The Power of A Smile

The Power of a Smile

This man, an 87-year-old Buddhist monk,  performed a blessing ceremony over our school group as we prepared to leave our local village home-stay. Looking upon him and seeing all the years of wisdom reflected in his eyes, I couldn't help but think about all that this man must have seen in his 87 years of life. He lived through the brutal Khymer Rouge regime - a regime that arrested, tortured and killed intellectuals and monks. Though we were unable to communicate with this man as a result of language barriers, I was moved by his radiant positivity, spirit and smile. Cambodians smile with their whole heart. The give everything they have to help others and while language, religion and customs may divide us, a simple smile has the power to unite. 


Moved Beyond Words

It has been a little over twenty four hours since I have left Cambodia and my mind and body are still reeling from the experience. 

I honestly have no words.

I am speechless.

What mere words exist in the English language that can effectively convey all the beauty, wonder, power and joy I felt over the past week? 

Perhaps a few pictures will do it.......

The above pictures were taken on our second day in Cambodia. We arrived in Siem Reap the previous afternoon and spent our first evening in the city eating dinner, walking around and getting accustomed to the new environment. We woke up at 5 am the next day to watch the sunrise over Angkor Wat. It was an absolutely stunning experience. The temples of Angkor Wat are so beautiful and awe-inspiring. Though the grounds were crowded with tourists, it did not take away from the experience. I snapped as many pictures as I could in an attempt to capture the monument's beauty, but of course technology is limited in its ability to capture magnitude and inspiration. I received a blessing from a Buddhist in the temple and felt incredibly serene and peaceful for the remainder of my day and trip. Though I had to be a vigilant and responsible teacher looking out for my students, I managed to slip away for a few quiet moments of contemplation during our walk around the temples to reflect upon all that I am grateful for in this world.

These photographs were taken during the three days we spent in a local village on the outskirts of Siem Reap. We were tasked with filling the foundation of a library being built next to the village's secondary school. For two days we dug, carried and piled sand into the foundation of the structure that is to become their school library. For many of our students it was their first time doing any kind of physical labor. Though we were all baking and sweating and working under the steaming sun for hours, the toils of our labor felt minimal considering all the work that is left to be done to help this community thrive and grow.

There is always more work that can be done. There is always something that can be improved upon or made better. Though the students left the school site feeling accomplished, I was not satisfied. There is so much more we could have all given...

Buddhist blessing ceremony upon our departure. 

My father instilled in me a love for all things creepy and crawly. I have always loved tarantulas and when we stopped at this local market for lunch, I just had to try all the exotic "snacks". 

On this trip I consumed:

Tarantula
Cricket
Grasshopper
Water beetle
Cockaroach 
Baby frog (stuffed with lemongrass and chiles)
Tiny clam
Fish ball (with chiles)
Bamboo stuffed with sticky rice
Boiled aborted chicken fetus (with cilantro, chiles and other spices)
Sour whole duck soup
Palma fruit 
Milk fruit 
Jack fruit
Rambutan
Palm wine (which was honestly more powerful than vodka...)

These are pictures of the Tuol Sleng prison and killing fields. The prison was a particularly painful place to visit. It has remained more or less preserved since it was shut down in 1979. Blood stains can still be seen on the floors, walls and ceilings. It was a place of inconceivable acts of torture and murder. Two of my students, both a boy and a girl, asked for me to take them outside because they were crying. It was a very powerful place and truly gut-wrenching. My students were in absolute shock at the fact that all this horror took place  and yet their history textbooks barely touch upon this part of history. 

The killing fields are where soldiers under the orders of Pol Pot secretly tortured, executed and buried millions of Cambodians. Though Pol Pot was only in power from 1975-1979 he ordered the execution of over 3 million people during that time. Bones and fragments of clothes and teeth can still be seen as you walk around the grounds of the killing fields. Every year, during the rainy season when more pieces of human remains surface, men go to the killing fields to recover the bones and pieces to preserve them. 

On our last day in Cambodia, I dreaded leaving. I couldn't help but think about how real and meaningful of a country Cambodia is. I kept saying to myself and our kind tour guides (above) that I will come back. I need to live here. Life here is just so much richer and more meaningful. It is truly unlike any other place I have ever lived or travelled to. 


