Gypsy Life

I've been listening to the following song on repeat now for weeks....

*Image: katfashionslave.tumblr.com 

The Lady Gaga ARTPOP album is amazing and full of incredible songs to dance to, feel to and think to. The song"Gypsy" allows me to do all three.

The lyric "I don't wanna be alone forever, but I love gypsy life" is particularly powerful to me. I certainly don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to give up this exciting and dynamic life I am currently living. I am not yet ready or willing to make those kinds of sacrifices I see my married friends making right now. The longer I live in Saudi and remain surrounded by married couples, the more I contemplate the purpose of marriage and wonder why so many people subscribe to getting married when it seems to result in living a life tainted by disappointments and compromise. True, I do not have first hand experience of this. I just have my third person (and if I may say so, objective) observations. People tend to complain more than they compliment so perhaps I am only getting a limited perspective of marriage. However, I find it interesting that every married person I have talked with about marriage or relationships (both men and women) has given me the exact same piece of advice: "Don't rush into it....you've got time....have fun and enjoy your life....you don't need to get married right now.....enjoy your life".

Hmm, if the majority of married couples are telling me to hold off on marriage to "enjoy my life", does that therefore imply that married life is not enjoyable?

Packed bags.
Always ready to go...

My frequent view of the world, from the wings of an iron angel....

I moved to Saudi Arabia for a number of reasons: excitement, adventure, opportunity, growth, financial security....but the most important reason was for love. I needed to come back to this country I had fallen in love with as a child in order to restore balance in my life. I needed to get away from the safe and comfortable existence I had shaped for myself in Boston and live independently and learn how to love myself again.

Loving oneself is incredibly difficult. In this day and age we are taught to seek fulfillment outside of ourselves - in our work, our relationships, our economy. We live in an age of unlimited information where a myriad of lives are able to be openly accessed and analyzed. In recent months I have had ten friends announce engagements, four announce pregnancies, five announce new job opportunities and six declare themselves as formally "in a relationship" on Facebook. In addition to those traditional life milestones, people are constantly announcing all the places they've travelled, foods they've eaten, weight they've lost and books they've read. I know because I am one of them. I will admit that I get a great deal of pleasure in sharing my life with others, yet it was not until I started reading the blogs and statuses of friends and strangers that I noticed how detrimental reading all of this information was. Though I relished in the joy of my friends achieving their dreams, I was subconsciously comparing myself and my life to theirs.

Love must come from within.
Success must come from within.
Happiness must come from within.

If we are constantly comparing ourselves and our standards of success to one another, there is no way our society will progress.

It is important to support others and cheer one another on as we struggle to shape and live our lives, but one must never lose sight of the fact that in the end, you are your greatest asset. You are the love of your life. You are the pinnacle of your success.

I don't wanna be alone forever
But I love gypsy life

I don't wanna be alone forever
Maybe we can see world together

I don't wanna be alone forever
But I can be tonight, tonight

*"Gypsy" lyrics by Lady Gaga

.....But who ever said being alone was a bad thing? 

With a life full of self-love, you are never alone. 

Who Are You?

Over the years I have been hearing about a recurring trend in educational communities that I find to be rather odd. I'm speaking of the use of personality tests in schools.

Corporations, businesses and schools use different kinds of personality tests to help their employees better understand their personalities in the hopes that they will become better, more efficient and goal-driven workers.

A lot of people consider these kind of personality tests to be like studying astrological signs and while I believe psychology to be a genuine science (as opposed to astrology which I consider to be more of an entertainment), I acknowledge the fact that when it comes to personality tests the results are really only as valid as you make them out to be. People will read into their results with skepticism, blind faith, curiosity or a blend of all three.

The elementary school team here in Riyadh has required its' staff to take a color based personality test: the Hartman Personality Profile.

When I was a sophomore in college I took Professor Jonathan Cheek's Personality Psychology course and I consider it one of the best courses I ever took. Most people fall into psychology for initially selfish reasons. I took Personality Psychology because I was curious about myself and my personality. Essentially, I wanted to find an answer to the question, "Who Am I?" Throughout the semester I took various personality tests myself and conducted them on friends. It was exciting and entertaining. Though I was by no means qualified to analyze the results of these personality tests effectively, I enjoyed thinking that I held the "key" to understanding the complexity of human life in just a 100 question yes or no diagnostic.

