutinized. 

Fortunately, I have made a great group of friends here who I interact with socially on a consistent basis. They make me feel safe and comfortable and I can be my usual wild and outgoing self around them without feeling like I'm being judged. I still feel the need to watch what I say around single men and take care not to seem too friendly, but for the most part I believe I am beginning to be regarded by the expat singles community as a strong, intelligent and independent woman who does not put up with players and is here to build a successful life for myself. No one is going to get in my way. 

Parent Teacher Conferences

These past two days have been absolutely extraordinary. Usually when teachers speak of “Parent-Teacher Conferences” they express their opinions with a great deal of exasperation and exhaustion in their voices. In my (limited) experience, PTCs have always been a wonderful and pleasant experience. Lets face it, usually the parents that actually do show up are the ones whose children are doing extremely well in class. Occasionally one may get the parent who is determined to prove their child is so much more than just “average” if only “we” teachers would pay them a little bit more attention, but for the most part, the parents that choose to value the time and opportunity to meet their child’s teacher are parents that have raised good, hardworking and kind students. 

In my previous school, the parents that showed up to PTCs were the ones who were sober and could get off of work. They were the parents/guardians that actually cared somewhat for their child and proved so by attending this bi-annually non-obligatory school event. Since I was so grateful to see even just one of my students’ parents I would usually just praise the child and express my gratitude to the parent for showing up. I would assure the adult present (because it was not always necessary a parent: I had siblings, aunts, grandparents and even neighbors show up to show their support) that I understand how difficult it is to raise a teenager and that they were doing a great job. I wasn’t lying necessarily, I was just filling their heads with so much positivity in the hopes that it may actually sink in and they would start dedicating more time and energy to ensuring the well-being of their cared-for child. Did it work? I can’t say for sure, but I’d like to hope that my words had some impact on their lives even if only for a few minutes or so. “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”...a motto I fervently believe in, especially in impoverished school districts. 

At this school, Parent Teacher Conferences are reigned in by a student recognition assembly. Two members of student council ran a special assembly on the half-day of school prior to PTCs commencing. The hour-long event was filled with awards, presentations and announcements about various school events and student accomplishments. It was certainly a point of pride for many of the students and the energy of the auditorium was one of positivity and enthusiasm. At the end of the assembly, the Student Council had created some special teacher appreciation awards that they distributed to a handful of High School teachers. They were goofy “superlative” awards. They went to teachers who were well known for certain personality quirks or special skills (one of the physical education teachers who is extremely athletic won the award “Most Likely to Outrun the Zombie Apocalypse”). Both students and teachers found the awards to be funny and endearing. To my great surprise, I won one of the awards! I won “Most Likely to Be Cooler Than You”. I was the only new hire selected. I felt so honored and happy. I know it is just a silly joke award but it made me feel so incredibly appreciated and loved. Sadly, I didn’t get much overt “appreciation” at my previous school. Though my students often sung my accolades to me in class, I was rarely told by my colleagues and administrators that I was valued in the school.  

After winning the award, I felt like I was walking on sunshine. I went into PTCs feeling confident and happy. The first day was filled with parents. I did not have a single spare minute to catch my breath or even take a sip of water. It was parent after parent after parent and I felt like my head was just spiraling out of control. Though it was exhausting, all the parents I spoke with were extremely kind and appreciative of me. I received numerous compliments about my teaching and demeanor with students. 

“Why do the kids love you so much?”

“My son just loves your class.”

“My daughter talks about you all the time.”

“My child thinks very highly of you.”

“Thank you, thank you for doing such a wonderful job!”

The next day of conferences was more of the same. Rather than feel exhausted, however, I felt uplifted by the parents and their positive words. They listened to me and respected my opinion. They praised me and thanked me continuously for my work. I felt good. I felt confident. I felt happy. This was me in my element. I genuinely couldn’t believe how respected I was by these parents. I couldn’t believe how many times I heard the words “thank you”. In two days, I was told “thank you” more times than within two years of working in my previous school. 