As if my experiences in Cambodia weren't life-changing enough, on the morning of my last day in Cambodia I received the following letter....

I got into Graduate School!!!!! This summer I'll be attending Columbia University's Teacher College to get my Master's in Teaching English. I had to take a picture of this letter with my camera and check it again and again to make sure that it was real. I couldn't believe it. I honestly still can't. 

I cannot believe my good fortune and my life and all that I have in it. I am truly blessed and so thankful for everything I have in my life. It almost isn't fair. How is it that I have so much in this world when others have so little? I will never stop feeling this utter sense of gratitude.


Reality Check

After our plane landed in Riyadh, I was greeted by what now sounded to me like harsh and guttural sounds. As the customs and immigrations officers barked out orders in Arabic and broken English, I couldn't help but notice how aggressive Arabic now seemed to me. This was surprising to me. I had always considered Arabic to be a beautiful language. I loved the rolling sounds and melodic rhythm of speech. I thought the Arabic script to be so beautiful I got the words "love" and "peace" tattooed on my wrist at the age of 18 as a way of honoring the Arab culture I revered so deeply as a child. 

Yet after a week of living in Cambodia, listening to their extremely foreign sounding but upbeat and chipper language of Khymer, Arabic seemed so much more pugnacious sounding to me. It also occurred to me that Arabs don't really smile that much, while Khymer people smile constantly. When in Saudi Arabia I try to disguise my foreign-ness - I cover my hair and work hard not to draw too much attention to myself. In Cambodia, my foreign-ness is welcomed and embraced and considered beautiful as opposed to insidious. The Khymer people made me feel welcome and I was looked upon with interest and curiosity as opposed to Saudi where I am ostracized from their society and looked upon with suspicion and condemnation. 

I left King Khaled International Airport afraid that my recent experiences in Cambodia had "ruined me" and made me resentful of Arab culture. I do not resent Arab culture, nor do I find the language and society any less beautiful. The truth is, having now seen a part of the world that is rooted in compassion, forgiveness and equality, my tolerance for Saudi's conservativism has waned. There is no reason for the Saudi's to be so hard and aggressive and distrustful. The Cambodian people have suffered horrendously and have had to endure decades of torture, pain, destruction and poverty and yet they smile. The Saudi's have not been tortured, massacred or forced into submission by internal forces (or even external forces for that matter). They have lived wealthy and relatively peaceful lives for years since the discovery of oil in 1938. Simply put, they have NOTHING to be so angry about. What are they so afraid of? Why do they fear female empowerment and why do they look upon Westerners with distrust? In Saudi Arabia I am constantly criticizing myself for being too white, too Western, too liberal, too loud, too feminist, too confrontational, too emotional, too skeptical..... In Cambodia, I was free to be myself. More than that, I was free to be a better version of myself.

So now the question remains....what next? 

Right now, speaking on pure instincts, I would like next year to be my last year in Saudi Arabia and I would like to move to Cambodia in 2015. I cannot be sure if there will be a job opening for me at the International School of Phenom Pehn, but I am going to look into all the teaching opportunities in that country.

However....now that I have been accepted to graduate school, I wonder if I should not make the more financially responsible decision to stay a fourth year in Saudi Arabia and save money. Money. It's really what everything always comes down to in the end doesn't it? 

Fortunately, I have some time to think about this new big life decision. I must carefully balance the needs of my heart with those of my head...

Branching Out

Within these past few weeks I have become freshly inspired to write and explore more about Saudi Arabia. This has happened for a number of reasons....

Firstly, I fell for a Saudi boy. Though we had dinner dates and enjoyed each other's company, in the end our affections fizzled out because regardless of how hard we tried to ignore the inevitable, the truth was that no matter how much we liked each other or got along, he "wants" to marry a Saudi girl and live a traditional Saudi life. He once told me that he had "no control" over his life. Though many people consider Saudi men to have it made when it comes to their freedoms (they can travel freely, do not need permission to enter certain areas, can drive, do not need to cover) their personal lives are really no more free than their female counterparts. They are very limited by their families demands and expectations.