"The unexamined life is not a life worth living....."

Here are the recent results from my Myers-Briggs Inspired Personality Test.

Take the test yourself!! Its fun and entertaining (and its practically impossible to get any answers "wrong")

Website link to the Personality Test --->  HERE : 

Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test™

Your Type

ENFJ

Extravert(20%)  iNtuitive(40%) Feeling(66%)  Judging(44%)

• You have a marginal preference of Extraversion over Introversion (33%)
• You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (40%)
• You have distinctive preference of Feeling over Thinking (66%)
• You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (44%)

Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
by Joe Butt

Profile: ENFJ
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 23 Feb 2005

---

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance.

ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"

This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!

Functional Analysis:

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.

Introverted iNtuition

Like their INFJ cousins, ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves. In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last. ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. (We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function.) This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.

Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type. In fact, it often appears only when summoned by Feeling. At times only in jest, but in earnest if need be, Thinking entertains as logical only those conclusions which support Feeling's values. Other scenarios can be shown invalid or at best significantly inferior. Such "Thinking in the service of Feeling" has the appearance of logic, but somehow it never quite adds up.Introverted Thinking is frequently the focus of the spiritual quest of ENFJs. David's lengthiest psalm, 119, pays it homage. "Law," "precept," "commandment," "statute:" these essences of inner thinking are the mysteries of Deity for which this great Feeler's soul searched.

Famous ENFJs:

David, King of Israel
U.S. Presidents:
Abraham Lincoln
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama

William Cullen Bryant, poet
Abraham Maslow, psychologist and proponent of self-actualization
Ross Perot
Sean Connery
Elizabeth Dole
Francois Mitterand
Dick Van Dyke
Andy Griffith
James Garner
William Aramony, former president of United Way
Gene Hackman (Superman, Antz)
Dennis Hopper (Speed)
Brenda Vaccaro
Craig T. Nelson (Coach)
Diane Sawyer (Good Morning America)
Randy Quaid (Bye Bye, Love; Independence Day)
Tommy Lee Jones (The Fugitive)
Kirstie Alley ("Cheers," Look Who's Talking movies)
Michael Jordan, NBA basketball player
Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Oprah Winfrey
Bob Saget America's Funniest Home Videos, Full House
Julia Louis-Dreyfus ("Seinfeld")
Ben Stiller (The Royal Tenenbaums)
Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts quarterback
Matthew McConaughey (The Wedding Planner)
Pete Sampras, Tennis Champion
Lauren Graham ("Gilmore Girls")
Ben Affleck (The Sum Of All Fears)
John Cusack (High Fidelity)

Saudi Pop Art: Finding Inspiration and Empowerment

Last night I went to my first ever artist's exhibition! 

There is a local artists' gallery here in Riyadh (to my tremendous surprise) called Alaan. It was quite inconspicuous -- tucked way on a side ride in the middle of the capital. Obviously, artists in Saudi must be careful about promoting their art too boldly. After all, religious authorities could always claim that their art is a false representation of life which conservative interpreters of the Koran consider to be haram (forbidden by the Qu'ran). 

Alaan artspace, according their website "...is a multi-functional contemporary gallery, educational hub, library, restaurant, shop and coffeehouse located in the heart of Riyadh. Dedicated to nurturing emerging and established contemporary artists and designers from Saudi Arabia, the region and across the globe...Alaan offers a platform for curated exhibitions and a non-profit educational forum for artists, creative practitioners and art enthusiasts of all ages" 

"Alaan - which means 'now' in Arabic - reflects the energy of the art scene in Saudi Arabia and the feeling in Riyadh that a space such as this is long overdue."

I discovered the artist, Fida Alhussan of @fidaart on Instagram after having attended the Terra Eclat (Saudi jewelry designer) show last weekend. This is how Saudi works. Nothing is out in the open, but once you get "in" - invited to a certain event, a whole world opens up to you! But you really do have to put forth an effort and look for it. Social media has played such an instrumental role in allowing Saudi men and women to showcase their talents, inspiration, projects and ideas. During the Arab Spring thousands of journalists wrote enthusiastically about the power of social media in the Middle East and its influence on society. I am just so happy to see it being used to spread messages of creativity and passion here in Saudi Arabia!