Is it shallow that I need so much positive reinforcement to feel confident and energized? I know I shouldn’t rely on external factors or others’ opinions of me to define who I am or my success, but winning the approval of others does fill me with a great sense of accomplishment and joy. I know that mentality can easily backfire; for example, I am easily hurt whenever I encounter disapproval or criticism, but for now I shall continue to ride this wave of positivity and not allow any negative opinions or external factors rain on my parade. 

How often do we tell the people we see on a daily basis “thank you”? How often do we tell a co-worker, teacher, neighbor, friend, or parent that we appreciate them? We need to spread the love. Everyone needs to feel valued. Everyone needs to feel needed. 

Assortment of Thoughts/Reflections

I apologize that I cannot do more than write just fleeting comments  about my experiences. I honestly have so much to say and it frustrates me that I can't put all the richness of my life into words. I unfortunately just don't have the time right now to sit down and write beautiful prosaic accounts of my life and thoughts. I wish I could....I hope to be able to do so some day (maybe during the summer or perhaps one day in the future when I am much more experienced as a teacher and don't need hours to prep for lessons)


On Teaching and Living in Riyadh....just a few months in


* I met one of the Al-Saud prince's "protector". This is essentially a man who serves the young prince Faisal and has dedicated his life to protecting him. He drives him around, runs errands for him, and does whatever Faisal needs. What truly shocks or amazes me, however, is the fact that traditionally the role of the "protector" is to lay down his life for the prince. Can you imagine having someone who would be willing to die for you? Especially someone that isn't even a blood relative of yours? Though the Saudi royal family is no longer invading foreign lands or fighting battles in the desert it still amazes me that those kind of traditions still exist.

* The hardest workers in this country are people from Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, India, and the Philippines. They are the ones making this country as great as is it. There's a reputation here that Saudi's are lazy. I thought, how could this be so when this country's economy is thriving? Well....the Saudi's may be funding everything but they are not doing the work themselves. This country has been built on the backs of immigrant workers who are given very little respect or appreciation. You do not see Saudi's serving as waiters or drivers or construction workers. The Saudi's, though they desire innnovation and "newness", do not want to put in the grunt work themselves.

For some reason I find that wrong. If you want to make a different or change the world or re-define yourself (or your nation), you need to get down and get dirty and do it yourself.  You need to put in the hours, you need to make the sacrifices. The Saudi's hire people to make the sacrifices for them and then they take all the glory. Again...is this right? I greatly respect Saudi's and have found them to be incredibly generous and kind, yet I am disappointed by this universal sense of entitlement that can be seen all around the country.

* As much as I love my job and the work I'm doing here....I am working myself to the bone! I have over 100 students and I must challenge each and everyone of them. They are all, for the most part, quite obsessed with their grades and I find that I need to create lots of assignments for them not only to keep them engaged but to also satisfy their need for approval and feedback. It is exhausting and very high stakes. The work I was doing last year at the Alternative high school was much more of an emotional stress. I didn't care so much about teaching my students content, but rather I was trying to help my students find meaning in their lives and to open their eyes to the limitless possibilities of life with a sound education. I spent most of my time listening to their stories and concerns and trying to mentor them to make positive choices and keep life in perspective.

These students don't need that emotional nurturing. They get that from their parents and friends. They need me to prepare them academically to have a successful future. They need me to teach them how to become better writers and readers so that they can go on to the top universities in the United States, Canada and Europe. They want the best. These parents are paying big money for their students to go here and they demand nothing but excellence. That aspect of the job doesn't phase me...that's how I was raised and it is the kind of educational philosophy I believe in too. The main challenge for me is time. I need more time to plan stimulating and invigorating lessons, I need more time to grade assignments, I need more time to do background research on the material I'm teaching, I need more time to learn about the newest technology to make my students 21st century learners....and I need time to be mentally and physically healthy. I need time for me.

My Most Favorite Way to Spend My Time: Reading Under the Sun