Secondly, I realized that that no matter how much I may "love" and be inspired by Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia will never love me back. No matter how hard I try or how tolerant I am, I will never be a part of this world. I will never be fully accepted by this society. I may be respected, but I will never be accepted.

Thirdly, I'm beginning to think about my future and where I see myself in five or ten years. I want to go to graduate school and I would like to find someone to spend my life with. I also ache to have more control over my daily life and actions. I want to drive and go out without an abaya and go on dates and walk on sidewalks and laugh and dance in public. I don't want to constantly be looking over my shoulder for the Ha'ia (religious police) or worry that I may inadvertently be breaking a law.

So I've started to take a deeper look into this country I have idealized for so long. I am actively making friends in the Riyadh community by attending as many social events as I can find. The majority are centered around the embassies which is wonderful for making connections and socializing, but they are seldom with Saudis. I recently wrote about going to two art shows here in Riyadh and those were wonderful. Though I did not feel as though the occasions allowed for me to "make friends", I still benefited from the experience of doing something out in the city without being surrounded by westerners. I was (and still am) blown away by the artistic talents of the Saudi men and women whose work I saw featured. I have started following many of these young artists on Instagram and am reminded daily of their skills and artistry. They are truly inspirational to me. 

In an effort to maintain my writing and motivate myself to write more thoughtfully and frequently, I have started reading the blogs of other women living in Saudi Arabia. The three blogs below have become new addictions of mine. The first is an American woman going through a divorce with her Saudi husband (it is beautifully and heart-breakingly written) The second is an American woman happily married to a Saudi man. The third is a Saudi woman, mother of three and a postgraduate at a Saudi university. This one is probably my favorite because I appreciate her honesty, intellect and insights on relevant and controversial topics in the Kingdom.


Under the Abaya
http://undertheabaya.wordpress.com/

The Same Rainbows End
http://thesamerainbowsend.com/

Saudi Woman's Weblog
http://saudiwoman.me/



Though none of these women work full time (I so debated writing that because I know being a mother is a full time job and all three of these women have children, but for the purposes of my argument I am referring to professional jobs) and therefore have more time to write and update their blogs, they have nonetheless inspired me to take my writing more seriously and commit to telling my story and the stories of others in this misunderstood country. 

But why? Why write? What purpose does writing and blogging serve? 

Honestly, I've always considered my writing to be for me and me alone. It's selfish. I write for me. Writing has always been my form of therapy and I struggled to find justification for inflicting my thoughts on others. I began this blog as a means to communicate with my family and friends about my life here, far away from them, as most of my family does not have Facebook and it is important for them to hear from me and know how I am doing. Yet as I've begun to read more and more blogs and published personal narratives I could not help but think that writing and communicating my story could also inspire others. Maybe my words could strike a chord in someone and inspire them to write or travel or go into teaching. I still struggle with the concept of publishing my thoughts; after all, who am I, what qualifications or rights do I have to comment upon themes of love, life and education? In the end I overcame my doubts by reminding myself that we all have to start somewhere. I may not be the smartest, wittiest, most creative or eloquent, but I have passion and I have potential....and if all else fails, I have my mom, who will read any piece of garbage I write and call it Shakespeare (love you Mom, probably the only person who will read this). 

Photo Credit: Cody Schellenberger

Gypsy Life

I've been listening to the following song on repeat now for weeks....

*Image: katfashionslave.tumblr.com 

The Lady Gaga ARTPOP album is amazing and full of incredible songs to dance to, feel to and think to. The song"Gypsy" allows me to do all three.

The lyric "I don't wanna be alone forever, but I love gypsy life" is particularly powerful to me. I certainly don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to give up this exciting and dynamic life I am currently living. I am not yet ready or willing to make those kinds of sacrifices I see my married friends making right now. The longer I live in Saudi and remain surrounded by married couples, the more I contemplate the purpose of marriage and wonder why so many people subscribe to getting married when it seems to result in living a life tainted by disappointments and compromise. True, I do not have first hand experience of this. I just have my third person (and if I may say so, objective) observations. People tend to complain more than they compliment so perhaps I am only getting a limited perspective of marriage. However, I find it interesting that every married person I have talked with about marriage or relationships (both men and women) has given me the exact same piece of advice: "Don't rush into it....you've got time....have fun and enjoy your life....you don't need to get married right now.....enjoy your life".