The exhibition was not exactly what I expected it to be. It was rather quiet and subdued, but the atmosphere within the space was very nice and welcoming. I walked around the one room gallery and was positively mesmerized by the artwork. I have always enjoyed Pop art. Though not an artist myself, I frequently peeked through the pages of my sister's IB Art portfolio in high school. She did studies of numerous artists and I loved learning about them through her. Andy Warhol, Robert Rauschenberg and Roy Lichenstein are the famous pop artists that I immediately fell in love with. I think I revere and appreciate most forms of art so deeply because I am such a poor artist myself. I think creatively but I cannot produce powerful creative works (at least not the way I envision them in my head). I consider art as a form of magic (another reason why it may be having so much trouble being accepted in Islamic societies).

I wanted to buy every single painting I saw. I was apprehensive about asking "how much" pieces cost. I didn't want to seem offensive, but I was desperate to own one of Fida's paintings. I crossed my fingers that there would be something available within my price range! I tracked down the curator or manager (couldn't exactly figure out what his title was) and inquired about the price of the painting below. As I held my breath waiting for him to answer and imagining all the zeros I was sure were soon to come out of his mouth, he said a number I could actually afford! Without trying to sound like too much of a "newbe" I said rather quickly, "Ok, well, um, would it be possible for me to take it, I mean buy it?" Within a flash it was mine! 

So voila, my first piece of "professional" art work! 

*My sister and I got into a small debate about what exactly defines "professional art". She believes "professional art" is art produced by an artist who is successful enough to make a living through the selling of their art. My definition was somewhat narrower: I believe professional art to be any art showcased at an exhibition that can be purchased. 

My first purchased painting! 

I felt so powerful buying a piece of art work. Recently I have gained an even deeper appreciation for my independence. I have a job that fulfills me and money to spare in the bank. Unlike years past I have become more "ok" with treating myself to nice items and buying myself art or jewelry that has significant meaning. Spending my money in such a way - on trips and beautiful items - is very empowering. I felt so happy handing over my money and watching my purchase get wrapped up tenderly in bubble wrap. 

I work hard for my money and am unashamed to say that I deserve the occasional "gift" to myself. I used to feel guilty about spending money on myself but now that I've been single for almost five years, I find I get a tremendous sense of joy and empowerment when spending money on myself. It symbolizes the fact that I don't need a man to provide for me. I can take care of myself. I suddenly recall Walt Whitman's famous lines, "I celebrate myself and sing myself...". 

Today was indeed a celebration. 

A celebration of women, of independence, of creativity and power, but above all, it was a celebration of me. 

Some other stunning pieces in the collection....

Fida draws inspiration from a variety of contemporary sources. She believes that we are "all the same" no matter whether you are dressed as a Saudi or an American, we are all the same.....

I was very close to buying the painting on the right....in the end I went with the more "Arab" portrait. 

I absolutely LOVED this painting. I asked the artist if the woman was Drew Barrymore but she said no, it was just a "made up woman" she designed, borrowing beautiful features from an assortment of women. Still really feel like its Drew Barrymore though...

So much love. I wish my walls could be covered with all of these paintings! 

After I made several circumambulations around the room, I wandered upstairs to Alaan's restaurant and enjoyed a nice coffee underneath this interesting wall installation. 

This painting is displayed at the front entrance of Alaan. It is a beautiful wall mural by a young female Saudi artist depicting a woman's migration (into nothingness)...

Social Butterflying

This past Thursday I went to the British Embassy to attend a jewelry party by a well-known Saudi British designer named Ranya Seraj. Her line is called "Terra Eclat". She makes absolutely beautiful hand-crafted jewelry from raw and natural materials, metals and stones. I bought myself a beautiful aquamarine silver ring as an early Birthday present! 

Though I attended the garden party with some of my teaching friends/colleagues, I met some very interesting people including the jewelry designer herself and a young Saudi photographer. He was very kind and after I smiled at him trying to take a candid picture of me, we started chatting about culture and life and living in Saudi Arabia. He photographs mostly cityscapes but is hired to photograph at private events and functions in Riyadh. He's made me curious about the art scene here in Riyadh and since meeting him I have started looking up young modern Saudi artists and have been surprised to find a burgeoning underground contemporary art scene. I'm discovering all this via Instagram. Its pretty fascinating and is inspiring me to go out more and meet people in the city. I don't know why I thought I could only attend western-sponsored events, I'd like to go to Saudi art galleries and other quiet functions and meet actual Saudi people: young and passionate professionals like myself. True, language is a barrier, but I've been pleasantly surprised by the number of people who speak English quite well here. Saudi Arabia has a huge number of over-educated (as well as its fair share of grossly under-educated) young professionals looking for opportunities to grow and change things. 

Here are some pictures of the jewelry party by my new photographer friend, Thamer (to protect his privacy I won't divulge his full name).

** The last two are my favorite!

Proud Teaching Moments

Just a random assortment of pictures that capture some of my favorite teaching moments from this school year. 

I honestly find at least one thing every single day that inspires me or makes me feel happy to be a teacher. There are tough days and frustrating incidents constantly, and having come from working in a challenging alternative public school, I have come to expect a great deal of difficulty and frustration when it comes to teaching. That being said, as a result of those early "tough experiences" I am much more appreciative of those great moments whenever they do come along. I have a profound appreciation for the small acts and moments of joy in the classroom. That really is the key to finding happiness isn't it? Being grateful for the "little things"? I cherish them all and use them to fuel my determination to get through the tough times....

Recent gift from a student. It brought me to tears. She made me these bracelets and wrote me a moving note thanking me for listening to her and for inspiring her to think of herself in a more positive light and not put herself down so much. A powerful reminder to myself to take my own advice....

These are some of my freshmen girls who I ran alongside during the Terry Fox run. They have adopted my little stuffed pug (naming him "Winston") and have made him our official class mascot. Their positivity and spirit and energy inspire me to laugh and embrace the ridiculousness of life. 

Yes...."Winston" the pug is a popular class pet. Though I don't love the fact that my student fell asleep in class, the fact is he didn't even need to show up that day (senior mock exams), so I was touched that he felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in my room! 

Whenever my boys make misogynistic or degrading comments about women I make them wear my abaya in class. I have seen a SIGNIFICANT reduction in bigoted comments! 
Nothing like a little public shaming to make a point....

After a rough day in class a few weeks ago (some freshman boys just couldn't stop laughing and being immature little hyenas impeding me from moving forward with the unit I was teaching) two of my girls brought me these personalized cupcakes to "cheer me up"! I was blown away by their thoughtfulness. It's these little acts of kindness that reaffirm my faith in humanity and inspire me to work hard to spread kindness through education. 

Taking one of my seniors on a tour of Boston schools to complete his interviews this winter. Though he can't apply to Wellesley  I just couldn't resist the opportunity to show him my alma matter and my beloved Shakespeare house and share my memories of the place and love for Shakespeare (he had just finished being taught Hamlet....) 

After I helped one of my students prepare for his RADA audition in London, he thanked me by brining me the program for one of my favorite musicals (that I have yet to have the good fortune to see). Was a very thoughtful and kind gesture that brightened my morning! 

One of my former students in Chelsea. This girl is a phenomenal young woman who has fallen off the road to success again and again but she keeps coming back! Though she is now a mother, she has a plan to stay on track with school via home tutoring! Though I do not condone teenage pregnancy, I think it is important to be supportive of the choices teenagers make and regardless of my personal opinion, I need to be a loving and compassionate resource to her to help her achieve success (as opposed to turning my back and condemning her actions) 

 Another student who had had a tough journey. He's had lots of bumps along the way and unfair obstacles thrown in his direction, but he too keeps fighting and coming back and motivating himself to preserve his education and advance himself and way of life. A sweet and caring young man who I am proud to have taught. 

Visiting my former school and students this past Christmas was truly heartbreaking. The second I stepped inside the high school building and walked down my former teaching corridor  I felt a powerful sense of remorse for having left them to come to Saudi. They need me, they need good, passionate, and energetic teachers. How could I have left them? For what? For "adventure", "success", for selfish personal reasons? What I wouldn't give to have them all come to school here in Saudi! The support and education they could receive were they privileged enough to come to a school like this would be astronomical. All children deserve an amazing education. All children deserve quality teachers. All children deserve a chance to succeed. 

Success cannot be defined by test scores or income or nationality. Likewise, "quality" teachers cannot be "made" through meaningless and expensive professional development sessions or workshops. True education happens between real humans. Young, old, rich poor. Not machines or tests or manuals or strategies. True education is honest and genuine interactions between humans. That is the secret to being an effective and powerful teacher. Just tell the truth and love your students so much it hurts. 