Hmm, if the majority of married couples are telling me to hold off on marriage to "enjoy my life", does that therefore imply that married life is not enjoyable?

Packed bags.
Always ready to go...

My frequent view of the world, from the wings of an iron angel....

I moved to Saudi Arabia for a number of reasons: excitement, adventure, opportunity, growth, financial security....but the most important reason was for love. I needed to come back to this country I had fallen in love with as a child in order to restore balance in my life. I needed to get away from the safe and comfortable existence I had shaped for myself in Boston and live independently and learn how to love myself again.

Loving oneself is incredibly difficult. In this day and age we are taught to seek fulfillment outside of ourselves - in our work, our relationships, our economy. We live in an age of unlimited information where a myriad of lives are able to be openly accessed and analyzed. In recent months I have had ten friends announce engagements, four announce pregnancies, five announce new job opportunities and six declare themselves as formally "in a relationship" on Facebook. In addition to those traditional life milestones, people are constantly announcing all the places they've travelled, foods they've eaten, weight they've lost and books they've read. I know because I am one of them. I will admit that I get a great deal of pleasure in sharing my life with others, yet it was not until I started reading the blogs and statuses of friends and strangers that I noticed how detrimental reading all of this information was. Though I relished in the joy of my friends achieving their dreams, I was subconsciously comparing myself and my life to theirs.

Love must come from within.
Success must come from within.
Happiness must come from within.

If we are constantly comparing ourselves and our standards of success to one another, there is no way our society will progress.

It is important to support others and cheer one another on as we struggle to shape and live our lives, but one must never lose sight of the fact that in the end, you are your greatest asset. You are the love of your life. You are the pinnacle of your success.

I don't wanna be alone forever
But I love gypsy life

I don't wanna be alone forever
Maybe we can see world together

I don't wanna be alone forever
But I can be tonight, tonight

*"Gypsy" lyrics by Lady Gaga

.....But who ever said being alone was a bad thing? 

With a life full of self-love, you are never alone. 

Who Are You?

Over the years I have been hearing about a recurring trend in educational communities that I find to be rather odd. I'm speaking of the use of personality tests in schools.

Corporations, businesses and schools use different kinds of personality tests to help their employees better understand their personalities in the hopes that they will become better, more efficient and goal-driven workers.

A lot of people consider these kind of personality tests to be like studying astrological signs and while I believe psychology to be a genuine science (as opposed to astrology which I consider to be more of an entertainment), I acknowledge the fact that when it comes to personality tests the results are really only as valid as you make them out to be. People will read into their results with skepticism, blind faith, curiosity or a blend of all three.

The elementary school team here in Riyadh has required its' staff to take a color based personality test: the Hartman Personality Profile.

When I was a sophomore in college I took Professor Jonathan Cheek's Personality Psychology course and I consider it one of the best courses I ever took. Most people fall into psychology for initially selfish reasons. I took Personality Psychology because I was curious about myself and my personality. Essentially, I wanted to find an answer to the question, "Who Am I?" Throughout the semester I took various personality tests myself and conducted them on friends. It was exciting and entertaining. Though I was by no means qualified to analyze the results of these personality tests effectively, I enjoyed thinking that I held the "key" to understanding the complexity of human life in just a 100 question yes or no diagnostic.

"The unexamined life is not a life worth living....."

Here are the recent results from my Myers-Briggs Inspired Personality Test.

Take the test yourself!! Its fun and entertaining (and its practically impossible to get any answers "wrong")

Website link to the Personality Test --->  HERE : 

Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test™

Your Type

ENFJ

Extravert(20%)  iNtuitive(40%) Feeling(66%)  Judging(44%)

• You have a marginal preference of Extraversion over Introversion (33%)
• You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (40%)
• You have distinctive preference of Feeling over Thinking (66%)
• You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (44%)

Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
by Joe Butt

Profile: ENFJ
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 23 Feb 2005

---

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance.

ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"

This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!

Functional Analysis:

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.

Introverted iNtuition

Like their INFJ cousins, ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves. In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last. ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. (We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function.) This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.

Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type. In fact, it often appears only when summoned by Feeling. At times only in jest, but in earnest if need be, Thinking entertains as logical only those conclusions which support Feeling's values. Other scenarios can be shown invalid or at best significantly inferior. Such "Thinking in the service of Feeling" has the appearance of logic, but somehow it never quite adds up.Introverted Thinking is frequently the focus of the spiritual quest of ENFJs. David's lengthiest psalm, 119, pays it homage. "Law," "precept," "commandment," "statute:" these essences of inner thinking are the mysteries of Deity for which this great Feeler's soul searched.

Famous ENFJs:

David, King of Israel
U.S. Presidents:
Abraham Lincoln
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama

William Cullen Bryant, poet
Abraham Maslow, psychologist and proponent of self-actualization
Ross Perot
Sean Connery
Elizabeth Dole
Francois Mitterand
Dick Van Dyke
Andy Griffith
James Garner
William Aramony, former president of United Way
Gene Hackman (Superman, Antz)
Dennis Hopper (Speed)
Brenda Vaccaro
Craig T. Nelson (Coach)
Diane Sawyer (Good Morning America)
Randy Quaid (Bye Bye, Love; Independence Day)
Tommy Lee Jones (The Fugitive)
Kirstie Alley ("Cheers," Look Who's Talking movies)
Michael Jordan, NBA basketball player
Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Oprah Winfrey
Bob Saget America's Funniest Home Videos, Full House
Julia Louis-Dreyfus ("Seinfeld")
Ben Stiller (The Royal Tenenbaums)
Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts quarterback
Matthew McConaughey (The Wedding Planner)
Pete Sampras, Tennis Champion
Lauren Graham ("Gilmore Girls")
Ben Affleck (The Sum Of All Fears)
John Cusack (High Fidelity)

Saudi Pop Art: Finding Inspiration and Empowerment

Last night I went to my first ever artist's exhibition! 

There is a local artists' gallery here in Riyadh (to my tremendous surprise) called Alaan. It was quite inconspicuous -- tucked way on a side ride in the middle of the capital. Obviously, artists in Saudi must be careful about promoting their art too boldly. After all, religious authorities could always claim that their art is a false representation of life which conservative interpreters of the Koran consider to be haram (forbidden by the Qu'ran). 

Alaan artspace, according their website "...is a multi-functional contemporary gallery, educational hub, library, restaurant, shop and coffeehouse located in the heart of Riyadh. Dedicated to nurturing emerging and established contemporary artists and designers from Saudi Arabia, the region and across the globe...Alaan offers a platform for curated exhibitions and a non-profit educational forum for artists, creative practitioners and art enthusiasts of all ages" 

"Alaan - which means 'now' in Arabic - reflects the energy of the art scene in Saudi Arabia and the feeling in Riyadh that a space such as this is long overdue."

I discovered the artist, Fida Alhussan of @fidaart on Instagram after having attended the Terra Eclat (Saudi jewelry designer) show last weekend. This is how Saudi works. Nothing is out in the open, but once you get "in" - invited to a certain event, a whole world opens up to you! But you really do have to put forth an effort and look for it. Social media has played such an instrumental role in allowing Saudi men and women to showcase their talents, inspiration, projects and ideas. During the Arab Spring thousands of journalists wrote enthusiastically about the power of social media in the Middle East and its influence on society. I am just so happy to see it being used to spread messages of creativity and passion here in Saudi Arabia!

The exhibition was not exactly what I expected it to be. It was rather quiet and subdued, but the atmosphere within the space was very nice and welcoming. I walked around the one room gallery and was positively mesmerized by the artwork. I have always enjoyed Pop art. Though not an artist myself, I frequently peeked through the pages of my sister's IB Art portfolio in high school. She did studies of numerous artists and I loved learning about them through her. Andy Warhol, Robert Rauschenberg and Roy Lichenstein are the famous pop artists that I immediately fell in love with. I think I revere and appreciate most forms of art so deeply because I am such a poor artist myself. I think creatively but I cannot produce powerful creative works (at least not the way I envision them in my head). I consider art as a form of magic (another reason why it may be having so much trouble being accepted in Islamic societies).