For the Women....

I've been thinking a lot recently about the women of Saudi.

The wives. The daughters. The sisters. Native Saudi women, foreign-women-who-married-Saudis, rich women, poor women, successful women, underprivileged women. There are many different types of women in Saudi and while we are all different and unique in our own way, we are united by a common curse. The inability to love freely.

Life for women here isn't all bad. Some would even say that it is preferable! There are many protections and luxuries for women in the Kingdom. Indeed, I feel safer and more cared for and revered in this country than I have in almost any other place in the world. I have professional drivers divert me through city traffic and patiently wait for me outside of malls and compounds. I have male friends who offer to bring me home after parties or dinners so I won't have to stand around waiting or spend money getting a driver. As a western woman I am free to think, read, socialize and work here. But I am not free to love.

Books have been written extensively about this subject and while I hardly consider myself qualified to analyze the depth and complexity of Western relations in the Arab world, two recent conversations with Arab friends (one male and one female) have solidified the concept for me. Naive though I may be, and a die-hard romantic, my walls have come shattering down and I have been forced to accept the fact that Western women and Saudi men cannot have lifelong fulfilling loving relationships.

Now is that necessary for relationships to be made or even to flourish? Of course not. There are many happy and successful marriages here and close knit relationships between men and women, however what I have found is that there are many different TYPES of love in this world and in Saudi Arabia, free love is not possible here. 

My observations: the majority of wives of Saudi men do not speak out and assert themselves, they follow their husbands around from place to place and in the case of a woman possessing the qualities or strength and leadership skills she will likely leave the country and be apart from her husband for months at a time. Relationships here are vastly different from those I grew up around -- where husband and wife were equals and where both were appreciated and made compromises and balanced their life so that each could live happily. In Saudi the women do most of the compromising. Western women who have fallen in love with Saudi men must deal with a tremendous deal of scrutiny. They must watch what they say, how they dress, who they associate with, and how they spend their time. In addition, they are often subjected to criticism from the Saudi "family" or tribe. Women all around the world must deal with societal and familial pressures and expectations, but the trouble here in Saudi Arabia is that western women are so far removed from one's "native" culture that there is little here to bring them comfort and solace. In theory, it should be husband that provides his wife with that reassuring affection and support, yet the men here struggle as well. They have inordinate amounts of pressure on themselves to uphold their bonds of honor, leadership, power and loyalty. They are also not free.

I struggle with these thoughts and ideas because I have always believed that that "love can conquer all" and that true love between people from different worlds/religions/societies could overcome prejudice, traditions and oppression. Love should be complicated and inconvenient but it must also be fulfilling and joyous.

My Saudi male friends are very good to me and treat me with dignity and respect, but I also know that they would never regard me as a "potential wife" because I am not a part of their world. I may love Saudi Arabia and revel in its history and traditions, but it is not my world. In these modern times, young Saudi men are looking to solidify their family bonds and strengthen their family names. With the influx of foreigners into the Kingdom over the past 30 years, most Saudi families are now rather heterogeneous. It would seem that most parents are strongly encouraging their sons to marry Saudi women as an attempt to keep their heritage and traditions alive.

I cannot help but wonder whether or not this is right. My initial reaction is that this kind of thinking is holding Saudi society back. Whenever I go out into the city I see a country full of potential. This place is just bursting to evolve and advance. They are on the threshold....but seem resistant to taking the leap of faith.

As always.....I believe it comes back to the women. Women -- you are the agents of change. You are the ones who can make it happen.

While I may never be accepted into Saudi society, as a woman I feel it is my duty to empower my fellow sisters and provide them with all the support I am capable of. But how do I do that exactly? How do I aid in their self-empowerment? I have very few Saudi female friends, so how can I reach out to a community that strives to remain private? Oh, I wish I knew.....inshallah one day the answer will come to me. 

Artwork of Fida Alhussan:

Many of the women [in her paintings] are in alluring colors and outlandish garments. “You are strong and powerful with all of your colors,” says Alhussan firmly. “I want to represent women as able. Women in Arab societies are confined, but I work with non-Arab models to prove that you, women, are all the same. You have the same ambitions; same thoughts; same aspirations. Your headscarf does not prevent or diminish your freedom. You don’t have to be blonde or possess European features to be accepted by others.” 

Writer's Block (Belated Updates)

It would appear as though I have contracted a mild case of writer's block since I've returned to the Kingdom. It has been four months since I've even opened this blog and my regular journal writing has been inconsistent at best. Several factors are sure to have contributed to this: firstly, I am much more socially active this year and am spending most of my free time at the gym, teaching yoga, going out with friends or catching up on my reading and film watching. I have thrown myself into my work and my extra "free" hours at school are spent grading, planning or helping students. Though last year was more stressful in terms of my teaching load and commitment to the prom committee, I feel like I had so much more time last year to write during my prep periods and after school. I fear I have become a little too popular at school and seldom am able to find the time to just sit and reflect without being interrupted by students needing help or company. 

But the time has come to get back into the habit of writing! My life seems to be flying by. I blink and a week goes by. I must maintain my writing. I am living such a unique life and having such incredible experiences, I can't keep my thoughts and excitement to myself. So here I go -- time to jump back into the writer's saddle....I'm going to try and be less of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing and just "get the ideas down" while they're fresh in my head. I'm not trying to win a Nobel prize for literature. 


UPDATES

I've Applied to Graduate School!

Fingers crossed.
I decided to apply to graduate school this year for two reasons. The first being that all of my best friends are in graduate school or have already earned their Masters and though I am loathe to admit it, I do compare myself to others - especially those I love and admire. This past New Years I realized that so many people around me had Masters Degrees that it made me greedy for one as well. Though I hardly feel as though I've "wasted my time" these past four years out of college, I do think the time has come for me to step back into a classroom and be a student myself. I am so excited to be back to writing papers, analyzing articles, getting access to professional academic resources.....oh and lectures! How I miss lectures!


I'm Teaching Yoga!

Private lessons twice a week to my friend Melissa at school and twice a week to my new friends Zaid and Zaid on the compound. I will admit it is sometimes exhausting to get myself up and lead a yoga class, but I always feel amazing afterwards. I feel uncomfortable charging people to do yoga with me, but I guess its not different than being a personal fitness trainer? I have a unique skill to impart onto others, why shouldn't I get paid to share my knowledge and help people improve their bodies and minds?


I Am Traveling to Cambodia in February 

I will be traveling with a group of 30 students to Cambodia on a service learning trip. We are predominantly going to be spending time in Siem Reap, doing some historical visits/learning as well doing a small community service project. I am so excited for this opportunity to see Cambodia! True, I wish it wasn't with students in tow (because I will have to be "on the clock" the entire time and be keeping a careful watch on my students so that they stay safe), but I am beyond thrilled nonetheless for this opportunity.



I Am Doing a Lot of Reflecting About Life Here....

I keep thinking about my life here and Saudi and am constantly weighing the pros and cons of living here. There are days when I feel lonely and think that I should return to America and try and find someone to spend my life, but then there are days where I feel so free and independent here that I cannot imagine sacrificing all these potential adventures and opportunities just for the sake of having someone to come home to at the end of my day. After having read Sex at Dawn, I've started questioning modern relationships and while I still consider myself a fervent romantic (who believes in a highly intelligent, successful, accomplished, kind and loving Prince Charming to whisk me away into a sunset....) I have begun to doubt traditional monogamous relationships and have observed them being more detrimental to people's happiness than beneficial.

These are fleeting thoughts -- my views are by no means solidified. As I said, I go back and forth with my ideas constantly. Like every human on this planet, I am just looking for my own kind of happiness. I live my life and I strive to be a good and selfless human. Living here obviously forces me to put myself and my needs first which I worry about. I don't like to be selfish, yet I know I am. Yet is this just being a "young adult"? I keep being told over and over again that I am "so young" and should just "take advantage of everything", that sounds great, but I cannot help but be mildly resistant to the idea. Shouldn't I be spending my life doing something more meaningful? Thank God I love teaching. I feel as though I have the greatest job in the world and working with children and challenging them and making them think and discuss and analyze literature brings me such joy and fulfillment. Yes there are parts of the job that frustrate me, but on the whole I feel energized and empowered when working with teenagers and helping them shape and define their ideas and concepts about the world.


And Some Pictures....

Let them speak for themselves