I wanted to buy every single painting I saw. I was apprehensive about asking "how much" pieces cost. I didn't want to seem offensive, but I was desperate to own one of Fida's paintings. I crossed my fingers that there would be something available within my price range! I tracked down the curator or manager (couldn't exactly figure out what his title was) and inquired about the price of the painting below. As I held my breath waiting for him to answer and imagining all the zeros I was sure were soon to come out of his mouth, he said a number I could actually afford! Without trying to sound like too much of a "newbe" I said rather quickly, "Ok, well, um, would it be possible for me to take it, I mean buy it?" Within a flash it was mine! 

So voila, my first piece of "professional" art work! 

*My sister and I got into a small debate about what exactly defines "professional art". She believes "professional art" is art produced by an artist who is successful enough to make a living through the selling of their art. My definition was somewhat narrower: I believe professional art to be any art showcased at an exhibition that can be purchased. 

My first purchased painting! 

I felt so powerful buying a piece of art work. Recently I have gained an even deeper appreciation for my independence. I have a job that fulfills me and money to spare in the bank. Unlike years past I have become more "ok" with treating myself to nice items and buying myself art or jewelry that has significant meaning. Spending my money in such a way - on trips and beautiful items - is very empowering. I felt so happy handing over my money and watching my purchase get wrapped up tenderly in bubble wrap. 

I work hard for my money and am unashamed to say that I deserve the occasional "gift" to myself. I used to feel guilty about spending money on myself but now that I've been single for almost five years, I find I get a tremendous sense of joy and empowerment when spending money on myself. It symbolizes the fact that I don't need a man to provide for me. I can take care of myself. I suddenly recall Walt Whitman's famous lines, "I celebrate myself and sing myself...". 

Today was indeed a celebration. 

A celebration of women, of independence, of creativity and power, but above all, it was a celebration of me. 

Some other stunning pieces in the collection....

Fida draws inspiration from a variety of contemporary sources. She believes that we are "all the same" no matter whether you are dressed as a Saudi or an American, we are all the same.....

I was very close to buying the painting on the right....in the end I went with the more "Arab" portrait. 

I absolutely LOVED this painting. I asked the artist if the woman was Drew Barrymore but she said no, it was just a "made up woman" she designed, borrowing beautiful features from an assortment of women. Still really feel like its Drew Barrymore though...

So much love. I wish my walls could be covered with all of these paintings! 

After I made several circumambulations around the room, I wandered upstairs to Alaan's restaurant and enjoyed a nice coffee underneath this interesting wall installation. 

This painting is displayed at the front entrance of Alaan. It is a beautiful wall mural by a young female Saudi artist depicting a woman's migration (into nothingness)...

Social Butterflying

This past Thursday I went to the British Embassy to attend a jewelry party by a well-known Saudi British designer named Ranya Seraj. Her line is called "Terra Eclat". She makes absolutely beautiful hand-crafted jewelry from raw and natural materials, metals and stones. I bought myself a beautiful aquamarine silver ring as an early Birthday present! 

Though I attended the garden party with some of my teaching friends/colleagues, I met some very interesting people including the jewelry designer herself and a young Saudi photographer. He was very kind and after I smiled at him trying to take a candid picture of me, we started chatting about culture and life and living in Saudi Arabia. He photographs mostly cityscapes but is hired to photograph at private events and functions in Riyadh. He's made me curious about the art scene here in Riyadh and since meeting him I have started looking up young modern Saudi artists and have been surprised to find a burgeoning underground contemporary art scene. I'm discovering all this via Instagram. Its pretty fascinating and is inspiring me to go out more and meet people in the city. I don't know why I thought I could only attend western-sponsored events, I'd like to go to Saudi art galleries and other quiet functions and meet actual Saudi people: young and passionate professionals like myself. True, language is a barrier, but I've been pleasantly surprised by the number of people who speak English quite well here. Saudi Arabia has a huge number of over-educated (as well as its fair share of grossly under-educated) young professionals looking for opportunities to grow and change things. 

Here are some pictures of the jewelry party by my new photographer friend, Thamer (to protect his privacy I won't divulge his full name).

** The last two are my favorite!

Proud Teaching Moments

Just a random assortment of pictures that capture some of my favorite teaching moments from this school year. 

I honestly find at least one thing every single day that inspires me or makes me feel happy to be a teacher. There are tough days and frustrating incidents constantly, and having come from working in a challenging alternative public school, I have come to expect a great deal of difficulty and frustration when it comes to teaching. That being said, as a result of those early "tough experiences" I am much more appreciative of those great moments whenever they do come along. I have a profound appreciation for the small acts and moments of joy in the classroom. That really is the key to finding happiness isn't it? Being grateful for the "little things"? I cherish them all and use them to fuel my determination to get through the tough times....

Recent gift from a student. It brought me to tears. She made me these bracelets and wrote me a moving note thanking me for listening to her and for inspiring her to think of herself in a more positive light and not put herself down so much. A powerful reminder to myself to take my own advice....

These are some of my freshmen girls who I ran alongside during the Terry Fox run. They have adopted my little stuffed pug (naming him "Winston") and have made him our official class mascot. Their positivity and spirit and energy inspire me to laugh and embrace the ridiculousness of life. 

Yes...."Winston" the pug is a popular class pet. Though I don't love the fact that my student fell asleep in class, the fact is he didn't even need to show up that day (senior mock exams), so I was touched that he felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in my room! 

Whenever my boys make misogynistic or degrading comments about women I make them wear my abaya in class. I have seen a SIGNIFICANT reduction in bigoted comments! 
Nothing like a little public shaming to make a point....

After a rough day in class a few weeks ago (some freshman boys just couldn't stop laughing and being immature little hyenas impeding me from moving forward with the unit I was teaching) two of my girls brought me these personalized cupcakes to "cheer me up"! I was blown away by their thoughtfulness. It's these little acts of kindness that reaffirm my faith in humanity and inspire me to work hard to spread kindness through education. 

Taking one of my seniors on a tour of Boston schools to complete his interviews this winter. Though he can't apply to Wellesley  I just couldn't resist the opportunity to show him my alma matter and my beloved Shakespeare house and share my memories of the place and love for Shakespeare (he had just finished being taught Hamlet....) 

After I helped one of my students prepare for his RADA audition in London, he thanked me by brining me the program for one of my favorite musicals (that I have yet to have the good fortune to see). Was a very thoughtful and kind gesture that brightened my morning! 

One of my former students in Chelsea. This girl is a phenomenal young woman who has fallen off the road to success again and again but she keeps coming back! Though she is now a mother, she has a plan to stay on track with school via home tutoring! Though I do not condone teenage pregnancy, I think it is important to be supportive of the choices teenagers make and regardless of my personal opinion, I need to be a loving and compassionate resource to her to help her achieve success (as opposed to turning my back and condemning her actions) 

 Another student who had had a tough journey. He's had lots of bumps along the way and unfair obstacles thrown in his direction, but he too keeps fighting and coming back and motivating himself to preserve his education and advance himself and way of life. A sweet and caring young man who I am proud to have taught. 

Visiting my former school and students this past Christmas was truly heartbreaking. The second I stepped inside the high school building and walked down my former teaching corridor  I felt a powerful sense of remorse for having left them to come to Saudi. They need me, they need good, passionate, and energetic teachers. How could I have left them? For what? For "adventure", "success", for selfish personal reasons? What I wouldn't give to have them all come to school here in Saudi! The support and education they could receive were they privileged enough to come to a school like this would be astronomical. All children deserve an amazing education. All children deserve quality teachers. All children deserve a chance to succeed. 

Success cannot be defined by test scores or income or nationality. Likewise, "quality" teachers cannot be "made" through meaningless and expensive professional development sessions or workshops. True education happens between real humans. Young, old, rich poor. Not machines or tests or manuals or strategies. True education is honest and genuine interactions between humans. That is the secret to being an effective and powerful teacher. Just tell the truth and love your students so much it hurts.